As I awoke in my deep slumber, I come to realize that I have come back once again in the past. The God, Stalum, have listened to my desperate call in my first life to come back and change the past. In my first life, as I die alone in my son's room, I desperately called to him and prayed to give me another chance to save my son and my husband from committing a grave sin.
I raised both of my hands to fully confirm that the God, Stalum, have granted my wish. Today the moon shines brightly. I slowly looked at the man sleeping beside me and realize that I have come back to the time where everything started to go wrong. In the past I wore a silk red night gown excitedly waiting to tell my husband about the life that is slowly forming in my belly.
Today is also that day. I looked at up my night gown and it was the same as before. I closed my eyes and gently caress my husband's hand encircled in my waist. He must not know that I am pregnant.
If he does, he'll commit the gravest sin of his life. I will not allow that to happen. I will save him and my son.
In the past when I've finally told him the happiest news, he was not happy but told me to get it aborted. He didn't want to be a father. He didn't want children roaming around the emperor's palace. He hates the sight of children. This was all because of his ill-rooted trauma from his father, the current emperor, who did nothing but abuse, torture and bully him. It was said that it is the only way to discipline the next successor of the iron throne.
My husband is famous for being heartless, cold and a tyrant. He has killed many with his hands and sword. He does not show mercy to his enemies nor even to his subjects. I was the only one capable of entering His Majesty's heart. He fell in love to the late Baron Armand's daughter who have nothing to offer but myself.
I have to leave the palace and escape my husband. If I have to leave him in order for our child to be alive then I will bear that painful decision. I will raise this child alone and away from his majesty's eyes.
"Florence…" my gaze met his crimson red eyes. Why did he wake up?
Ahh. Once again, I am able to stare at my husband's eyes. I am able to see him again in this life of mine. I slowly caress his beautiful face as he pulls me closer to him. I have missed this warmth. I've missed the way he tightly hugged me afraid that I will disappear in his sight. I missed his scent and everything about him.
"Did I wake you?" I gently asked.
"No. I kind of felt like someone was staring at me that's why I have woken up." I chuckled softly. Even in his sleep his aware of my presence.
"I'm sorry. I really like staring at my husband's beautiful face." He gave me warm smile and then planted a soft kiss in my forehead.
How can this glorious man have terrifying childhood and traumas? I thought that I would be able to help him but whenever I try, he stops me. I wanted to help him. I want to heal his heart and make him believe that he can have a new start again in his life. I thought of giving him a family because maybe then he'll have a reason to open up a little bit more to me however, he ended up rejecting our child. The past him may not tell me the truth of what truly happened that night but I knew he was there when our son got killed by an assassin.
"Eros…" I softly called his name.
"Hmm… what can I do for my beloved wife?" he asks affectionately.
"Do you want to have a child?" I boldly asked in a whisper. I hoped for a different response like in the past. I want to hope that the Eros in this life would be open to have a child and start a family.
"There's no need to have a child, Florence." He sounded a bit cold but he still pulled me closer to him and buried his face in my neck. I nodded in response to his answer. I knew he would say that I was just hoping maybe something would change now but it remains the same.
"You don't need to have a child, my wife. I will give you everything in this Empire. You only need me." He whispered beneath his breaths.
Sighed. I hugged him back and gently touch his beautiful blonde hair. I have the answer I shall leave as soon as possible before the maids and my lady-in-waiting finds out of the child I am carrying in my belly. There's no other option but to leave the palace and use my magic.
"I understand, my dear husband. Shall we go back to sleep now?" I tenderly asked him. Eros nodded and we cuddled with each other.
Soon the current emperor will step down to his position and pass the throne to Eros. In two months', time he will be the new Emperor of Pravalon Empire, the largest, richest and powerful empire in the entire map of Sturin. Since I have come from the past, I know that Eros would make this Empire rise even more to the top until a war break outs in the West of Sturin.
Eros holds the most powerful military power in the whole of Sturin. There are thirty-six countries surrounding the Pravalon Empire and in the future these countries would unite to start a war against the Pravalon Empire. Many lives will perish and this was also the time my child and I slowly withered to death. In order for me to avoid this tragedy I will escape and live in a very far away land. A land where Eros nor his Knights will not find. This is a land only my mother and I know.
"Eros, I love you." I whispered silently as I finally watch him be more relax in his sleep. I know that he can only sleep this comfortable when I'm beside him but if I won't leave now, I will not have the chance again to leave this palace. The security will get tighter and tighter each day Eros' coronation comes to close.
I spent another hour memorizing his face. In the past I was not able to say my goodbye to you because you didn't know of my death. That's right, he was busy with the war that he forgot to check on his grieving wife. But it's okay. I will always forgive you, Eros. I choose to love you that's why I am also choosing to understand and forgive you with every mistake you commit.
I love you but not blindly. That's why I have to make this decision now. I closed my eyes as I indulge myself once more in the warmth of his arms. You are strong my husband and I know you will find a suitable Empress that can help you further rise in your position and influence in the whole Empire.
I have come to realize that my love is not enough to protect you nor heal you. But I still hope one day for your freedom and happiness. May the God, Stalum, grant this wish of mine. I have no regrets in loving you in my first and second life, Eros.
I start to chant in my head a spell which I have known for a long time. This spell will transport me to the place I've prepared in case I need to runaway in the past. A small light with a little dust started to appear in front of me.
"May our paths never meet again, Eros." I said as a tear drop from my eyes. I slowly vanished in his arms seeing his fading sleeping face away.