UNEDITED-
Marisol POV-
"Oh Fuck.." I guess Alex just realised she blew her cover for no reason.. 'oh fuck' is definitely right Alex. She finally stepped into view.. I now know that the flash of white hair I'd seen before was Alex.. she's the only one I've seen around here with this colour hair, and it's so long. That's just like Alex too, spying on me.
So she's no longer human.. I can see that. It's almost like she lost what little pigment she had.. her skin is quite pale, her hair is almost the colour of snow with pointed ears poking out either side. "Well what happened?" She asked glancing to my eyes, the colour of hers had even almost vanished, a bright pale blue remained. Alex quickly looked to my arm and straight back to Nat. Thinking about it now she's probably the one who left the note too.. which means I need to ask her some questions if we're ever alone.
But for now I just sat frozen to the spot.. She's alive.. and she's with the people that are holding me captive. I wonder how long she has been here. She looks more mature than I remember.. more tired too. "Ow" I hissed as the doctor stabbed a pair of scissors into my arm to cut out the ripped stitches.. I didn't even realise he had done cleaning and was ready, my response had been shock rather than the pain itself.. I flinched away and frowned at the doctor.. "You could have warned me" I scolded him.
Daniel looked up at me with an innocent expression.. "I'm sorry Lilith"
"It's alright carry on" I nodded. As my eyes wandered back towards the two woman I was met with both their eyes on me.. I looked between them a few times.
"Are you alright?" Alex had the gall to ask me.
"Not really, are you?" I replied plainly..
"I'm fine"..I can just tell by her eyes that she isn't being truthful.. I think this show is more for Nat and the doctor rather than me.
"Anyway, as I told you before it was an accident.. I just got carried away and-" Nat broke the awkward silence that I didn't realise had began.
"Carried away with what?" Alex cut in before she could finish.
"We were talking to Victor, and she froze.. I just grabbed her arm to take her out of the room before he got pissed off or something. I guess I forgot she tried to kill herself.."
"I'm still sitting right here".. I spoke awkwardly. I know it's true but you don't have to be insensitive..
"Oh right, yeah, sorry.. I just mean, I forgot you had an injury on your arm".. As Nat was talking Alex kept her eyes on my arm, where the doctor still sat snipping and plucking away at the rest of the ripped stitches.
Alex realised I was looking at her and quickly turned her head to Nat.. "Nat can you go and inform Victor of what happened. He will only check the infirmary records later and find out anyway.. I'll stay with Lilith and take her back to her room.. wait for me in the dining room when you're done"
Nat exhaled a deep sigh before taking another breath to reply.. "Of course Khan".. She nodded and walked off back out the door leaving me with 'Khan' and Daniel.
About thirty seconds past before she spoke.. "So how are you settling in?" Alex opened her mouth and the most casual thing came out.
"Fuck off" I replied tiredly. She knows damn well how I'm settling in, Nat literally just mentioned my recent attempt at ending my own existence. The doctor stopped what he was doing at looked up at me fearfully.. he quickly put his head back down and continued his work..
Alex glanced to the doctor and back to me.. "Please don't talk to me like that," She's putting up a tough front for this doctor and Nat.. or is this really who she is now? This is Khan.. and my Alex is gone. "I just want you to be comfortable that's all.".. I don't want to make this hard for either of us, but if she is the Khan I heard them talking about then she has a lot of power here. Surely she could have done something.. It seems we are strangers again.
"Thank you for your consideration Khan." I spoke as I laid my head back in the bed and closed my eyes. I felt the needle piercing my skin as the doctor started the first stitch.. but I didn't flinch. I heard her take a breath like she was about to say something, but all that came out was air.
I can feel my emotions twisting up inside.. on one hand I'm greatful she is alive. On the other I'm devastated that she's assumed this new identity.. and left me to rot alone in a cage for weeks. I would have probably done what they'd asked sooner if I'd known I could see Alex.. as bad as it sounds. You know, it's most probably because I've already done it that I don't feel so scared about eating.. regardless, now I just feel betrayed by her.
"I still can't believe she knew you were locked in a cage.. dangling in the air like a pet canary for weeks.." I looked past Alex to the opposite side of the room where Jane had positioned herself on the hospital bed.. "No food, no water.. for all she knew you could've died.." Alex looked behind herself to see what I was looking at..
"Do you use the cage on everyone?" I asked to get her attention again.
"We haven't used the cages in years.." The doctor replied as if in his own world, he quickly remembered where he was, turning his head to Alex then straight back to stitching my arm.
"Then why did you use it on me?"
"You threw yourself through the mirror.. and you weren't eating anyway so Victor decided to starve you out.."
"So your strategy of control is fear and hunger.."
Her lips tightened, jaw clenching a few times before she replied.. "I don't control everything that happens here.." Her eyes traveled to the floor.. "-you belong to Victor" .. I wanted to get up and slap the coward out of her but I can't.. maybe because I'm a coward too.
"Would you have left her in the same position? Alone, stumbling in the dark for an ounce of hope?" Jane asked from across the room.. gaining my eye contact..
"No." I replied in an exhausted tone. I immediately felt Daniels eyes on me, I looked to him and then to Alex who was just looking in the direction I had been. Slowly she looked back to me with a questioning gaze..
"What was that about?" Alex asked with a concerned expression.
"Nothing it's fine, I just got confused for second. If it's alright with you I don't want to talk anymore.." I casually laid back as the doctor continued the last few stitches.
A couple of minutes later I felt him wrap a fresh bandage around my arm.. "All done." He chimed.
I sat up on the bed to look at him and swung my legs over the side.. "Thank you.." I made a small smile and nodded..
"You're welcome.."
"Let's go then" Alex spoke quickly, as if to get us out of the room as fast as possible.. "Do you need any help?"
"No" I stood up and followed her out of the room.
Alex closed the door behind us and paused for a moment with her back to me. She soon let go of the handle and turned to walk through the halls.. I waited for a moment before catching up to her. Everyone we passed along the way stopped walking and bowed their heads until Alex had walked by them. I think I can sense their fear.
We finally made it to my room where she opened the door and held her hand out gesturing for me to go first.. I walked in three feet and turned around to see Alex closing the door behind herself. We stared at each other for a few moments.. "Come here." Alex spoke in a soft voice with her arms out.
"No.." For some reason my eyes started to water.
"Please.." Her voice cracked as she spoke, still holding out her arms. Her tough exterior had already began to crack.. I swear her bottom lip quivered a couple of times before she took a deep breath in.
I guess I couldn't help myself, after everything I have endured I really needed a hug.. This side of Alex is still able to make me do things that are against my better judgement, to know that my Alex is still in there somewhere. I slowly walked the short distance to her, wrapping my arms around her waist as she held my head close to hers.. I can hear her heart beat. It's extremely slow and completely out of rhythm, oddly it's almost exactly in time with mine. The only reason I noticed is because the majority of people that I have encountered have more of a normal pace. I heard her switch something on the back of my collar.. as soon as it was done she squeezed me tighter.
"You don't know how much I've missed this." Why do her words still make me feel warm? And the way she holds me.. Fuck.. I let go of her and took a step back.
"You knew I was here the entire time didn't you?" I asked while wiping the tears I hadn't realised had fallen.
"I'm sorry." Her gaze fell from my eyes to the floor.
"That is not an answer."
"There's nothing I can do-" She pleaded.
"Until I tried to take my life.. but you didn't do anything when they made me murder an innocent woman? It makes me wonder if you still have a heart"..
"I didn't know they made you-" She did look surprised.. though I still can't help but doubt her words.
"-I don't care.."
"Now you're lying.." I looked behind me to see Jane laying across the bed, leaning up on her arm.
"What are you looking at?" Alex asked regaining my attention.
"Nothing.. Do you know where August is?"
"I don't know where he is.. but I know where he was going."
"Where? and how long ago?.." ... "Does he eat people?" I have to know everything..
"He was with a group of survivors heading east to the mountains.." Her face changed as she tried to remember.. "Around four years ago. And no.. he doesn't eat people.."
"What was he doing? Did he seem well to you?"
"I saw him walking through a crowd of the dead and into a supermarket.. I asked if he wanted to come with me-"
"Why the fuck would you do that?!"
"Keep your voice down." Alex hushed me and looked to the door. "He said no.. he was getting food for the rest of his group for their journey"
"How did he look?"
"He looked healthy enough.." .. "He told me that you were dead" ..The air caught in her throat and she turned away from me for a moment with her hand to her forehead. So August really can walk through the biters.. which means he'll never be torn apart by them..
"That means he doesn't need you to save him, or kill for him.." Jane sounded relieved.
"-Or live for him.." I added another.
As soon as I spoke Alex turned back to face me with a confused expression.. "Who are you talking to?"
"No one.. myself.." I quickly changed the answer.. Alex furrowed her brows suspiciously.
"I know you're lying, but you don't have to tell me.."
"Good because I wasn't going to. Shouldn't you be going to find Nat anyway?.. You better go before she gets suspicious.."
"Sol I know this is hard at first but you can get through it.. then Victor will trust you and accept you as one of us.. you wouldn't have to live like this anymore. Just please do what they tell you to.. you already know they will only make it harder if you don't."
"Thanks for the advice Khan"..
Alex sounds just like Nat. But why is she bowing before this tyrant?
Her whole character has changed since we've been alone, I hate it. How sad and broken she looks. But she is still choosing this path. "I need to switch your collar back on."
"Back on?.. you mean it's off right now?" I'm a little exited.. I could jump out the window before she gets her hands on me. Heck I think I still might when she's gone.
"Just the microphone.." She said quickly before I could follow through with any plan.
So they've heard all of my replies to Jane. "You all must think I'm insane.." Not that I care.
"I know you better than that.." She smiled for the first time since I've seen her.
I smiled in return for a moment before it fell from my face "But I don't know you.."
"I think it's better for you this way."
"Just turn it on and go.." I turned around and waited. Alex flicked the switch and left the room. I didn't turn back around because then I'd have to see her leave. When I heard the door close I finally dropped to the floor and cried my heart out.
"Why are you even crying?" Jane asked..
"Can you shut up.. you're making me look crazy." I glanced to her sitting on the edge of the bed as I got to my feet and walked into the bathroom. I looked in the mirror and there she was, right behind me in the reflection..
"As if you don't do that all on your own."
"Whatever.." I turned the tap on and splashed my face with the cold water. When I looked up she was gone.. Thank goodness for that.
As soon as I laid my head on the fluffy pillow I fell asleep.. A knock at the door woke me up. It's light outside which either means I've only slept for a few minutes, or I slept until the next day.. I sat up on the bed still fully clothed anyway "Come in."
"Morning Lilith." Luca smiled to me as he entered the room wheeling a large suitcase.
"Good morning Luca.." I smiled back..
"I thought about what you picked to wear yesterday, and I think you'll like these.." He walked over to the wardrobe laying down the suit case and unzipping it. Luca held up a few items of clothing for me to see before putting them away neatly in the wardrobe. "What do you think of this?" He held up a baggy black jumper with a red anarchist sign printed in the middle.
"I love it" Forrest would have loved it more I'm sure.
"I saw it and it reminded me of you"
"What's that supposed to mean?" I chuckled.
"You're very strong willed, and I can already tell that you resent authority figures.." He spoke as he folded and hung the rest of the clothes.
"You're not wrong.. Hey Luca do know why they are listening to me?"
"They aren't listening all the time.. it's usually just when you're alone to keep an eye on how you're doing.."
"Right.."
"Be careful" He mouthed the words. And I nodded. "How was your time with Nat?"
"It wasn't that bad, I had to get my arm restitched though"..
"Really why?" He furrowed his brows as he came and sat beside me on the bed. I told him what happened and he just shrugged.. "That's Nat for you.. always stuck inside her own head."..
"It is the safest place to be.." Jane spoke, I looked behind us to see her laid in the bed.
"Aren't we all." I sighed.. he gently laid his hand over mine and held it. "I don't know how to live this life."
"I can make it easier.. if you want me too."
"How?"
"I can build a wall in your mind that shields you from the sadness.. and the guilt.. you won't feel anything."
"Really?.."
"It's my gift.." He smiled weakly.
"Do it.." I nodded enthusiastically.
"Are you sure?..It could change who you are. You need some time to think on it at least."
"No.. I want you to do it now.." I nodded again. "I don't want to feel anything".. "Please.."
"Okay" Luca turned to face me, he didn't look sure at all but I am. This is the answer, it has to be. "Come sit down." He guided me with the hand that he still held. We sat legs crossed infront of each other on the floor. Gently taking my other hand he laid them both in my lap.. "Close your eyes" I did and he let go of my hands. "Just focus on your breathing." Luca gently placed the palms of his hands on my temples. A buzzing started in my ears.. my brain began to feel like it was rattling around in my skull. A door opened and several images came flashing through my head. A few moments past and it was over..
He slowly took his hands back and I opened my eyes. His huge brown eyes were staring into mine.. waiting for me to open my mouth.. The way the sun is shining through the window onto his tanned skin is quite a sight. "You look beautiful." Did I just say that out loud?.. I guess I must have.
"So do you.. but I'm also very much into men." Luca smirked..
"It's the end of the world, anything can happen."..I raised my eyebrows as I replied.
"Maybe after a few dozen shots.." He laughed. "How do you feel?"
"Lighter.." That's the only way to explain it.. it's like the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders. "It's the strangest thing.. I know you planted a seed in my head to make Victor proud.. but I honestly don't care. I understand why you did it.. you're in love with him."..
Shock plastered over Lucas face.. he stood up from the bed and took a step back from me. "I.. I-"
"It's alright, I'm not going to say anything.."
"How did you know?"
"While you were messing around in my mind I guess a door opened into yours.." I answered simply.
"I don't understand. Why aren't you furious?"
"I don't care enough about you to be mad at you, you're loyal to who you serve.. it's a good trait to have.."
"oh.." He looked completely out of place.
"Thank you for bringing me new clothes.. I'm going to have a shower.."
"Knock on the door when your ready and someone will take you to where you need to go.." He spoke quickly as I was walking out of the room. I turned the shower on and brushed my teeth while the water was heating up. I took the bandage off and made an effort not to mess with my new stitches too much.
After showering and putting the bandage back on I got dressed into a pair of black skinny jeans, a grey tank top and a leather jacket that has less buckles than the dirty one. I think I like this one better. I brushed my long black hair and put my boots on.
*Knock* *knock*
The door opened and Alex stood in the doorway.. "You're with me today."
"Great." I spoke unenthusiastically.
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NOTES-
Thank you for reading!
I really hope you are enjoying the story so far.
Sometimes I feel like I just say it as it is, I mean I'm not very poetic haha.
If you have shown support for this story I'm so greatful to you. It's really nice to see that you're still here reading. If there's ever any mistakes or just general things about my writing you don't like let me know :). I'd appreciate the feedback as always!!
Take care. Peace.