Staying in the dark offered Niel temporary comfort, the kind that came with an emotional numbness. Perhaps it was a fleeting feeling that was to last a few days and soon enough he might begin to feel as good as new.
He'd already caught himself spacing out a couple of times that being alone in a strange place having everything silent gave him peace of mind away from the constant screaming inside his head, the familiar cry of agony, shifting and turning from pain.
He flinched at the memory of the light crack of a sound he'd heard earlier, then looked at his hands and saw what was no longer there.
'Fuck! I was so frightened...'
Covering his eyes briefly, he made a silent prayer, hoping that somehow, someway, all would turn out well. He badly wanted to be at his fated's side.
"I'm a dad aren't I?" He spoke to himself, opening his eyes and in that silence, he could almost listen to how loudly his heart was thudding. His hands trembled, his body shaking to how overwhelming that memory felt like. The realization that he'd no longer be only responsible to his fated but being a father too felt daunting yet warmed his heart somehow.
Looking at his palms once more, he could no longer see how bloody they had been but two lives, two tiny lives resting at his palms and a sense of responsible joy washing all over him. He felt love, affection wonder... A very strong desire to want to be protective and fulfill whatever needed to be done to care and nature his own flesh and blood. That unforgettable smell, the tingling sensation at the touch of moving bloody fragile and toothless creatures, squeaking sounds... Or was it whistling? Niel couldn't remember.
He hadn't realized he'd been in that position for a while until he heard a light sound coming from the stairs and upon looking up, he saw Stan creeping slowly as if cautious not to wake up anyone up.
"Hey." Stan greeted. "What are you doing up?"
"Can't sleep. What about you?"
"I normally go for a run sometimes in the night."
Seeming uninterested, Niel looked back at his palms spread in front of him then placed then on the kitchen counter, moving carefully as if he still were holding both Luca and Lusha.
"What about Elric's mom's warnings? Aren't we supposed to avoid making ourselves vulnerable?"
"Knowing her, she probably still has someone watching out for each of us. She hates surprises so I wouldn't be shocked if she had someone following me. Additionally, she hasn't questioned me about my night exercises." Scanning Niel from head to toe, Stan asked. "You look fit yourself. How do you maintain your physic?"
"I go to the gym after work sometimes, though lately, I've been lagging behind because of Elric's sensitive pregnancy."
"Makes sense. I need to make time and pay a visit to Yeon's parents for a proper workout session once all this tension dies down."
With nothing to say, Niel drifted back to his thoughts and Stan noticed how absentminded he'd been. They hadn't much to say to each other however, after finding out what Niel had gone through, Stan concluded it would be wiser to get along somehow. 'I wouldn't want to imagine what is going on in that mind of his.'
"Congratulations on becoming a dad."
Niel felt an insanely strong urge to burst out laughing but controlled himself. "I'm not yet sure if I should celebrate when Elric is lying unconscious."
Stan noticed Niel's expression of anxiety and tension that even as he controlled his nervous laughter, it was clear he was extremely perturbed. "He'll be alright. He's one of the luckiest dudes I've ever met and if anything, I'm sure both Lusha and Luca will be fine at the hands of my uncle's care."
Looking at Stan, who'd pulled a chair and sat down, Niel asked, "Lucky? How so?"
"Personality-wise, he manages to get along with just about everyone, doesn't need to work a day in his life. He's fucked around big time and still got to be fated to his former lover's lover."
"Are you trying to piss me off?"
"I'm being very candid with you. I can almost bet your grandparents liked him at first sight just as mine did and Yeon's parents. What else?" Stan rhetorically asked himself. "He's adaptable, witty, freespirited, got married before me, had kids before me, two for that matter... The list goes on..."
"Sounds like you are jealous."
"I am indeed jealous of him."
Niel simply stared at Stan without uttering a word.
"What?"
"You forgot he is handsome, has a great body and..."
"Hey, a point of correction. Yeon is more good looking with a much more appealing physical appearance and personality."
A boisterous laughter escaped Niel. "I second you on that!"
"Wait, what?"
"I'm agreeing with you asshole. Yeon is definitely one of a kind."
"Have you ever liked him?" Stan asked, seeming somewhat discontented.
"You are the third person to ask me this bullshit question."
"Just answer me."
Niel frowned then asked, "You know I was dating his sister right?"
"And?"
"Why would I be with her when I could have been with Yeon instead?"
"You did just agree to his good looks."
"You're exhausting to talk to and I'm tired." Niel stood up. " I'm going back to sleep..."
"Elric..."
Stan's calling his fated in such a simple way stopped Niel in his tracks, rooting him on the spot.
"He is my brother so take care of him well even if he hurt you in the past. I'm aware he can be a little too sensitive sometimes and remain quiet while in suffering, acting like everything is okay so when he wakes up and you take him home, exercise a little patience."
"Noted."
"That's it?"
"That's what?"
"Equivalent exchange, tell me something about Yeon too of equal value."
"I think you know everything about him already more than anyone else."
"Try me."
"He likes ice cream "
"You'll have to do better than that and I'm not seeking to know Yeon's hobbies but rather inner hidden characters of his."
"He weirdly enough puts up with your possesive neediness.
Stan frowned.
"Fine." Niel sighed. "He gets extremely ticklish whenever he becomes too happy."
"How is this equivalent exchange?"
Niel threw his hands in the air exasperatedly and asked, "Then what do you want from me? Frankly, I find talking to you very unpalatable!"
"Shh! You're going to wake up everyone with that temper of yours."
Standing up, Stan walked towards the front door and just as he was about to leave, he turned back and said. "I'm going to return in half an hour therefore come up with something of equal value."
"Asshole." Niel swore as soon as the door shut. He sat back down again after fetching a glass of water and pondered over his future, his new reality. Things were going to be different from now on. His past, present and future were intertwined with Elric's for life. There was no going back at this point.
'Even now, I'm still amazed at how fast our relationship has grown. Just months ago, we became fated, then graduated and you mentioned that crazy idea of us getting married and we did, a very simple and inexpensive ceremony sighed between us like a business contract.
As if we weren't already bound when we scent manifested to become mates.
In the end, you caught me in your net... I became one of your many victims yet surprisingly, you bowed down to me obediently, making it an absolute necessity to fulfill your desires and outrageous wishes.
Elric...
Luca was born from me, Lusha from you. It was a huge surprise you hid very well from me, often painting it out to appear like I was in control when you always took the lead. I'd thought many times I could subdue you and find your deepest secrets which were quite simple. A beautiful man with the love for hugs he labels koala possession, with a coaxing character that unlocks perversion and passion out of anyone, with a need to want to be understood but barely understanding himself enough to open up to those he cares for the most.
You make me so anxious! I'm overthinking again...
Damn it!
I miss him so much...'
"Niel?!"
"Yeon!" Niel jumped startled. "Y-You're awake?"
"I've been calling you but you're just standing like a statue by the door."
'Door?' Niel thought to himself, stunned to find his absentmindedness had led him upstairs that he hardly had no memory of taking the stairs himself.
"Stop frying that brain of yours. Have you never stopped being a worrywart?"
"I-I was..."
"Let's go inside, we'll wake Stan's dad's up with our night bickering." Yeon opened the door to Stan's room and pushed Niel inside, shutting the door behind them.
"I couldn't sleep knowing you are here."
"You startled me from my thoughts. I keep thinking about Elric lying in hospital all alone and what I had to endure...the things I saw... It hits different when it's someone you care deeply for."
Unable to say anything, Yeon looked around the room and how empty it had been with two boxes at the corner and a couple of books on top of the dressing table.
"Stan's parents were quick to organize everything for your stay. I hope you're not too uncomfortable "
"Not really. I had time to peruse through some books here and there when I began feeling insomniac until I got bored. Whose room was this anyway?"
"Stan's."
"I thought it was Elric's?"
"No. His room is quite dusty from being unoccupied for far too long. Perhaps Stan cleans up here from time to time seeming that he's been decluttering and taking his belongings to my room."
"Are you two considering having a family soon?"
"You saw Stan at the baby shower. He's already hinted a couple of times how much he wants me and him to start a family."
"It's obvious he is planning to propose to you very soon."
Yeon's eyes widened at that moment of truth. It wasn't that he had not anticipated Stan wanting them to wed but he still felt the side effects of a heartache. Mistrust.
Of course he trusted Stan and his mind no longer faltered when it came to how he felt. He'd enjoyed spending time with his fated and had gotten used to him that even Stan's possessiveness no longer bothered him.
Time for them to go official legally was fast approaching and Niel pointing out aloud was like a wakeup call from a slumber he'd fallen into unawares. Yet, that feeling of mistrust lingered like a suspicious haunting ghost, reminding him of the promise he'd made to himself to never love again.
'What if one day I open my eyes and find myself alone once more like in the past? What if he...
Eventually, one of us will have to face a future without the other... Without him in it.
Oh no... How did I come this far to surpass him?
It seems that it's me that can't live without him.'