I wipe a tear from my cheek. The woman looking back at me through the mirror suddenly looks like a stranger. Hearing of Ellie's death was like a blast from the past. Bringing up all the memories I worked so hard on to forget the last ten years. I have completely forgotten about the life I wanted to lead. I have made a new life for myself. One where all who abandoned me a week after high school ended was not a part of anymore.
The ache in my chest feels deep. Ellie was so sweet. She had no family. Only the aunt with the very bad reputation. I look at the blue eyes staring back at me. They have grown old. I have lines in my face I shouldn't have. My hair is not as shiny anymore. I have grown a lot more than ten years older.
I pull the hem of my black tailored jacket down a bit. Making sure it sits perfectly. I have paired with it a black pencil skirt and black heeled shoes. I tied my hair in a plated bun at the back of my head and rounded the look with a small black hat that sits askew on my forehead. The black netting pulled down over my eyes. I did not put a lot of effort into my makeup. The tears run freely even if I do not feel like I'm crying. I pick up my clutch and head out of the front door.
When I get into the taxi, I called earlier the driver looks at me and gives me a sad smile. It is obvious that I am going to a funeral. I stare out the window, not really seeing anything, while the driver takes me to the small church where Ellie's service is being held.
The driver pulls into the small parking spot in front of the gate. I hand him his fee and get out. It is hard not to notice that the sun is shining too bright. The birds are singing too loud. The world did not notice that someone as sweet and kind as Ellie has passed on.
The driver pulls away and I am left with the view of the church entrance. I stand on the sidewalk, unable to enter the church grounds. Who will be in there? What if there are other people I do not want to see? As I stand on the sidewalk another car pulls up behind me. I do not feel bothered enough to turn around and look who is getting out of the car. A few moments later the car pulls away and I hear soft footsteps coming towards me.
A slender woman comes to stand next to me. She has a tight-fitting black dress on. The neckline of the dress is just a bit too low but still covering what needs to be covered. She is wearing bulky black boots with it that comes up to her ankles. Around her wrist is a broad black leather strap with silver studs on it. She has no clutch or purse with her. My eyes roam over her. She has beautiful sleeve tattoos on her arms. The detailed patterns look especially good against her lily-white skin.
I suddenly become aware that I am staring and quickly look up to meet her eyes. I am immediately searching this beautiful woman's face again. She has lush full lips with a ring through her bottom lip. Her black brows are piers with three studs near the outside of her right eyebrow. She has about seven studs and rings in the ear I can see from where I am standing. Her long black hair is pinned to the back of her head in a messy updo. Her makeup is immaculately done in grey and black tones with a peach gloss on her lips.
"Have you taken in the full picture yet?" she smiles as she asks the question. She is obviously used to people staring at her.
"I am so sorry for staring." I immediately apologise. "You really do look like the picture of beauty"
The woman's grey eyes turn sad. "Oh Bailey, it is so good to see you." When she turns to hug me, I recognise her as Ava. My eyes grow wide and fling my arms around her neck. She gives me a warm hug and holds me at arm's length to look at me.
"I honestly expected you to turn up here with a crowd of paparazzi following you." Ava smiles sweetly at me.
I use to be very shallow and emotional. Although I use to get really good grades it was easier to play the dumb blonde than to let people see that I am actually really smart. I really wanted to become a model but life just didn't work out that way.
"I had to fall back on plan B" I tell her, but then some of the horrible memories come flashing back and I know that is not really an honest answer. "Or plan H, I, J, K, really. I have lost count"
Just as I am about to turn back to face the church another car pulls up behind us. I immediately recognise Rachel as she gets out of the car. Her slender figure is clad in a black suit. She is wearing a white blouse with it and her hair is hanging loose around her shoulders in soft curls. Her hair still looks like liquid chocolate.
She gives us each a hug and stands beside Ava. The three of us looking into the church yard.
"Do you think we will burn if we enter? Or are we standing here for other reasons?" Rachel asks in her old familiar dry tone.
"I am scared to see people I have been avoiding for a decade" I state honestly.
"I will probably burn" Ava states in a dry tone.
Rachel gives a small chuckle and starts walking through the gate. It feels familiar to follow Rachel. She always took the lead back in the day. The familiarity makes my heart twist in its chest. From the looks of the women in front of me, I can see that their dreams have not come true either.
My heart starts pounding as we approach the door of the church.
There is already music playing inside. There is nobody to greet us at the door. Family should be greeting us here but she didn't have family.
Inside the church there is a white casket in the front. The lid of the casket is open and I suddenly realise that I do not really want to look at Ellie.
I start to walk a slower pace than the other two towards the front of the church. Rachel and Ava stand in front of the coffin looking into it. Ava looks over her shoulder towards me and bacons me to come closer.
I walk to the front and look over the edge of the coffin. Ellie looks so peaceful. Her skin is even and without one single wrinkle. She looks like she has not aged one single day. She is still beautiful.
I hear Ava whisper "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you Ellie" and I find it impossible to hold back my tears any longer. I cover my mouth with my hand and start to sob.
At first glance the church looks completely empty. It is only when you look up to the gallery that you notice a woman sitting in the far back corner. She is completely dressed in black. The buttons of her blouse coming all the way up to her neck. She is wearing a large black hat that hides her face in its shadow. When I still at the sight of her, the other two also stop to look at what I am looking at.
Ava draws us into the first pew while still looking at the woman. We are distracted by another woman entering from the back of the church. She is old and seems to have difficulty walking. Her arms looks very thin and she looks weak with old age.
She is dressed in a black sequined Gatsby style dress. Her grey hair is pinned to the back of her head and she is wearing way too much makeup for her age. She looks overdone. Her excessive makeup makes the lines in her face appear deeper. She has multiple strings of pearls around her neck and a stack of bangles that clang as she walks. It is only when she comes closer that I realise this is Aunt May. Ava steps closer to help Aunt May into the pew, she helps her to sit down and sits next to her to offer her support.
Rachel steps closer to Ava to sit close to her. Just before I take the few steps closer to sit next to Rachel, I look up to see if I can make out who the woman is.
She is gone.