Today is the big day: I'm finally going to an academy in another world.
Like in the novels I read, a bunch of cliché events are bound to happen, and I can't wait for them.
But what's the difference between attending an academy in another world and a Japanese school?
The answer is simple: because it's magical.
Schools in Japan—and probably the rest of the world—are boring. Any student can tell you, "I wish I could study in a magic school," or something like that.
Classes should be interesting, right?
From what I've seen and heard during my time as a magic stone, they talk about lots of things at the academy. But since Rei usually falls asleep in the back of the classroom, all I end up hearing are his snores.
"Hey, that expression on your face is creepy. Wipe it off, now."
"There's nothing weird about my face. This is joy."
"Oh, right. I forgot—you don't know how to smile since you always walk around with that sour look all day long. Pupupu."
I teased Rei because I can finally make fun of him. It feels great to do normal things—things anyone would do—despite the fact that I'm not exactly normal anymore.
He was clearly annoyed by the way he scowled at me.
"Stop bragging and hurry up. We need to leave soon—Eli will arrive at the academy any minute."
"Sure~."
Another reason he was mad at me was because, earlier this morning, he found me in his bathroom trying to take care of some, uh… basic needs.
Obviously, it was an accident. Rei has his own private bathroom, but out of habit, I used it.
The real reason he was upset? Well, it turns out that this mutant body of mine has to expel toxins, and it's… not the same as just peeing. It's something else entirely. I won't say what it was or where it comes out from, but Rei saw it, and that's why he's mad.
(My buddy down there refuses to wake up, but when it comes to gross bodily functions? No problem, right, body?)
Once we were ready, we left for the gate to hop in the vehicle and head to the capital. Naturally, we'd hide the vehicle along the way so no one would see it and freak out—after all, this is a fantasy world, and an off-road vehicle could easily be mistaken for a monster.
But just as Rei was about to get in the vehicle, he stopped.
"Wait."
"What's wrong?"
"I want to try something. Can we travel in a different way?"
"Huh? … What do you want to ride?"
At his question, I struck a pose and used my cheat abilities to summon something out of this world.
"Tada~!"
I summoned a carpet. But not just any carpet—it was a flying carpet.
(I wanted to summon a flying cloud, but that would break this world's logic. A flying carpet, though? Perfectly reasonable.)
I turned to Rei, eager to see his reaction to my creation.
His face was full of disgust and disappointment.
"What the hell is that?"
"It's a carpet."
"I know it's a carpet—don't take me for an idiot."
"Let me rephrase: Why the hell did you summon a carpet?"
I climbed onto it before answering.
"We're going to fly on it. Isn't it beautiful?"
"I even made it red—a classic."
The look of disdain on his face grew even deeper.
"Are you serious?"
"Completely serious. Obviously, it's not just any carpet—it's a magic carpet."
"I don't care if it's a magic carpet or a magic toilet! I'm not riding that thing! It's embarrassing, and I'll look ridiculous!"
"Oh, come on. Don't be a killjoy. You'll have fun."
"You never wanted to ride a flying carpet when you were a kid?"
"Of course not! It's absurd and humiliating!"
"I see."
Annoyed that Rei couldn't appreciate my brilliant idea, I added:
"Fine, I'll take the carpet, and you can ride in the vehicle. Oh, but remember—if I'm not near you, the magic energy that powers the fuel will run out fast, and you'll get stranded in the middle of the desert."
"…"
"So? Are you coming?"
Like a child throwing a tantrum, Rei climbed onto the carpet.
"I swear, you'll pay for this humiliation."
"Off we go!"
The carpet began to lift, so I adjusted it to prevent it from wobbling.
Just like in that classic anime with the flying cloud, I started singing as we soared through the sky.
It was finally time to head to school in another world!
◇◇◇
"They're gone."
The Madame of the house watched as her son and his newly discovered relative flew off together on a flying carpet.
Her husband had gone to work in the fields now that he was free, leaving her feeling lonely.
"Now that neither of my boys are here, I can feel the loneliness. Rose-chan is still here, but I don't want to bother her in her current state."
Rose spent most of her time sleeping—it seemed that the pregnancy was draining a lot of her energy.
Someone knocked on the door—it was a maid.
"Ma'am, excuse my intrusion, but you have a visitor."
"A visitor? For me?"
"Not for Rei-chan or my husband?"
It was unusual for her to receive visitors, but the gentle expression on her youthful face vanished the moment she heard the maid's next words.
"No, it's for you... from your father."
The teacup she held slipped from her hands, shattering on the floor, just as her eyes filled with redness.
The sweet smile she always wore twisted into the feral snarl of a ravenous beast.
"My father... you say?"
No one else in that house—besides the maid—had ever seen that expression on the face of the woman who always smiled.
◇◇◇
We were already arriving at the academy.
"Kuro! We're almost there—hide somewhere nearby! I don't want anyone seeing me get off this thing!"
I had been having fun until I remembered something.
I looked at Rei with a guilty expression and said, "Sorry. But this is my first time piloting this thing, and at the speed we're going... it doesn't seem like we can stop that easily."
"You idiottttttttttt!"
We had no choice but to crash. Fortunately, it wasn't a plane, so the worst we could expect were broken bones.
I used reinforcement magic and covered us with a shield just before saying, "Disappear." The carpet not only stopped, but it vanished into thin air like dust.
We fell eventually, landing near some bushes on the academy grounds.
"Kurooooooooooooo!"
"Stop shouting. We'll be fine."
We had fallen from high enough to become splattered eggs, but thanks to my cheat abilities, the only thing we caused was a loud noise and a cloud of dust.
We left an obvious mark, but it would be easy to hide with magic.
As we got up and I tried to brush off the dust, Rei grabbed me by the neck.
"Curse you! I almost died because of you!"
"W-Wait, Rei. We're fine anyway."
I didn't need to breathe, so being strangled wasn't a problem for me—but nobody likes being strangled.
"Um... Rei? What are you doing?"
We heard a familiar voice. From behind the bushes, we could see some figures watching us. We quickly stepped out to face them, and I stared at them intently.
It was the royal family—and a bunch of other familiar faces.
"What were you doing in the bushes?" asked Prince Sigurd von Brune, the crown prince and one of the protagonist's allies, along with the other boys present.
"Prince, are you trying a new flying spell? Please be careful not to hurt yourself," said the sweet princess and Rei's fiancée, Elicia von Brune.
"I know I'm the only one not ignoring this, but I have to ask—why did Rei fall from the sky?"
"And Rei, can you tell us who the boy next to you is?"
The obvious question came from Sigurd's right-hand man, Alfred Bacon.
Everyone stared at Rei, expecting him to introduce me. I could have done it myself, but I was a stranger to them, even though I knew all of them.
With a face full of embarrassment and fear, Rei introduced me.
"H-He's Kuro. Kurono Redblade… my cousin."
There was silence at first, followed by a collective gasp.
"Eh? Your cousin!?"
(Ah, there it is—the classic surprise gasp.)
Sig couldn't process what Rei had just said.
"Wait, Rei. What do you mean he's your cousin? I've visited all the nobles in this country. I even know your youngest relatives, and I've never seen him before."
Sig was smart, unlike Rei, which I had warned him about earlier when we discussed how people might react. Rei insisted this wouldn't happen. Now, here he was, sweating nervously as if being interrogated by a narcotics police unit.
"Uh, Kuro is a blood relative who's lived abroad for many years," Rei explained.
"That's why his name sounds strange—one of his parents was a foreigner. They both died while visiting my father, and my family decided to adopt him."
(Oh, good move. No one questions a tragic backstory.)
"Really? That visit sounds a bit odd to me," Sig said.
(I can't believe someone would doubt a tragic backstory!)
(Please. Don't dig any deeper.)
"Onii-sama, stop asking silly questions," Elicia intervened.
"It's obvious how similar he looks to my prince."
"It's Kuro," I corrected, but Elicia's words had already worked their magic.
"Well, they do look alike."
"People say distant relatives rarely resemble each other, but if the princess sees a resemblance, I believe her."
It seemed that everyone trusted Elicia's judgment more than Rei's. Not that they doubted Rei, but perhaps they doubted me.
Wait… Are they doubting me?
That makes everything worse!
"Sorry for the delay, but let me introduce myself," said Sigurd.
"I'm Sigurd von Brune, the crown prince of this country. Nice to meet you."
"This is my younger sister, Elicia."
"Nice to meet you, Turono."
"It's Kuro."
"I'm Alfred Bacon."
"Isaac Ashton, a pleasure."
"Oliver Bennett!"
"Emma Alanson, the princess's maid."
"Z-Zoey Bluegarden, nice to meet you."
"Nadine Mably, pleased to meet you."
Everyone was present—except one person.
"What are you all doing here?"
Rei shivered at the sound of the familiar female voice.
"S-Sasha."
He quickly turned to see her smiling at him.
"What are you all doing here? Hmm, and who is he?"
"Sasha, this is Kurono Redblade. He's a distant cousin of Rei, and he'll be living with his family from now on," explained Elicia.
"I see. You'll have to tell me the whole story later."
Sasha gave me a polite greeting. "Nice to meet you. I'm Sasha Harvey. I hope we get along well."
After greeting me, she walked up to Rei. Seductively, she hugged him and pressed her chest against his arm.
Because of how close we were—and thanks to my cheat-level hearing ability—I overheard what she whispered to him.
"Hello to you, too. You know, I felt a little lonely when you left, but since we'll be in the same place now, I'll look forward to lunchtime and after school."
Like a bolt of lightning, Rei grabbed my hand and pulled his arm away from Sasha's chest.
"H-Hey, Kuro! Let me show you around the academy! Let's go!"
"Uh..."
Why was Rei running away from a girl, despite being such a cocky, confident guy?
Well, that's because of what happened a few months ago after he established friendly relations with Gabino.
Rei managed to prove to Sasha that he was a man worthy of her—and she ended up liking him so much that she pounced on him that day.
In the end, she was happy, and Rei… well, he ended up with a broken back.
I guess this is how my life at the academy begins.
◇
"Damn it, this isn't how things were supposed to go."
My school life in another world had begun, and everything should have been unfolding like in the light novels I used to read.
I was supposed to have adventures fighting criminals, meet foreign princesses, be mistreated by cat girls, have a busty goddess declare me the chosen one, and act as a background character, laughing from the shadows during mysterious events.
That's what should have been happening, right?
But none of it is happening!
From the first day of class, everything was exactly the same as in my school in Japan.
We started with boring classes—math, language, foreign languages, and etiquette, which was basically like joining a tea club for extra credit.
Everything was exactly the same as my previous life.
After classes, we went back to our dorms because study hours lasted until 8 p.m.
Then we'd eat, take a bath, and go to bed at 10 p.m. to wake up at 7 in the morning.
This is literally the same as any other school!
Where's the fantasy and clichés?
Where are the dangers that the protagonists of novels face?
In another world, it's supposed to be normal to go on adventures, slay monsters, and defeat the demon king.
But there's none of that. Just endless hours of boring studying in a never-ending cycle.
"Hey, it's only been a week, and you're already giving up? I've been here almost a year, and I haven't quit."
"No, Rei, you can't give up. You're a duke, and you need to be the most capable person in your territory—so keep studying."
"Damn it, I just want to sleep..."
We were in a typical study session during our free time.
Our free time was used for studying!
Is this some kind of rich kid school?
Well, it is, but that doesn't mean the classes have to be this boring.
I spoke to Rei telepathically.
(My school life was supposed to be exactly what you'd expect from any world... with the kind of youthful experiences that happen in stories. I also wanted it to feel like a romantic comedy, but no girl even comes near me.)
(Stop talking directly into my head—it's gross. Also, what were you even expecting?)
(I told you this academy was boring, but you didn't listen. You brought this on yourself, and I'm not letting you run away. I want you to suffer just like I have! Hahaha.)
His mocking laughter confused everyone around us, but it was meant to be at my expense.
In the game—originally an eroge—romantic elements were normal. But since I got here, I've been trying to make friends with any girl, even the maids.
They've all rejected me, and I don't know why.
Rei, who seemed to read my mind, spoke telepathically again.
(Every time you talk to a girl, you make a weird face. It's like some guy who's never spoken to a woman before approaching one for the first time.)
(Your expression is creepy, you sweat too much, your eyes look deranged, and you're way too pushy about eating together during breaks.)
(And not just that—you stand around staring at the girls from corners. People even say they've seen you outside the women's bathrooms trying to sneak in.)
(You're what they call a stalker, not a student.)
I wanted to respond, but I couldn't admit what I was really thinking.
(The reason I asked to reincarnate in a fantasy world was to fulfill my fantasies, just like any other otaku would.)
(Why the hell does this fantasy world have to be the opposite of what I wanted?)
(What's the point of any of this?)
I couldn't hold it in any longer and yelled at Rei.
"It's only natural to want to look under girls' skirts! The problem is that most of them wear tights or shorts under their skirts because they're so short!"
"And wanting to enter the women's bathroom is totally normal! Do you even know what a 'lucky pervert' moment or a kabedon is?"
"All of those things happen in romantic comedies! What's the point of being alive if I can't enjoy any of that? My life is total crap!"
"A 'kuso raifu', like they say on the internet!"
"Give me back my fantasies of how fantasy schools should be, damn it! I don't want this horrible, boring reality!"
That's when I realized another terrible truth about this world.
I looked up and saw Rei's expression—one of pure shock.
Not the happy kind of surprise, but the "I can't believe you just said that" kind.
And it was completely justified.
The entire room had gone silent.
Every student was staring at me, their eyes wide in disbelief.
Eli and the other girls were sitting at the same table. Her friends stood up, pulling her away from me as they shouted, "Princess, don't look at him!"
Other girls, like Sasha, had expressions of pure disgust, as if I were the lowest scum in existence.
"You're absolutely revolting," Sasha spat.
It was only natural that this would happen. I had realized it too late once again.
(I'm not the protagonist of this world.)
(There is no protagonist—because the usual story events never happened. I'm just a weirdo who loudly confessed to being a perverted stalker.)
This wasn't going to end with a playful "Teehee~" like in a high school anime.
Girls like Sasha tackled me, and, of course, I was expelled.
But thanks to Rei bowing his head, they let me back into the academy under strict observation.
Though, as a result, Rei's reputation was also tarnished.
Without a doubt, fantasy worlds suck when you're not the center of them.
________
Kabe-don is the sound a clap makes when hitting a wall or door. It's a Japanese cliché where a girl corners a girl to demand to know her feelings.
Kuso raifu: A Japanese word that literally reads "shitty life," it's a native, English-combination way of saying you had a bad day.
________________
Corresponding fanservice goes to Sasha because I'm sure they liked her aptitude.
https://danbooru.donmai.us/posts/3482464