Nefretiri
The title of sister-in-law implied other things that I wasn't ready for. Also, I had a bad history with my in-laws. Mine had been critical on good days and abusive at their worst. Though they never condoned what Ricky did to me, they didn't stop him. Nothing I did was good enough in my mother-in-law's eyes. My father-in-law thought I wasn't sufficiently etiquette-trained and constantly tried to teach me things that bore me. That was better than Melissa, though.
She was her own brand of uniqueness, and the only one Ricky feared. I got a break when she was around, and Ricky stayed away from me, but it came at a cost. One I wasn't comfortable talking about with Taylor or anyone else. Melissa was affectionate in a way that always left me wanting a shower. Of course, nothing happened, but I'm sure she'd take it if I gave her any ideas which felt wrong. Not that I have a problem with anyone's sexuality, but I wasn't comfortable being passed around in a family.
"I don't even know what Ivan and I are yet." It's as close to an answer as I can give her. "So, yeah, a bit soon."
"You need each other." Tapping her fingers on her leg, Taylor stares at the bassinet and then back to me. "I know you're dazed, but today proved it."
"What are you talking about?" Did I need Ivan? An annoying voice in my head tells me I do.
"Look, there's a reason Ivan's known as the contemptible. He's a good man, but he has some habits that make him an asshole, insulting people without realizing it. I once saw him make a prince cry, and he didn't realize it until after. Half the time, he doesn't have a filter in his mouth, and you've got to be harsh with him to get your point across. The thing is... you crashed into our lives, and he changed. I don't know what you were like before, but I think you did, too. That has to count for something."
"It does... but this is all so much... I'm supposed to feel things for him that aren't realistic.
"Werewolves have this... trait about them. We become... emotionally attached to our mates. It's unsettling if you're not used to it." She looked like she was going to say something else but stopped herself. "You're good for each other. And Ivan wants to be with you."
"What am I supposed to do? Does he expect me to..." It was one thing to be attracted to someone. It was another to be forced into their bed. I'd already lived through that with my husband, and it was not an experience I wanted to relive.
"Ivan will never ask anything of you." Taylor huffs, looking slightly offended. "If you said you never wanted to have sex again, he'd be celibate forever."
"Not many men would do that."
"Werewolves are loyal." She sighs, leaning back on the bed. "Cheating isn't really a thing for us; your mate is everything. So do me a favor and give him a chance. He's a bastard, but he's the best. And I'm his sister, so I can say that honestly."
"Well, I might not be ready to call you my sister-in-law, but you're better than my last one." I manage a smile, and my anxiety eases. "Melissa was... special."
"How bad was it?"
"I don't think there's a single word to sum it all up. Terrible, miserable, fucked up, very... odd." Looking down at the bed, I try not to remember everything that happened. "Honestly, I'd rather not talk about it. It's... complicated."
"Hey, I told you. We do complicated very well."
"You keep smiling. It's confusing." I fall back on the bed, enjoying its comfort, and the urge to curl under the blankets and sleep starts to take effect. "Why is everyone so excited?"
"Because you brought life back into our sad little lives." Taylor turned on her side, looking as tired as I felt. "You pulled Ivan back from wherever he was. I know that feels like it's impossible, but you make us feel like we're a pack again. It's been a long time since we felt that way. And on a personal note, I think you and I will get along very well, and you gave us Pen-Pen."
"You guys do seem attached to her."
"Hey, I've wanted someone to spoil since I was a kid, and now I have her!" She laughs, grabbing a pillow.
"You don't want to have your own children?" I immediately regretted the statement when I saw Taylor's face. She'd gone from happy to sad in less than a second. Obviously, I'd touched on a nerve. "Sorry."
"No, it's okay." Sitting back up, Taylor crossed her legs, looking down at her hands. "I would love kids, but that might not be possible."
"You have trouble getting pregnant?"
'Stupid! You are so stupid, Nefretiri!'
"No, I can make a baby... I just can't... I can't carry one to term." Her voice was so soft, but I heard the heartache, which also broke my heart. "I was pregnant last year, but he died when I was eight months along."
"I'm..." I was about to say sorry, but it didn't feel right to say that. I wasn't about to lie; I loved Penelope with everything I had, but I hadn't been trying to get pregnant. I couldn't imagine wanting a child and having it stolen from you like that.
Not knowing what else to do, I sat up and wrapped my arms around Ivan's sister—silently saying everything I felt and trying to ease her pain. It's crazy, but the hug doesn't feel odd. On the contrary, it feels like I've done this countless times and was meant to comfort her. Taylor hugs me back, burying her face on my shoulder, and for the slightest moment, I swear she's crying. But before I can pull away to check, I feel a harsh tug on my spine, and without trying, I connect to the universe's magic. Without meaning to, I'm casting a spell, which I've already done today.
I'm giving her more energy than I've ever offered before. The magic is wordless, but it's the thing I'm best at—a healing spell. Honestly, I don't know how long I hold her, but my stomach is in knots when I pull away. A terrible ache that makes me want to throw up.
"What was that for?" Taylor stares at me, her eyes seeming like a daze. She hadn't felt the spell, but she looked more relaxed.
"Because you needed it." I feel sick and want to curl up in a ball and scream, but instead, I fake a smile and get up. "Is there a shower somewhere? I'd love to clean up and maybe get some sleep."
"You have a bathroom here." She points to a door on the other side of the room. "Are you okay? You went pale."
"Yeah, I'm fine." I wasn't, but I just needed to be somewhere alone for a while. "I forgot to grab PJs."
"I got something for you to wear tonight." Getting up, she starts walking to the door. "Nefretiri, are you sure you're okay? Maybe I should call for Danny or Ivan."
"No, no. Please, I'm okay." The last thing I needed was anyone else worrying about me. Besides, Ivan has seen more of me than most tonight. "I just need a shower."
"Um... okay. I'll get you those PJs and a towel." I nod my thanks and head to the bathroom. It was one of those fancy ones you'd expect to find in a high-end hotel, with a tub that would fit four people and a shower with multiple heads.
The second the door closes behind me, I collapse to the ground. My chest hurt as badly as my stomach. Dear god, I was not alright! The pain was so bad I had to hold onto the sink to pull myself up. Stripping everything off, I turned the water on to its hottest setting and climbed in. The water was hot enough to burn my skin, but I didn't turn it down. Only then do I throw up, and it's not food.
A disgusting black and purple substance comes up, and it tastes like tar and gasoline. My legs wobble, and I'm back on the tile, loudly throwing up until there's nothing left and I'm dry heaving. Now, the pain only intensifies, but it's everywhere. Then, finally, there's a pop on my cheek, and I bite my lip to stop crying out. It's worse than anything else, and a flash of images goes through my thoughts. I remember when pain happened, and I had a sinking idea.
Another pop and the same thing happens, and the dread only grows. Magic doesn't give you a choice on what your price is. Only people with experience can focus their energy on what they wish to share. Otherwise, you suffer what the universe demands from you, and it's hard to predict. For me, it's mostly been hunger, exhaustion, and, from time to time, the need for sex, but never this. Was I expected to relive every moment of pain I'd ever experienced? That was a lot; I don't know if my body and mind could handle it.
Memories bombard me, accompanied by the pain of that moment. Not only the abuse Ricky put me through but other moments I have no recollection of until I live it again. Falling off a bike at eight, a thorn in my finger being kissed better by an older boy who hugs me after. Most of my childhood memories have that little boy in them, always affectionately making the pain disappear. But he isn't here now, and calling his name in my head won't summon him to my side to make all this disappear.
Dylan. His name was Dylan.
The worst of the torment is the last year, and things that are so blurry that I can't see what they are are the worst. What happened? Why couldn't I remember? Was it so terrible that my mind tried to block me from seeing it? Whatever this is, I'm scared it'll kill me. So, I can only think to scream for help from the only person I want to see.
"IVAN!" My voice is louder than I've ever managed, and I'm praying he hears me. "Help me, please! Ivan!"