Beneath the cold atmosphere of this dark stage, where everyone is looking at us, me and my best friend are facing one another. My god, my best friend, who was been part of my life and witnessed all the shits I've been through. Because of the fucked up decisions I've made for the past few weeks, I created this, I destroyed our friendship, and here we are, both facing one another with an aching heart. I can see from his eyes that he's sad, that he wants to see me but I kept pushing him away because... I don't deserve him.
He deserves someone who can love him even at his worst, and that's something I didn't do to him because I'm a fucking coward.
"So you're just gonna stand there and pretend like I don't exist in front of you? You're just gonna leave me again? After everything we've been through, all the comforts I've given you and you're just gonna to throw it all away?
Goddamn it Tyler, you don't know the reason why I'm pushing you away. Do you think I like seeing you this way? Do you think I take pleasure in seeing our friendship crumbled to pieces like a fucking concrete being smashed by a hammer? This is what I hate the most, to see myself crying.
I can't stop the tears falling to my eyes because I am hurting. You're stupid on making decisions Noah, always leading to consequences I never even asked.
"Noah please, look at me, I wanna know what we are to each other, what am I to you, please... Answer me" I can feel his desperation beneath those sad words but fuck, nothing is coming out of my mouth. I looked into his eyes, those beautiful brown eyes, every time I look at it, I see happiness and warmth, and now, it's all pain and sadness. I wanted to say I love you, that I want you, that I wanted you to be my boyfriend.
But the words in my mouth doesn't match the way my heart wants to speak out.
"You're just a friend Tyler, nothing more, nothing less." Fuck you, Noah, why do you keep lying to yourself?
I saw in his eyes that he's disappointed, that the answer that he is looking for is not there. I wish I could take back what I said.
what I said but fuck... Why? Why did I say that?
What's wrong with me? One thing that I hate in my life is that I always choose a decision that would put me in a bad place, because I'm a coward, that I don't want to hurt myself, I end up hurting others, the irony... Fuck.
I can't stand this anymore. Anytime I feel like my knees would give up and just fall to the ground so, I turned my back on him and with every steps I make, the memories I had with Tyler, is fading away. Damn, maybe after this, he will not look my way, he will just pass me in the hallway like I didn't even exist, he will not talk to me, he will not wait for me on the door and walk through the class together, damn it.
'YOU'RE GAY THAT'S WHY WE HATE YOU'
What did I do wrong to the world that is constantly punishing me?
'I'm sorry Noah but I'm not into guys, sorry...'
Is it because I'm gay?
'YOU ARE NOT MY SON!!! I WILL NEVER HAVE A SON THAT IS GAY!!! GET OUT!!'
Fuck you world.
"Wait!!!" The voice that made me stop walking shook me to the ground. The voice of Tyler, I looked at him and saw his face, his eyes, still beautiful beneath those tears. I don't want to fall in love with you, we're not meant to be, because in this cruel world, a gay person like me, doesn't deserve to be happy, only the straight ones deserve the happiness, selfish but it's the reality.
"Tyler I-"
"I FUCKING LOVE YOU!!" That scream, that voice of desperation mixed with sadness and pain echoes in the dark place where strangers are looking at us.
Why did you scream you idiot!! Aren't you scared of the consequence this can have in our lives? I really hate you, Tyler Collins, you're always being a pain in my ass but deep inside my heart, I wanted to say I love you back, the way you screamed it, I wanted to do it but because I'm a fucking coward, I don't have the guts to do it. The only thing I can offer you my love is the friendship that we have. I want to scream your name to the world but the world wishes me to be silent.
I really wanted you to know that I love you, that we deserve a Happy Ending. A Happy Ever After...