-WARNING -
There is a scene in which someone is almost taken advantage of sexualy. If you are unable to read this disclaimer about possible rape and being drugged then you should not be reading this story.
UNEDITED-
Marisol POV-
"I'm not really sure, she just said that she's never felt more alive and it's thanks to you.."
"Oh.. she's welcome then.." I shrugged. My mind wandered back to the thought of Alex dictating my hell.
"What's on your mind?"
"You don't want to know."
"I do or I wouldn't have asked.. do you want me to come in so we can talk about it?"
Perhaps I should get this off my chest once and for all, I walked into the room a few feet and turned around, Alex quickly came inside and closed the door. "..I'm thinking about how you could've helped me. But instead you surrounded me by strangers and locked me in a cage." Alex clearly wasn't expecting this answer..
She looked to the floor and then to me. "I didn't have a choice."
"Don't lie."
"Alright, I had a choice.. I chose for you to live."
"I would have chose that for myself if I'd known you were alive.. but you didn't let me."
"I'm sorry.. I was ashamed."
No amount of shame would urge me to do what she did.. "It doesn't matter.. let's just go back to Victor so I can find August."
Alex held her eyes closed for a moment.. "What am I going to say to him?"
"You tell him we're leaving."
"He'll sooner have us killed than let us go if I tell him that."
"Not if I kill him first."
"Sol.. he's still my father."
"He trades in lives, he's evil.. You once told me I belong to him.. you remember that?"
"I belong to him aswell, we all do." Alex argued.
"You're so brainwashed.. did Luca plant that seed in your head?"
"What?" Alex furrowed her eyebrows.
"He tried to get me to want to be loyal to Victor.. I'm starting to think he did the same to you." To be honest I think I'll believe anything that means this isn't the real Alex.
"Well.. I don't think so.. how would I know something like that?" She asked clearly concerned.
"Did you ever care what he thought before you went to Luca?"
A look of revelation swept across Alex's face.. her jaw dropped. "That mother fucker.."
"So will you ask Luca to take it back?" I asked.
"I don't think Victor will like it.. but I guess that's the point right?"
I smiled.. possibly a little closer to having back the Alex I remember. I know she'll never be exactly the same, this world changes everyone, time changes everyone. "If you have to be brainwashed into doing something then what you're doing is definetly not right."
"Right now I just want you to know I'm sorry.."
"Can we just go please?"
"Okay.." Alex nodded and opened the door.. She led me through the corridors and out to a small indoor parking garage. Not ten minutes later we were cruising down the deserted highway, some of the dead waved frantically as we passed.. a couple had been ran over and ended up mushed pancakes. After we made it back Alex took me straight to my room.. "I'll be back soon."
Two minutes later my door knocked. "Come in!" I called..
Nat came in and closed the door behind her.. "Welcome back.." She smiled as she turned around.. "Wow.. you look fierce!" Her wide eyes were on my forehead, clearly meaning my new addition.
"I don't know how to hide them yet.." I lifted my hand to the small dark horns on my head.
"Try picturing what you want and see if that works.." I made an attempt to do as she said and nothing happened.
"Maybe you just have to practice.."
"Maybe." I sighed.
"Do you think they'll grow?"
"I hadn't thought about it.." I shrugged.
Nat still hadn't looked down.. "..Can I touch them?" She asked like she was a small child about to pet her first snake.
I shrugged.. "Sure."
She came close and gently felt them.. "Sharp."
Alex walked through the door.. "What are you doing?"
"I was just feeling Lilith's horns.. I didn't even know Roman had horns." Nat went back to touching the other one, probably checking if they're the same.. Alex didn't look very happy about it. "Did you know?" She was finally done and looked to Alex.
"Yes, I did."
"Oh.. okay, well, I'll leave you to it then." Nat smiled.. "See you later Lilith." She made a point to coyly smile to me before leaving.
Alex sighed a deep breath and I looked over to see her still looking at the door.. "Do you like Nat?"
"I think so."
"Do you care about her?"
"Why?"
"Can you just answer the question?" She asked while not looking at me.
"I think so."
"So you love her?"
I laughed.. "I don't know her."
"But you care about her.. that's the only feeling that can break the barrier." Alex looked to me now, she looked sad.
"Maybe that's true for you but it isn't for me.. I care about Nat because she was actually there when I needed someone, you could've been. So please don't stand there and try to decipher my feelings because you don't like how it sounds."
"I didn't think you'd want to see me like this.. I remember how much you hated this part of yourself. I'm not good Marisol."
"I didn't care if you were good, bad or pink or orange.."
"..'didn't?'.."
"I never would have left you like that.. no matter what I look like, or eat.. or how long it's been."
"I was always close by. I didn't know what else to do."
"You're really not the Alex I knew.. I don't know if I can do this with you."
"What are you talking about?" Alex asked confused.
"This.. all of it, being near you."
"I had to change.."
"At what cost? You're more feared than Nat and she's an arsehole.."
"This is why I didn't want you to see me."
"I've done my fair share of shitty things.. you of all people know that.. but you locked me in a fucking cage."
"You threw yourself through a double sided mirror.."
"Because I was beat up and drugged in the middle of the street, then I woke up in a strange place knowing that I was being watched. What would you have done?"
"Not that."
"Well it seemed like my only option!" I argued.
"Okay.." Alex spoke calmly with her hands out to try to slow down our conversation.. It was obvious I was getting a little heated. "You know I'm sorry. I can say it a million times and I know I still can't take back what I put you through.. but you ate, you learned some things, you found me, and your dad."
"Apologies with a 'but' means you aren't really sorry at all."
"You're alive.. that's all that matters to me."
"I had to watch her for hours.. to make sure I didn't move too much just incase her blood rolled over to me. Even though it wouldn't have matter much since I was already covered in it." She really has no idea.
"I told you before.. I don't control everything.. I wanted you in the cage so you couldn't hurt yourself.."
"And the drug to make me loose my mind with hunger?"
"That was also me."
"Anything else you want to tell me?"
"I make stupid decisions when you aren't around.. you make me a better person, you always have."
"You shouldn't need someone to make you good."
"I know, but it's still true.. I was born into violence. I always knew I was going to end up some form of twisted evil.. didn't know it would be on this level though."
"You didn't have to become this."
"What else was I going to do? Hide in your house with Sam and our teacher, hoping that you're not dead."
"You could've helped people.. not rounded them up like cattle."
"We eat humans Sol. I thought you were okay with that."
"No I'm not okay with it."
"Did Luca mess with your head again?"
"No he didn't do anything.. It's just not working anymore.. I don't think I want it to. It makes us into monsters.."
"You think I'm a monster?"
"If it walks like a duck and quaks like a duck."
Alex looked hurt for a moment before regaining her composure and standing up straight.. "Perhaps I am.. What will you do when we find August?"
"I'm going to take him far away from here."
"I wish I could leave with you."
"Then do it."
"I ..I can't. They need me here."
"For what? Keeping people in line? For killing? Is that what you want your life to be.. What you want mine to be?"
"Well we can't just leave Marisol.. he will kill us both, you think Nat is your friend right now? she won't be, you can't just kill everyone that gets in your way."
"I can try.. as soon as I have August everything will be okay."
"You can't just leave." Alex spoke again in more of a demanding tone causing me to look at her funny.
"I'll do what I have to.. with or without you. I care about you Alex.. or Khan.. whoever you are. But I care about August a whole lot more."
"What if they find us?"
"If they come for us I'll kill them."
"What will we eat?"
"I don't know yet.. I don't even know if I want you with me."
Alex did a deep inhale like she'd been hit in the chest. "That's fair.. well then, I'll leave you to think about it." She tried her hardest to smile while making her exit.. I just watched her leave. After a few more seconds I sat down and closed my eyes.. Wondering how things got like this.. was Alex always going to become this cruel? Or is it the wall built in her mind? cutting out everything that made her good. I know what it's like to have those emotions cut off.. it's difficult to care about anything. I wonder if she'd act different if I was a guy.. What would I look like if I was a guy? I thought on it some more.. imagining my face with a more chiseled jawline, shorter hair.. muscular.. I heard my clothes rip.. When I looked down I saw that I had doubled in size.. my hands like spades. A knock at the door came and someone walked in.
"Uh.. who are you?" Nat asked.. "Where is Lilith?"
"Well.." My voice sounded deeper.. "I'm Lilith.."
"No fucking way! That's amazing!.. wait how did you do that?"
"I just.. thought about it.. without really thinking about it. Were you just waiting for Khan to leave?"
"Maybe.." Nat shrugged and then looked back to me.. "Woah you're kinda attractive.."
"I thought you were gay."
"I'm whatever I want to be."
"Fair enough.."
"So how do you change back?"
"I don't really know.."
"Oh shit... Well.. try doing what you did before."
I nodded and tried a few times but.. "It's not working."
"Try again."
"I tried four times already!"
"Hey calm down.." Nat held my forearm.. "It will happens when it happens."
"But.. I.. I need to pee." I looked to her slightly horrified at the thought.
"Oh you have a dick."
"Yeah I think so.."
"You didn't check?"
"I'm pretty sure I can feel it."
"Well you could still just sit down.."
"Okay but do I have to shake it? Or wipe it or something?"
"Do you want me to help?" She asked me casually as though it wasn't a big deal.
"No.. I don't. Can you just give me advice please."
"I'm trying.. I've never had a dick before."
"I can't hold it in.." I got up and left for the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind me. I stood infront toilet weighing my options.. I could just piss myself and ignore it all together.. but that's pretty disgusting. So instead I pulled my trousers down and cautiously sat down. I felt immediate relief. Afterwards I sat for a few seconds contemplating what to do.. I have to look down don't I. So I did.. "Holy shit!" I quickly looked up.. then back down.. "Oh mother." I whispered.
"I'm guessing you have a dick then." Nat spoke through the door.
"What do you think?" I answered back unenthusiastically.
"Oh, Hey Khan." I heard her say with the worst timing possible.
"Hey.." Alex spoke in a suspicious tone.. "What are you doing?"
"Oh nothing.. Lilith is just having some bathroom trouble."
"Bathroom trouble?" She repeated, clearly questioning the validity of Nats words, even though they were true.
"She doesn't know whether to shake or wipe.."
"Will you shut up!" I spoke annoyed, then remembered I sound like a man.
"Who's in there?!" Alex asked clearly worried.
"Just Lilith.." Nat answered casually.
Alex burst through the door straight away. There I was, sitting on the toilet in ripped clothing.. "Who are you?!" She demanded fists up.
"I'm having a really stressful time right now, I would greatly appreciate it if you closed the door on your way out so I can figure out what to do."
"It really is you isn't it."
I looked up to her for a moment, then looked away and spoke.. "Yes.. now please get out."
Alex just backed away and closed the door. I decided to wipe since it seemed like the most sanitary option.. not the nicest experience though.. really could've done without it. When I came out of the bathroom both Nat and Alex were waiting for me. "How long are you planning on staying like this?" Alex asked.
"I'm hoping it'll wear off."
"I don't think that's how it works." Nat spoke.
"How do you know?" I asked..
Nat looked to Alex probably not knowing how much she was aloud to tell me.. "Because there are other shapeshifters." Alex answered.
"Are there any here?"
"No.. not anymore. I really can't wrap my head around what I'm looking at.." Alex blinked a few times.
"I think she looks handsome.. beautiful?"
"Yes well, she can't stay like this.. can you go ask Felix for the index please?"
Nat nodded.. then looked back to me again as she left the room. "I take it you don't think I look handsome.."
"I'm not attracted to men. It's too weird to look at you.."
"It's weird for me too." I sighed.
"What were you trying to do anyway?"
"I was just imaging what I'd look like if I was a man instead. What would you do if I stayed like this?"
"I don't know.."
"Just think about it.."
"It's hard to say.. in my heart I know it's you but my head is telling me it isn't." Alex looked to me, over my features again and back to her hands where she was awkwardly fiddling with the bottom of her jacket.
"Would you ever get Luca to take the wall down?"
For a moment before she spoke it looked like she thought I was crazy.. "No."
"I still don't know if this is worth it."
"What?"
"This.. with you."
"Because I protect myself?"
"Because that's all you've done. The Alex I know would've tried harder.."
"People change when you loose the ones you care about.. you should know that."
"Of course I do.. but it wouldn't excuse me imprisoning, drugging and starving you.. then lying about it afterwards. And you don't even see it as a big deal.. I just can't do this with you right now. Please leave." I finally came to a conclusion.. Alex looked hurt by it.
"What about August?"
I closed my eyes as I started talking so I wouldn't have to look into hers.. "I don't want you there.. I don't want you near him."
I glanced up, Alex looked taken aback.. Her eyes flicked to the floor and up to mine again. "You know I'd never hurt August."
"And you'd never hurt me too right?"
"That's different.. I love you."
"You've got some twisted ways of showing it.. You don't know how to love. Your feelings make you dangerous to me."
"I just want you to be okay.."
"Even now you still don't see my point."
"What do you want me to do?"
"Sort your head out or stay away from me.."
"It's not that simple Marisol! I've done terrible things. What if I can't handle it? What if you decide you don't want me and it was for nothing?"
"See.. you can only think about yourself.. I want the you that is compassionate, thoughtful. If you take the wall down you will understand why the world is better off."
"I can't." Alex got up and left. Now on my own I decided to try an find some loose clothes to dress into.. Afterwards a knock came at the door. I answered and found 'hooker me' staring back.
"Hello uh, is uh.. Khan here?" She looked me up and down almost forgetting why she came.
"No. Is everything right?"
"Yeah I mean, I was just looking for a chat that's all.. are you new here?"
"Fairly new." I answered with a small smile.
Her eyebrows raised and she nodded happily.. "Is Lilith inside?" I shook my head 'no' not knowing what else to do.. "Do you want a chat?"
"Uh.. sure.. would you like to come in?" I asked, maybe she's not as bad as I first thought.
She nodded and walked inside.. "So what are you doing here?"
"Just waiting.. Do you have a power?"
"Not really.. I'm good at farming so I make myself useful out there."
"Oh nice. You grew up on a farm?"
"I did.. How did you know?"
"I just guessed." I smiled politely..
She kept her eyes on me for a few extra seconds.. "Where abouts did you grow up?"
"I've lived in the city a long time." I gave a vague answer not feeling the need to divulge.
"Hm.. I'm surprised I haven't seen you around before.. I'm sure I'd remember a face like yours." She grinned flirtatiously.
I just smiled back causally.. "Yes well, I haven't always looked like this."
"I mean, you do look familiar.. I just can't place it. Would you like a drink?" She pulled a glass bottle out of nowhere.
"Sure.." I shrugged and she handed the bottle over.. "Don't you want any?"
"No it's alright.. I'll get more soon."
I shrugged and gulped down a few mouthfuls of the bitter liquid.. "What is this?" I almost choked as I spoke.
"I don't know really.. Gets you fucked that's all that matters." She shrugged casually. With that thought in mind I drank a few more mouthfuls, then my eyes went blurry.. I could hardly make out what was infront of me. Her face came into view as she held me steady by my arms.
"What did you do?" I asked groggily.
"I told you It'll get you fucked.." She spoke as she slid a hand down the front of my trousers.
"What are you, doing?" I tried to shake the blurriness while trying to escape her grasp.. I stumbled backwards and was stopped by the wall.
"I came for Khan but.. I found something better." Her hands were back on me again, one sliding up my shirt across my stomach.. with every second that passed I grew weaker and weaker. Her lips pressed against mine, traveling down to my neck where she bit down hard.. I hissed and tried to back away but forgot about the wall sandwiching me in. Her cold hand went back down the front of my trousers.
"Please, get off me.."
"I will, just.. fuck me first.." She spoke through exaggerated breaths.
"No." I tried to wriggle and squirm but I didn't seem to be going anywhere.
"Come on, I'll make you feel good." She captured my mouth with her own again, holding my head to face her with a firm hand around my neck, her other hand still messing in my trousers.
The door opened and I could see white hair in the near distance.. I knew who it belonged to straight away. "..What the fuck?!" She stomped over and I could now see the anger on her face.. The woman quickly let go of me, without her body holding me up steady I fell forwards onto my face. "If you don't leave right fucking now I'll kill you where you stand." Alex spoke through gritted teeth, I could hear the rage in her voice. "Maybe I should kill you anyway." I heard the quick patter of footsteps as the woman probably scurried out of the room. Alex quickly rolled me over onto my back.. I sighed a breath of relief. She easily dragged and pulled me to sit up against the wall, then took a seat front of me, checking my face for injuries, I just watched her. "For a second there I almost left you to it." She gently held my face and moved it to the side as something caught her eye. I saw pure rage in her eyes.. She punched a hole in the wall next to my head. The loud noise made me squeeze my eyes closed. Alex seems different.. angrier, more on edge. "I can't.. I have to kill her." She went to stand up..
"No, just.. stay." I asked managing to open my hand on my lap. She glanced to my eyes, then my hand, then my eyes.. then she sighed and sat down, taking my hand which now engulfed hers. Then she cried.. and cried.. and I couldn't do anything but lightly squeeze her hand.. "Alex?" She looked up at me, a weakness in her eyes that I haven't seen in years. "What's wrong?"
Alex leant forward with her free hand covering her eyes.. "Everything." She almost whispered.
NOTES-
Not sure what was going through my head on this chapter or really any of them but anyway, here it is.. I hope you enjoyed reading it.
I've been thinking about how this story was going to go for a little while but I honestly didn't see it going like that, part of me wants to rewrite the whole chapter. Anyway thank you so much for reading, let me know what you think.
Love love peace.