CHOICE IS A MANAGEMENT TO CHANGE EVERYTHING
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I woke up quickly when I already felt my body coming back.
My breath is irregular, it's very tight.
"Hey, kid, let's regulate your breathing!"
I turned to my right as mom helped calm me down.
I'm still in the same condition, I'm still controlling my breathing now.
I looked around and realized that I was in the hospital now. The infusion is still in my left hand.
"Come on, let's regulate your breath first. You've been delirious, kid!"
I tried to remember what just happened. Until I can be in the hospital now.
But it feels like it's all useless because I don't even remember it at all. Why did I get to be in the hospital?
"What happened Mum?, How can I be here?"
I asked my mother quietly.
"Hmm, surely you don't remember, Honey!"
While sitting next to me.
I just nodded my head to give a code, that I don't remember and I want to know it.
"So, four days ago. I and your father were very panicked because you didn't come back home late at night. And you didn't give us know it about where you going, you just go like that, without knowing. where do you want to go?"
While taking a deep breath.
"So many people know, that you are missing. Most people think that you were kidnapped, Honey. But luckily, Adi suddenly came to our house at half-past midnight, carrying you!"
While gently stroking my hair.
***
I deliberately didn't tell the story after my mother told me how Adi brought me home.
Because I don't remember after that.
But now I'm home, and fully recovered.
Now I'm holding a brown envelope which is still sealed.
My Mum received it this morning while cooking for breakfast.
The envelope was addressed to me. And deliberately my Mum did not wake me when Mr. Parman delivered the envelope.
That's what Mr. Parman asked for. So that I can rest.
I sat in the living room and grabbed the envelope and began to slowly open it.
I took the contents and a sheet that read.
"BATU CITY - FREE SCHOOL REGISTRATION FORM"
I kept my head down and still held onto the envelope whose contents turned out to be an application form for high school.
And it's free
Is this all real?
And there is...
Free school...
I closed the envelope again and put it on the table.
There is no way today there is a free high school.
It doesn't make sense.
Then a scam and my family is out of money again. I'd rather just work at home.
I went to go to the room.
"H, wait!"
I stopped after he called me.
Who else if not Awan.
"Yes, what is up!"
I turned and gave him a lazy face.
He just looked at me and then at the envelope lying on the table.
I took a deep breath.
"Come on, what's wrong!?"
I approached and sat down where I had been sitting before.
"Don't give a vague facial expression like that!"
Annoyed, I leaned back in the chair.
"You don't want to take this?"
While looking stabbed at the envelope.
"At least I can accompany you there!"
I fell silent after he said that.
It was as if he was telling me that.
Come on while I can still be with you!
This is what pissed me off. I paused for a moment thinking about Something I had to decide now or never.
OK, I've decided.
I took the envelope and started filling in all the requirements.
I glanced at Awan. Which he seemed happy with my choice.
I made my own choices, without Mom and Dad knowing.
And I'm ready to take the risk.
***
All done. I have sent the form to Mr. Parman's house. And just waiting for the results.
Mr. Parman advised that the announcement of acceptance is Thursday. So three more days.
And now I just arrived in front of my house after delivering my form.
Not like usual, this is still afternoon but the door of my house was closed.
Awab and I walked slowly towards the terrace and slowly opened the door.
I opened the door and I was surprised when my father was standing right in front of me with an uncomfortable face at me.
"What are you doing??? and about without thinking!!!, you just got better after sick and spent a lot of money!!!, and without Dad's permission, you signed up yourself!!!"
I was surprised when my father said that to me. I saw a different father than usual. My heart aches from the words my father just said.
Without thinking I ran to my room and quickly locked the door.
"Hey, where are you going!!"
I didn't care when dad called me.
My heart is pounding and confused, I sat with my eyes closed. What's the harm in trying, I didn't tell them. I also want to be independent.
"That's not the way, Dad, did that to you because I love you. Don't think weird things."
Awan slowly drew closer to me after saying that.
"Remember what happened to you. Have a good talk"
I looked at him and looked down again. There is also truth in what is said by Awan.
But I don't want to leave this room just yet. I need to calm down first.
"Sorry dad"
I can only whisper in my heart, to say it.
I understand that my decision looks wrong in their eyes. But I want to prove that I can and want to study there.
Because honestly, I want to be independent.
I closed my eyes slowly and said a prayer consciously.
"Oh Lord, give this servant of Yours, Oh Lord. I hope I can be accepted in that school, Oh Lord so that I can prove that I can live with my choices. I know God that when I make that decision there must be a big risk which I am ready to pay. And I am ready to pay whatever it may be. I know that's God does not sleep, God does not close his eyes, God is most merciful, make it smooth, Oh God, make it smooth."
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God Doesn't Close His Eyes
God Doesn't Cover His Ears
God, can make everything happen
- EVERYTHING-