In the moment of silence as I was alone in this enormous room, doing nothing but just staring at my reflection in the mirror. I find myself regretting my way of speaking to him just now.
I hear a small voice speak from within me 'You should not have done that.' It said, Hildegard was her name, Hilda for short, and she was my wolf. Contrary to my characteristics, she is a brave wolf with a small voice that could only be heard if one pays full attention, and she's the one who kept me company most of the time while I was in my darkest days, she was the type to scold and compliment me regardless of the fact that she's a part of me. As my guardian she made sure to cheer me up when I needed her the most. It made me so happy to hear her once again that I almost smiled to myself, but I know where our conversation would lead to as she had already stated her grievances.
Laughing it off was the safest thing to do but it was no guarantee that she would forget about it. "Good morning to you too Hilda." As an Omega, with my excuse of a stamina topped with my curse, I rarely got to hear from Hilda, I didn't have enough stamina to summon her so it was a luxury for me to speak with her. Most times I forget about her existence because it could take three to five months for me to gather enough stamina to reach her so most of the time, she's asleep deep within me. The same goes with my wolf form, regardless of how much I train, sometimes I don't last up to thirty minutes in my wolf form while others could carry on that form for weeks. I try my best not to act affected but it's really difficult to act like I don't notice it. "If you're here to scold me then it's just a waste of time. You should forget about it since I'll be mindful of what I say from now on."
'Since when did I start receiving lectures from an incompetent girl.' She scolded me. 'Don't you think you're pushing a good man away?.' Good man, she says. As I begin to marinate her words and see light in them, I imagine the fierceness in Nelson's eyes from when I first saw him till now. She's one to talk to, of course she hasn't met him face to face, if she did then she would change her mind. not
"You must be delusional, him? 'The Mad Alpha'?? A good man??? You've started seeing things hilda , you haven't looked into his eyes Hilda. Have you seen how frightening they look? I feel threatened just standing close to him." I tell her, voicing my reservations about him for the first time. I feel somewhat relieved, I didn't know I had been wearing that burden all this time. Now that I think about it, I forgot to ask him if we would be using the same room in the future, I don't think I'll be able to handle staying with him in the same room for even a week.
'Are you forgetting that you two have already shared minds and bodies, and now you were brought together by the strings of fate.' God! She doesn't know when to give up. I expected her to attack me this way but reminding me of my one mistake really stabs me right in the chest. 'It may be the Moon goddess's plan for you, it may be a sign that she might just favor you this time, think about it…'
"What's the use?" I cut her short.
I knew what she was about to say without having her complete her words.
'But...'
"Why, why should I put my faith in someone who is the cause of my suffering. Goddess or not, if she cared about me she would have lifted my curse ages ago. I've said this before and I'll say it again, do not mention her name in my presence." I say with all the anger I could muster.
Hilda was silent.
Unlike the others who adore the sacred being for her gift upon us and watching over us, I particularly hate her with a passion that rivals the sun itself. The entity who took part in ruining my life it begs to question why I would want to allow myself to become her puppet and dance to the tunes of her miserable music. She is the reason I could not and would never allow anyone into my heart.
"Do not feel wronged, I will not ask for forgiveness either. I have no attached feelings anymore, I was just startled because it was my first time seeing a man's body, and I just found him attractive. If he's only going to keep me for a while and just dispose of me later just like my mother, what's the use of harboring such feelings. I will not allow myself to be used by some man and be thrown into a corner like my mother. I will play my part and leave with my share like we agreed on."
'Lilian.'
"...."
'I only get the chance to speak to you rarely, it'll take a while before we can have such a conversation again.' Her words fell heavy upon my heart as I knew I had hurt her just like I did with Nelson, but I paid no attention to it just to avoid my resolve being broken. 'Lilian, whatever you do, I hope you don't push your feelings to a corner because you cannot find its worth. I know you're denying it because you don't want to be hurt but I hope you don't realize it too late. Goodbye Lily.'
"Goodbye Hilda." Now I feel even more miserable and the same time i resented hilda because All these could have been avoided if she didn't show up today.
A light knock at my door shatters the gloomy ambience of my mood and a voice says, "room service." I quickly stood up and made my way to the door, only to realize that I never called for room service, and if that wasn't suspicious enough it was still too early to call them up. I debated on whether or not to answer them and finally decide to just call Nelson to question them, but just then i also realize that I don't have his phone number yet. I cursed a bit in frustration at my lack of options. My body also betrayed me when my stomach groaned in hunger. I sighed submitting to the inevitable.
'It must be breakfast.'
I say to myself, as I drag my feet towards the door I gather courage and look through the peephole, and unexpectedly, I let out a loud gasp.