Mina was hurt by what she heard from Royce. She was disappointed, but she loved Royce. It sounded like he wasn't ready to settle with her. She didn't want to think that it was because he didn't love him enough.
She didn't want to think that what Royce wanted was just to have her, to devirginize her. Mina didn't want to think more about it. She didn't want to believe what she was thinking. She couldn't accept that Royce only wanted her for that reason.
She pretended to glance at her watch, but time didn't really matter for her at that moment. She just wanted to stop that conversation. It would be better than for the topic to go astray and make them lose each other. She couldn't lose Royce yet. It would hurt her more.
"I think I better go now before my father would notice that I was gone." Mina stood up with a heavy heart. The truth was she still wanted Royce to ask her to stay. However, on the other hand, she was also scared that he would force her to do the things she wasn't ready for yet.
However, it seemed that Royce didn't want her to go. He pulled her back down, and she landed on his lap. The sudden feeling of goosebump went through her entire body. She could feel her face burning. She knew it wasn't because of shame this time or maybe partly, but it was more of the emotion that at the same time had also caused her heart to race inside her ribcage.
She failed to react as Royce's green eyes met hers. Even without words, his burning stare seemed to ignite to the depth of her core. She couldn't deny it, her love for Royce was still burning, and the longing they felt for each other was undeniable.
She knew what could happen after that, and she wasn't sure if she could still stop him, even with all the thoughts of stopping herself and Royce from keeping themself from going too far.
However, all she could do was stare at Royce as his lips slowly moved towards her. Her breath went deeper and deeper as her heart pumped harder under her ribcage. She could feel her body shiver a little.
They had been together for a year but never got a chance to be kissed like that. They had cute smacking, and most of them even barely hugged. That moment all the doubt she had for Royce seemed to be drowned by his passionate kiss.
Mina didn't know how it happened by she seemed to be losing her strength over his.
"Royce, I'm feeling so weak," she could barely speak as she breathed.
"I know, and don't worry, I will be your strength. I love to hear you being weak for me." Royce's voice was as breathy as her, and hearing him say that made Mina more lost with her emotions.
The minty scent of his breath that got through inside Mina's nostril made her more relaxed and submissive that all she could do at the moment was to respond with his kiss. On the contrary, it wasn't that bad at all. It felt so good that she thought she had been into heaven.
She almost completely forgot to control herself that the next thing she knew was that Royce's lips had already trailed down from her lips to her jaw. As much as it felt good, it made her lost control of herself more.
She opened her eyes, realizing that things could have gone far than that. What if she would fall entirely to Royce, and what if they would go far, more than they could handle, more than she could take. And, what if she would get pregnant because of that.
That sudden discernment gave her another rush of goosebumps and made her shiver her spine. It was about another kind of emotion this time. It was more than love, it was fear.
Fear for the possibilities of the worst scenarios. An image of her pulled out of the house by her father after knowing that she was pregnant and the image of her and her baby living on the street, because Royce said he wasn't ready to be a father.
Those thoughts crept over her spine, pulling her thin skin hair. She hastily pushed Royce away as an abrupt reaction to her thoughts.
Royce's brows furrowed again, and for a moment, those confused faces changed to disappointment. He sighed deeply and shook his head. "You still didn't trust me. I thought you already were."
"No, Royce, it's just that. You also know that everything is new to me aside from being scared. This, being this close to you. Kissing you, you know, even at this age, you are the only boyfriend I had, and we had never gone that far until now." She attempted to explain again, but Mina knew that she had explained enough. Nevertheless, sometimes she thought, she was also doubtful if did she had a good reason.
"Every relationship is expected t grow, from one phase to another. Mina, we are already twenty. You even believed that we were both fit to get married. We grew up, so let's let our relationship move to, we grew so slow that it kinda gets boring."
"Boring? You think our relationship is boring?" Mina clasped her blouse near her chest as a sudden pang of emotion hit her.
"Mina, I didn't mean that." Royce's expression changed to worries. "What I mean is, I wasn't really planning to force in doing it if you aren't ready. I will wait for you, Mina. I will wait until you will be ready enough to have me, to give yourself to me. I am just here waiting for that very special moment. I will be waiting when will you be ready to trust me."
Mina felt sudden guilt for what Royce said. 'Was not being ready to give Royce what he wanted would also mean, that she didn't trust him?' She asked herself.