Is it really possible to leave someone even though you love them?
Are there things greater than loving someone? How come these things become more important than the love you shared? Or was it all just a dream? Maybe, she really did not love you. Maybe it wasn't true. Maybe you were just fooled by her smile, her eyes, her whole being…
But those sweet and somehow bitter memories… are the ones, you want to always think about… the ones you always look back… and if by any chance, you can relieve each moment of that happy and sad memories... you will do it over… and over… and over again… till it's enough… till the time you felt that somehow because of those memories, you will be able to feel your life again… the life that was lost when she left… when she said those words that you wished you never heard… "I love you, goodbye."
(PRESENT TIME)
Alarm... 5:00am…. Dismissed…
Alarm... 5:15am…. Dismissed…
Alarm... 5:30am…. Dismissed…
1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10…. sigh…. I got up and made my bed.
Every day, I always set 3 alarms each with 15 minutes interval and always too, got up only on the third alarm. I don't know why, but it has always been that way since I can remember.
After that, I'll spend 15 minutes ironing my work clothes, 15 minutes for breakfast (usually just cereals & juice or bread & juice), 30 minutes bathroom time, 15 minutes getting ready. Then I'm set to go to the office. Where I work as an IT Compliance Manager.
I started as an IT staff auditor in a bank, after four years I finished my Master in Information Technology. If you think about it, it's not related with course that I got in college. I graduated with a degree in Accountancy and luckily became a CPA (as I promised), but somehow, I wondered off in a completely different field.
Now I'm currently part of the management team. I can say that I have a stable job, earning a salary that actually allowed me to buy a house with a garden … but still, it's an empty house…empty garden... empty life…
(FLASHBACK)
"Mom, I'm gonna head outside for a while. Just going to the BIG TREE!" I yelled before leaving the house.
I didn't know why I agreed on drinking 3 cups of coffee with her. She wanted to experiment whether how long she can stay awake at night and she made it sure that she is not alone in case it was found effective. It's already 9:30 in the evening and I'm still wide awake. I felt like my brain is fully alive. The Big Tree is few steps from our house. That is why my mom didn't even bother to answer when I told her I was going out. It's nice to just sit there and lean on its big trunk and look up… watch the clouds… the stars… the sky… the…
"The moon is beautiful tonight, isn't it?" she asked stopping my line of thought.
"Yeah it is." I answered. "Why are you here Marge?"
"I can't sleep… the coffee is effective" she smiled, grinning happily that her experiment was a success.
"I guess I can say the same".
"I figured that one out, I mean, why would you be here if it wasn't?"
I smirked, not happy that she is always right about things. She closely sits beside me and leans on the tree. She stretched out her legs and arms, starting to relax. She's maybe wide awake now but I know her body is tired. Once the effect of the coffee worn out, she'll be yawning in no time.
"I'll do your homework in algebra and biology. Just put your name on the paper tomorrow before I pass it." I said not looking at her.
"Thanks." she whispered and lean on my shoulder.
"How many clothes have you washed after going home from school?" I asked.
"I lost count. I just wanted to be done with it. I didn't mind that my arms were hurting." She explained, closing her eyes.
"I guess I need to buy a washing machine too" I joked.
"Yeah, you do." She chuckled. "But you're still be the one doing the laundry."
"Yeah… yeah… I know that." I answered smiling, happy that her mood seems to get better.
"We should always do this, you know, especially when you already bought the house." she said looking at me.
"Promise me that we will always sit outside or on the porch together, every full moon and just relax. OK? Promise me?" She requested.
"You're making me swear a lot of promises, do you know that?"
"I know. I do it because I know you. You'll do it. You'll do all those things for me." She answered back.
"Yeah, I would. I PROMISE." I sighed.
"Let's go. Walk me home first." She demanded, grabbing my hand and standing up.