Illus could barely remember the first 12 years of his life. Flashes of memories would pass, but nothing much. He wasn't self aware at the time and knew nothing. However, he viewed that time as blissful and the greatest part of his life.
After that, everything went downhill.
The curse of being conscious and intelligent was the fact that others were dumb. Illus had two sisters who cared for him and a loving mother and father who provided for him.
He did not like them. In the slightest.
From the previous description, most people would be happy to have parents and siblings like them, but Illus was not. In his eyes, his sisters were bitches who didn't know when to stop talking, his father a coward who did everything asked of him, and his mother a hypocrite who got angry at the slightest thing.
In short, they were normal people.
They were normal people with normal problems. They had their issues, but they didn't cross the line and anybody looking from afar would think that they were a loving family. However, that was a lie. At least for Illus.
Illus did not like lying about his opinion, in fact he abhorred it, but there was nothing he could do. Whenever his mother told him she loved him or asked him to preform one of the many traditions revolving around mortal holidays, he felt the impulse to tell the truth about his feelings.
But he couldn't. Every once in a while, towards the beginning, he tried to tell her, to tell them, he was uncomfortable with their way of acting. He didn't want to tell them they were wrong, as they weren't, but he would like them to be a bit more conscious of their actions and their affects. However, the words either froze in his throat, or his mother would give him a look like she was disgusted. Then she would sulk and be really sensitive. Once she got angry at one person she got angry at everyone.
The worst part was, she always would recover immediately after and assume everything was alright. It wasn't. But he was too afraid to tell her that.
The situation with his sisters was similar. They were mini-moms in the making. Fortunately, he didn't interact with them as much so things were a bit better.
It was hell and he suffered in silence.
But he knew it wasn't their fault. They were acting 'normal'. Nothing more.
However, that normal, would cause him to tense up at every sound that would come through the walls, worried that another argument was coming up between his unreasonable mother and his maturing, sensitive sisters who didn't know when to shut up.
Due to this fact, Illus developed a trauma to loud noises, especially when they come through objects and he can't identify what is being said.
Illus contemplated suicide many a time, wondering if this was his life and if their was any point. He was taught martial arts, so as to protect his family from other mortals, and, despite not wanting to train, had it drilled into him.
He learned not to argue or be irrational. He had tried to get involved at first, but he learned quickly that he couldn't win, even if he was in the right.
Fortunately, he was very good at observation and learning what not to do. It was rare for him to complete the same mistake more than once or twice. Especially, if the consequences were dire.
His father was a quieter guy and not super unreasonable, but, in Illus's eyes, he seemed like a slave to his wife. Illus would never marry someone like her and developed a bit of an aversion to love, though not a trauma. Fortunately, he didn't have an overactive sexual drive or interest in romance.
Due to Illus's contemplations of suicide, he soon began to contemplate other things. The right and wrong, universal rules. Rather than get spiteful over the irrationality of other beings, he tried to learn why they were irrational so much and he wasn't. That's not to say Illus couldn't panic, it was just rare. He put himself in other's shoes. Doing so, Illus began to respect all beings that were intelligent. Thus, he decided to not take a life unless something he deemed worthy of a life was being taken from him. An eye for an eye point of view, in a sense.
Illus does not respect life, only intelligence and other's opinions. As far as he is concerned, life doesn't matter at all.
One thing that Illus had always done, was close his eyes. He was a lazy person, even as a child. He went years without opening his eyes as a child, and by the time it became weird, he could do things with his eyes closed as well as he could with them open so nobody could complain. He wouldn't let them take this from him, at least.
However, it wasn't just his closing his eyes and improving his senses without much effort that he liked. More that anything, Illus loved to sleep.
Sleeping was Illus's greatest joy. An escape from reality that would cut off his senses and make him lose track of time. Illus loved that feeling. Of not remembering. It reminded him of his childhood. He also loved waking up as he realized that he lost track of time and that he had escaped for an unknown amount of time. In his eyes, it was beautiful.
But he couldn't sleep forever and he wasn't alone. He had no excuse to leave his village nor did he have the strength.
Illus went on with his life contemplating ending it, and wondering if this was all there is, when he had not one but two fateful encounters.
The first was when he learned of cultivation. Some mortals who had left a long time ago had come back to visit (boast). It was there that he learned about the cultivation world and immortality.
He spent his time observing the cultivators. He developed a sense of what their world was like and decided to stay out of the way of people. The pride they showed from their strength showed the kind of character that world generally had. Not something he liked, but rather than being adverse to cultivating, a new idea formed in Illus's head. He would escape via cultivation. That would be his excuse, but even more than that, it would be his passion. To become immortal and go to sleep without worries.
However, this idea changed with his second fateful encounter.
One day, he came across a demon. She had small red horns and long raggedy orange hair that hid her eyes and stretched down her back. Her chest wasn't large of small nor was she tall. She was pretty short actually though not enough to cause concerns about growth.
[A/N: a.k.a. not a loli, just short. Everybody seems to think when an author says short, they mean loli.]
Her most striking feature was her innumerable scars and bandages, one of which covered one of her eyes.
She could definitely be considered beautiful, even with her raggedy appearance.
Demons were not that rare actually. They were a race, along with most spirit beasts, that had the same intelligence as humans, they were just discriminated against. In most Heavens, there were places for a demon to reside, but this was the 1st Heaven so any demons here would wander.
Anyways, he first came across her when she was getting beaten. He disapproved of the beating as he naturally held some respect for her and the men that were beating her made it evident they were doing so because of their race.
So, he stopped them. Not using strength, but he simply asked them why and kept on asking questions till they got annoyed and left. He was actually quite curious about the concept of prejudice so he actually got really into questioning them.
When they left, he simply looked at the girl and cocked his head. She just looked back at him, moving her hair slightly so he could see her dead eyes.
Such began the odd friendship between the human and the demon. She was the only person whose company he enjoyed. Why? Because she listened. Because she had things to say. They had debates and rants, both of which they would talk about in a calm manner being serious and still maintaining an air of joking.
The first person that he had a favorable opinion of. It was a great excuse, not having to lie about going to see a friend to get out of the house. However, it should be important to note. He did not fall in love with her nor did he particularly care for. His view of her was slightly above all others. That was it. He found it hard, almost impossible for him to feel strong emotions. However, it wasn't impossible. He first felt love when he first realized the joy of falling asleep and waking and he knew it. He first felt hate when he first accidentally read NTR. He identified and stored these emotions, but he never felt them for another person. Not even his family.
They spent 2 years together. By that time, Illus was almost 18, old enough to leave to cultivate and the demon seemed to also be nearing something. Though he didn't know what. He just knew that since she told him one day she would vanish, which was fine by him. He didn't care that much . He simply, genuinely, wished her well. She genuinely also grew closer to him. To her, he was a light in a dark world after she lost everything and was condemned to the 1st Heaven. She needed him, he was someone who understood her and listened. He was not complacent nor was he ignorant. Such was born a yandere. But that's a story for another time.
As she had warned, she vanished, but not before he changed his outlook. He wanted somebody with him. Not to love. But someone that could wake him up and have a chat or a meal. Someone who could give him that feeling he got when he woke up as he had no control over it and someone who wouldn't be sad or annoyed by him sleeping and whose greatest passion was to wake him up.
He didn't want to hold anyone back after all.
Such became his Dao. To have him or someone who loves him and whose company he enjoys to reach the peak and to go to sleep without worry, waking up to the warmth of the world and then losing himself in the cool embrace of sleep. That was all. Nothing grand or righteous. He had no such ambitions.
He could only hope that cultivating was somewhat similar to sleeping. Else he was fucked.