"You disgraceful sinner!"
A sinner.
Someone who commits the act of sin.
The last time I was called a sinner was back in Middle School. When I had pushed mean old Arcel Tollstoy, governor's beloved grandson, down the stairs for bullying two boys who were caught kissing. The administration said, "You partook accomplice with two sinners and hurt a neighbour out of vindictiveness. Which makes you an even greater sinner."
It wasn't that deep. I was suspend for a month. My first and definitely not last suspension.
"What atrocities have befallen mankind!" The Priest shrieked out, pointing an erect finger at my head. His eyebrows were squirming in an attempt to make love with each other and thin lips were very well disappeared under the threatening grip of his teeth. His beady blue eyes were brimming with betrayal.
"It's a lollipop," I replied with a frown, licking the tip of the pink silicon dildo. "It tastes like strawberry to people who don't lie. New Invention. Do you wanna try?" I question, blinking at him.
The lawyer went into a coughing fit, now searching for his medication by the rickety desk drawers.
"Don't trick me, child. God knows what you have been upto."
Yeah, He knows but you don't. He isn't gonna jail me but you will.
I titled my head to the right, fingers involuntarily squishing the silicon of the dildo.
"In the name of the Holy Father and Son, get rid of that thing!" He shrieked again, white robe flailing with his hands.
I blinked at him.
"Why do you know what this is?" I asked, pointing at the phallic figure in my hand. Mustering the most innocent possible look.
Mr. Priest stared at me with exasperation. "Would you like to explain the purpose of your presence, child?" He questioned, eyes narrowing in a challenge.
"So, once upon a time, my parents, they got horny under the moonlight and in—"
The lawyer choked on his pills, coughing with strange fervor. Regaining his temperament, Mr. Lawyer cut in what was going to be a very detailed story of my birth, "She's a seller, your Holiness, she forced her way inside and demanded that I give her a chance to earn a living. I'm but a victim of kindness."
I hate Lawyers; I nodded, grinning, for Mr. Priest looked like a mushroom in his white attire and increasingly red face.
"And you admitted this child—"
"I'm a legal adult, thank you very much," I cut in sharply, narrowing my eyes at Mr. Priest who continued to reffer me as a child nevertheless.
"—who was going around putting her head in illegal businesses? Why your parents must have sent you out to study! And look at what the world has come to!"
Mr. Priest heightened the stakes to unnecessary degrees. Was me selling sex toys tipping the Earth nearer to Doomsday a mile a minute?
"Your Holiness, I, by no means was entertaining this kid," Mr. Lawyer defended himself with utmost poise. I almost seethed in his face. "I was gathering enough evidence to hand her over to the police! Going behind her parents' back and Heaven knows committing what other crimes," Mr. Lawyer breathed out, "tsk, tsk, tsk" scrutinizing me with shame.
Mr. Priest looked convinced, nodding with judgement.
"Bold of you to assume that my parents send me out to stu—"
"And she talks back! What manners! You are a girl, my child, if you can do no better to the society then stay at home!" Mr. Priest exclaims.
Baffled, I picked up my backpack from the wooden chair place in front of the desk and shoved the dildo inside. "Well then, Mr. Priest, if you can do no better than judge an innocent soul," I snapped, picking up our company's pamphlet from Mr. lawyer's desk, "Then stay at the fucking church!"
And that's the story of my first arrest, which was definitely not my last.
> ------------ <3
"Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body."
I was in handcuffs, Mr. Mills Millers had personally came to fetch his very first criminal upon Mr. Lawyer's call.
I did not protest much.
For starters, my father-figure was right up stairs, oblivious to me getting arrested and I would love to keep it that way. Any attempt to resist or create a ruckus and escape would be soiled if family was involved.
And secondly, there was a strange underlying thrill in being arrested.
It should have been concerning. I should have been crying and pleading and begging for another chance, but I sat still inside the police car with a bubbling pit of anticipation in my stomach.
It was weirdly exciting.
Thirdly, I don't think anyone would have it in them to reject the very expectant face of Mr. Mills Miller. His green eyes were twinkling with such grateful sparkle, his thick lips were pulled in such wide grin, his face was lightened up with such high hopes— I did NOT have it in myself to resist it.
He took my hand with more kindness than any family member ever had. Enveloping my slender one between his paddy ones. I would have called him "father" in the moment he was checking, asking, if the handcuffs hurt or not.
What kindness.
He guided me inside his brand new police car, placing a hand on my head to avoid getting hurt from the doorframe, and after locking the door behind us he smiled ever so kindly that I gave up all non-existent thoughts of escaping. Mr. Mills had an aura of a descended angel.
Or maybe I put everyone on a pedestal who is even remotely kind to me.
Nevertheless, that pedestal had no space for Mr. Priest.
Mr. Priest had took it on himself to "purify my misguided soul" and kept repeating verses from the Bible in to my ear.
"You shall not commit adultery," He whispered with grace.
"I wasn't about to," I whispered back through gritted teeth.
Mr. Mills pressed the breaks and the car halted in front of the Sheriff's office. I frowned, turned the other side and lo! we were in front of the Police Station.
which was in front of the Sheriff's Office.
That's gotta bring about some competition.
Mr. Mills twirled out of his seat, humming some song, and all but danced to open our doors. I felt an evil stare in hindsight. Someone was giving us a stink eye from the peeking blinds of the Sheriff's Office.
"Welcome to Brickery County's very first Police Station!" Mr. Mills clapped joyously, leading Mr. Priest and I in front of the silver revolving doors, then called out for his brother.
"Blessed be your ground and blessed be your rightful work," Mr. Priest chanted.
I stared up at the standard white building lined by a red ribbon. Mr. Jacobs came running out with a pair of scissors in hand, looking like he just woke up from an eternal nap, for his running was not quite different from speed walking, and bent under the ribbon to reach us.
"Your Holiness," He greeted Mr. Priest and received blessings in return. "Ah ha! Our first criminal!" He all but cried out, pulling me into a hug and patting my back. "We're so great to have you!"
Forget family, I'm moving to live here forever.
I hugged back with equal enthusiasm, "It's so good to see you too!" I exclaim, patting his back. "Good job with the construction, looks marvellous!"
"Stayed up days and nights to make sure they don't fuck it up," Mr. Jacobs informed with leaking pride.
Mr. Priest coughed bitterly at use of swear words.
"What is she here for?" Mr. Jacobs asked, pulling away and handing me a pair of scissors.
"Unauthorized promotion and forceful selling of uhum- indecent toys without permit," Mr. Mills coughed out in reply. I rolled my eyes at them.
How hard is it to say "Dildo"?
Afternoon was setting in and other than a Police Station and the Sheriff's Office, the street was deserted.
"It was a dildo and that man was very interested," I snorted out, crossing my arms against my chest.
"Sweet baby Jesus, stop being so crude with your words!" Mr. Priest seethed out, producing a bottle of holy water from somewhere and sprinkling it over my face.
I winced and pretended to melt under it's touch.
"Nevertheless, first thing's first, welcome to our Police Station!" Mr. Jacobs sang, completely ignoring my skit. Ouch.
"We're the Police!" Mr. Mills continued after his beloved brother.
I internally 'tsked'.
The police duo, in colorful clothing, performed a whacky choreographed number which left Mr. Priest unimpressed and in grumbles.
"How about we get over with the inauguration—?" I questioned as the afternoon sun continued glaring at our shenanigans from up above.
"Well why yes, of course, Mills will have your refreshments ready! Get on with it!" Mr. Jacobs clapped excitedly.
I snipped the ribbon in a second. The red satin strip fell down to the ground like everyone's expectations.
They sucked in a harsh breath.
"What?" I whined out, even sweet old Mr. Mills glared at me.
"You should have let us count!"
"It's about building suspense!"
"You ruined the occasion, child!"
"It's all about timing!"
"Should I retie the ribbon, brother?"
"It's not that deep," I grumbled under my breath and pushed my way through for further interrogation.