"Raine, you didn't have to take us home. We could have taken a cab or something." I said to her. Me and Marge are currently sitting on the back of Raine's car.
"Don't worry about it Dee. Besides, I've sent Alex and Pat back in the office to check if there's anything that still pending to close the fraud case. As for your car that you left in the supermarket, I already called a service to pick it up and drop it off at your house tomorrow."
"Sorry for troubling you." I heard Marge whispered.
"It's nothing Marge. It's not really a bother. I'm the one who should be grateful. Thank you so much for agreeing to look after Dee. Even if we wanted to, none of us three, can take a leave now since we still have urgent matters in the office this week. But more than that, I'm just so happy that you two finally see each other again. I know and I feel that everything is not yet okay, but I'm hoping that you'll at least try… try to work it out and talk properly…"
"Thank you Raine." I said hoping and praying that it will really happen once we're home.
*******************************
"You found some good friends." Marge said as we've entered the house.
"Oh, you mean Raine, Alex and Pat? Well, I guess you can say that. Somehow, I keep running into them even if I didn't want to. I also had the chance to be friends with their respective partners too."
"That's good to know. I'm glad you were able to meet nice people." Marge smiled and said in earnest.
"Yeah, you're right… So… ahmmm… I know…before I… before I collapsed, I said that I wanted to talk… but now that I've calm down, and knowing that you are not going to vanish in an instant… I… I suddenly don't know how to start…" I admitted, suddenly feeling nervous.
"I don't know either." Marge whispered.
"Ahmmm... do you want to eat, we have the take-out food that Raine gave us." I asked, trying to lighten up the mood.
"Normally, I would have taken that offer or I could have been passed out since I just had an 18-hour shift, but I don't feel like eating." Marge answered.
"I see, same here…" agreeing with her.
Both of us were suddenly quiet, eventually finding ourselves sitting across from each other in living room.
"Dee…?"
"Yes?" I responded as soon I heard her voice.
"I... I'm not going to leave town or move somewhere. Now that I've calm down too, I realize that it's foolish for me to uproot myself again. I finally found a unit that I can afford, plus I have good neighbors, George and Lisa. My current jobs are also working for me, so yeah..."
"That's… that's good to hear Marge… I'm really happy to know that…" I replied, trying not to sound too excited from the good news I've heard.
"Yeah… but Dee, I'm not sure what you are expecting out of this. We can talk, just like what you've requested, but as I've said… We are completely two different people now, what happened 10 years ago is in the past, I've… I've moved on… And you… you should too, you know…" Marge said as she looked at me and smiled.
"You've moved on? I can respect that…But I don't think I'll believe that Marge, not when your doing that, smiling even though your eyes says otherwise." I said as I caught her off guard. "You're right, we're probably different from the people we knew 10 years ago but I know that smile, I remember that look… That's the same smile and look that you had when you thought I went to enjoy the carnival without you… when you thought I'll choose…"
"Don't… don't over analyze things Dee. You're remembering things that happened a long time ago." Marge said as she stands up.
"Where are you going?" I asked, feeling nervous, feeling that she's about to run off again.
"I… I just need to get some air…" she replied, starting to walk towards the door.
"Marge… can you please not run, can you please be honest with me, just this time…" I said, holding her hand, stopping her from getting away from me. "What happened back then? Why did you leave? Why did you not tell me?" I asked, getting the courage to ask the elephant in the room. "It's now or never…" I thought.
She was silent, just standing there not looking at me. But I was not letting her go. I held her hand as if my life depended on it.
"Why did you left me back then, without properly saying anything?" I asked again, urging her to tell me the truth.
"Because… because I can't, I don't know how to tell you… because… because I failed and let you down… and I don't know what else I could have done…" Marge said, finally looking at her. Tears filling her eyes.
"You should have told me… maybe then, we could have figured something out!" I strongly said not accepting her explanations.
"Figured something out? How Dee? We were kids back then, both of us relying to our parents… What do you think we should have done?
"Anything, we should have tried to stick together, we should have helped each other, we should have done something… even if we failed… we should have at least tried.!" I yelled at her, suddenly feeling anger towards her… towards what she did.
"Don't you think I did that? Did you think that I just gave up? We made our plans Dee, before graduation, we know what we'll be doing. You have a scholarship and you'll pursue Accountancy while I take a year off, and find a job to save up for next year class…I was committed with our plans, I was committed with you…
But my father had to ruin everything, a week before graduation, he broke the news that we'll be leaving the town and move somewhere. But even then, I did not give up, I tried reasoning with my mom, I begged for them to let me stay. I told them I can support myself because I was looking for a job. And within that week, I did, I found a part-time job, it's not enough but it's a start. I was so happy and proud, and I was very positive that they will allow me. But still, even with the job, I didn't stand a chance. I learned that we are leaving town because my father sold our house, that even though I have a job, I don't have anywhere else to stay.
So, tell me Dee, what else could I have done that time? I can't stay with you, and I don't have any relatives nearby. I already tried everything." Marge said finally telling her the truth.
"You should have told me properly?"
"And then what? I did give you the letter, I told you I was sorry for everything. Even if I personally told you that time, it will still be the same ending Dee… Maybe for a time we'll be able to exchange messages, but we won't be able to maintain it… we won't be able to see each other…I'll be busy with work and you'll be busy with school… we'll eventually resent each other… and that will slowly kill me…
But even after those thoughts, I still tried, I tried telling you…but whenever I looked at you, whenever I tried to open my mouth, I just can't... I just can't tell you… because the truth is, I don't want to leave you, I wanted to stay, I wanted to be with you… but it was impossible…" Marge continued, sobbing uncontrollably.
I didn't know that she felt that way. I didn't know that she kept all that inside. That she was hurting, she was hurting all alone, trying to shoulder everything.
"I…I guess …I was naïve…" I admitted to her, realizing that it hasn't been easy for her as well.
"But how about now, after 10 years, we finally met again Marge… Why did you pretend that you don't know me? Why are you pushing me away? There's no one… and there are no circumstances that's stopping us to be together now… Why do you keep… Why are you still insisting that… that you've moved on?... I asked her, closing our distance. I want to hug her so much… to comfort her… to wipe out her tears… but I held back… because I need the truth from her… I need to know what she really felt…
"Because… because that's how it was supposed to be Dee."
"Why? Why does it have to be that way Marge? I plead to her.
"The reason does not matter…" she replied trying to release her hand from me, but I held it tightly.
"Do you not like me anymore? Do you not care about me at all?... Was… was I really that easy to forget?... Is there someone else? Do you regret what happened back then? Did you…was it just a lie? Did you not love me? Was I just a convenience back then? Someone to bully… someone to make your assignments and projects, some one to stay by your side… was…" before I can continue, I felt Marge's hand slapped my face.
I was surprised at the impact but as I looked at her, I saw her eyes, looking at me with fury.
"Don't… don't you dare say that… Don't you dare stain the memory that we've shared. Whatever happened back then, whatever happened between us, from the moment I met you till the day I left, all of it was true, all the words I said, and all of my feelings were true...!" she screamed at me.
"Then why? Why do we need to change? If you love me then, why can't you love me now? Why can't we continue where we left off?" I screamed at her too, finally letting her know my real intention.
She retreated, forcefully releasing her arm. She stayed silent for a few seconds, I was ready to repeat my questions when…
"Because I don't deserve you… I no longer deserve your love… Because all I did back then was held you back, all I did was hurt you…all I did was leave you alone…" Marge said looking at me, with deep sadness in her eyes. "You'll be better off without me, Dee… you'll be better off with someone else who will not hurt you, who can protect you and take care of you…" she continued as if trying to say her final words before leaving again.
"But you are still hurting me now Marge… Not because of what you did back then… but because of what you are choosing to do right now… The moment I saw you outside the coffee shop, I did not feel any anger… I did not feel any resentment towards you… Back then, all I felt was relief… it was like a big rock was on top of me, crushing me for the past 10 years. And the moment I saw you, it was lifted and was gone in an instant and I was able to breathe again…I was able to live again!" I admitted to, feeling all of my pent-up emotions.
"Dee… I…"
I didn't not let her speak. I close the remaining distance between us and hug her tightly.
"Marge, I love you… I'm still in love with you… I'm still the same person that you met in high school! The same me that fell in love with you!... Nothing has ever changed. 10 years did not diminish the strong feelings I have for you. And the fact that you turn out to be the most beautiful, strong and independent woman I've ever seen, it only makes my heart race and aches for you more…" I whispered to her bearing my soul and my heart.
"Dee… I'm not sure… if… if…"
I released her, cupped her face and look intently to her eyes. "Marge, I'm not sure either. And I've told you that I will respect your decision, but if there's any chance, that you are still feeling the same way about me, I will never… ever let you leave or let you go…" I said, resting my forehead against her. "Stay with me Marge, 10 years is long enough for both of us to suffer… I've waited for this moment for so long… The feeling that I can hold your again, the chance to be this close to you and feel the warmth of your touch. We've wasted a lot of time… Please, don't leave me this time…please" I whispered begging her to come to her senses and just be honest with what she's feeling.
I suddenly felt her arms, circling on my shoulder. I smile forming in her face. Those smile that I've longed to see, those smile that I love the most.
"Damn, I did not expect you to be such romantic, Ferrer" Marge joked, finally letting her barriers fall.
"Your fault Tuazon, you are the only one who can make me say and feel these things…" I answered, smiling at her
"Kiss me?" she requested, pleading look in her eyes.
"I don't think that will be enough, you owe me 10 years remember?"
"Oh, just shut up…" that's the last thing I've heard as she kissed me, forcefully and passionately. Desperately seeking each other out to make up for the long time that we've lost.