Nefretiri
"Goddess, no. You never have to worry about that." Ivan growls, clearly irritated with the idea. "I'll never reject you."
"But... you could... If you didn't want me, could you reject me?" That sickening feeling nearly makes me throw up. It's not like I know all that, but it still has the power to affect me.
"Nefra..." Ivan moves so he's standing up. I'm still latched onto him; he takes advantage of that and sits down where I'd been. "Yes, we have free will. Someone who doesn't want to be with their destined mate can reject them, but I could never do that. The moon goddess blessed me with the perfect mate. So why would I reject the woman I can't live without?"
"Do you mean that?" It's crazy to feel this insecure about a guy you only met a few hours ago. Gods, it's only been a couple of hours.
"I can't. Nefra, I just can't." Ivan slides his hands under my shirt, making me shiver in delight. "If I tried, it would end me. So, I hope you can accept that you're stuck with me because I can't reject you. There's no way I'm letting you go."
Ivan kisses my jaw before trailing down my neck. I'm not going to deny it, but I love the attention he gives me. It's not because of Ricky's lack of affection, either. No, it's how Ivan instinctively knew what I needed. His kisses were intoxicating on my lips, but the rest of my body demanded the same attention, and he gave it without me needing to ask.
"When you're ready, I'll mark you right here." Ivan was kissing on a spot between my shoulder and collarbone. I can't help the soft moan, and my fingers dig into his shoulders. "It'll seal our bond and tell everyone you're mine."
Instead of pushing away from him and demanding he stop, I lean into his kisses. Some strange drunk part wants him to mark me; I don't know what that means. Though if I had to guess, I'd say it has to do with biting me. Ivan's teeth graze my skin, and my whole body shivers delightfully. Ricky loved biting me, and I always hated it. It hurt, and he always went crazy with it. This feels different, with no pain or discomfort—only tingles and pleasure.
"The thought of you rejecting me..." The pain in my back settles down, and I'm coherent enough to marvel at how Ivan's words and actions make me feel better. No, that's the wrong word. He makes me feel happy—at least enough to make me blurt out my confession. "It hurts my stomach."
"I know. I get the same feeling." Ivan hums before moving away from my neck, nuzzling my cheek. It's such an intimate move, but I love it too much to complain. "So, how about we get the rejection out of the way?"
"How do I do that?" I wish he hadn't put it like that. I know what he means, but I've never had a word affect me so badly.
"It's pretty simple. You say, I, your full name, reject, his full name, as my mate."
"Just like that?" It feels too simple, but the rational side of my brain reminds me that what I'm doing is insane, and I don't even know Ivan's story yet. This feels unchangeable. If I do this, I can't go back.
"Yeah." Ivan stops and looks up at me. Had he noticed my wariness? "You want to know about me, though. Don't you?"
"I..." How had he guessed that? It wasn't like I voiced it. "Before I make any more life-altering choices. I'd like to know your story."
Ivan sighed and carefully moved me so I could sit beside him. The moon was a bright crescent and felt fitting for what we were doing. I know he would prefer I reject Ricky first, but I don't think I can do that, even though I want to. My mind was conflicted, and I felt like I was pulling myself apart. One side wants to give in to Ivan with blind faith, the other fighting desperately to pull away.
"Three years ago, my uncle died." Ivan begins looking up at the moon. "He was Alpha of the pack, and unfortunately, his mate died before they could be together."
"I'm sorry." I know that sounds cliche, but I mean it.
"Yeah, it hit him hard... He wouldn't have survived if he hadn't had Vince." Ivan takes my hand, rubbing my palm gently. "He was my uncle's mate's nephew and was an orphan now. So, my uncle adopted him and raised him. You met him, the guy in the windbreaker? Black hair?"
"Yeah, he was the one making faces at Pen-Pen." I nod, remembering the handsome werewolf.
"That's Vince... I always thought he'd become Alpha. He's got it in his blood, but my uncle chose me, and both said I was meant to lead our pack. So, all my life, I trained to become the Alpha."
"Is that what you wanted?" Then, carefully, I lift my legs onto the picnic table, wrapping my arms around my knees.
"You're the only person who's ever asked me that." With a dry chuckle, Ivan leans in closer. "I loved the idea when I was a kid, but I started to think otherwise as I got older and my responsibilities grew. So then, when I turned seventeen, I left for service like everyone else and..."
"Wait, what service?" I frowned, confused by what he meant.
"Oh, right. You don't know about that, do you?" Ivan turns a little before continuing. "Well, without getting too deep into politics, our world, supernaturals, are ruled by one government."
"Wait, here in the States? Or every race?"
"No, across the world. All supernaturals are ruled over by one. The dragon king, Shakka. So, it doesn't matter what you are as long as you're not human. We're all under the Royal Empire." I can hear the disdain in Ivan's voice as he explains it, and I'm not going to lie. I have a strange feeling about all this. "Under the king are the Royal courts. They run everything in his name. And one of the laws that have been around for a long time is that everyone, male or female, must give at least three years of military service to the Royal Army."
"They make you join the military? So, the dragon king's a dictator?" That didn't feel right. Why would you force people to do something like that? What if the race didn't believe in fighting? Or if there is a reason you couldn't serve?
"As I said, that's politics, and we'll be here for days trying to work that out. Besides, everyone has an opinion about the Royals." He had a point. It was that way in the human world. So why should the other be any different? "I didn't go to the Royal Army anyway. I found a loophole. No rule says I couldn't do my service in the human world. No one cared as long as I swore to serve under the king in case of war. So I joined the Marines."
"You mean the U.S. Marines?" That surprised me. It shouldn't, but the idea of Ivan being a soldier for humans felt odd. "Would they even let you join at that age?"
"Minimum age is seventeen, and I had my family's blessing. But I didn't want to serve in a military I didn't believe in. You'd be surprised how many supernaturals go that route." Leaning forward, Ivan pulls something out of his shirt. I can't tell what it is in the dim light of his phone. "I stayed in until I was twenty-two. Then, Uncle Tony died, and I had to come home to lead the pack."
"You didn't want to, though, did you?" I heard the hint of bitterness, and it made me wonder. Ivan had stayed with the Marines for an extra two years. If his uncle hadn't died, would he ever have come back?
"I loved being a soldier, Nefra. I won't lie to you. I've seen the world for what it is. The good and the bad. I've done things I'm proud of. Saved innocent people and killed others who wanted to destroy everything. I even stopped another werewolf from infiltrating our base, pretending he was an ally. But... honestly, I've done worse."
"What does that mean?" My hand reaches out, and I touch the chain around his neck, realizing they're his dog tags. Then, I trace the engraved words and numbers with the tip of my fingers.
"I've killed many people, and some of them, I'm still unsure if they deserved to die the way they did. I wish I could tell you I was righteous every time, but I can't. I'm a wolf, Nefra. Sometimes killing was because I wanted to make them pay for the devastation they caused for others, my squad, and me."
"At least you were trying to help people. Even if it's a bloody mess. Ricky was killing people for money and the fun of it."
"Dying is dying, Nefra. But, like I said, I'm a predator. I do enjoy killing. So, I don't know if that makes me much better than that bastard." Ivan tries to move away, but I keep hold of his tags, effectively holding him in place.
"Have you killed innocent people? Children?" He shakes his head. "Then you're nothing like Ricky. And I think most soldiers feel that way at some point. So, what happened after your uncle died?"
"I tried to run the pack as well as he did. I thought I was managing things, but..."
"You weren't?" I swear I can almost hear his heart quicken. This was what he was afraid to talk about. "What happened?"
"One day, I didn't want to wake up. So I didn't. I slept for three days, and when I finally did get up, I felt nothing."
"That's depression." This was something I understood. I'd felt that for a long time—especially last year.
"It was... It wouldn't have been so bad if I'd let my wolf take more control, but I thought I'd found some harmony between the man and the beast. I was wrong because I had no idea what was happening. So, I tried to go about my life. The problem was, I no longer cared."
"And no one could understand why you acted the way you were. Assuming you're acting out." I can't help but feel my own sadness at that. "And you don't know how to ask for help."
"Because you're not supposed to be anything but strong." Ivan finished my thought, and we stared at each other. "Nefra... this gets worse."
"I'm ready."