It all started when our (former porn) star, Dixle Normous, woke up in a haunted thicket. It was the ninth time it had happened. Feeling alarmingly exasperated, Dixle Normous hit a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Like a drunken sailor at happy hour, he realized that his beloved Holy Grail was missing! Immediately he called his bed-friend, Mike Koch. Dixle Normous had known Mike Koch for (plus or minus) 550,000 years, the majority of which were striking ones. Mike Koch was unique. He was plucky though sometimes a little... funny-smelling. Dixle Normous called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Mike Koch picked up to a very happy Dixle Normous. Mike Koch calmly assured him that most long-haired sea monkeys yawn before mating, yet albino cats usually scandalously grimace *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Dixle Normous. Why was Mike Koch trying to distract Dixle Normous? Because he had snuck out from Dixle Normous's with the Holy Grail only four days prior. It was a enticing little Holy Grail... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before Dixle Normous got back to the subject at hand: his Holy Grail. Mike Koch yawned. Relunctantly, Mike Koch invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Holy Grail. Dixle Normous grabbed his refrigerator and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Mike Koch realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Holy Grail and he had to do it aggressively. He figured that if Dixle Normous took the tricked out go kart, he had take at least three minutes before Dixle Normous would get there. But if he took the Lesta? Then Mike Koch would be ridiculously screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Mike Koch was interrupted by seven funny-smelling Dragons that were lured by his Holy Grail. Mike Koch yawned; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling angered, he randomly reached for his banana and recklessly groped every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the magical cornfield, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Lesta rolling up. It was Dixle Normous.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Wal-Mart to pick up a 12-pack of ripened avocados, so he knew he was running late. With a calculated leap, Dixle Normous was out of the Lesta and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Mike Koch's front door. Meanwhile inside, Mike Koch was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Holy Grail into a box of dangerous oil-soaked rags and then slid the box behind his whale. Mike Koch was puzzled but at least the Holy Grail was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Mike Koch sassily purred. With a apt push, Dixle Normous opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some abrasive beer-sloshed tool in a time machine,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Mike Koch assured him. Dixle Normous took a seat alarmingly close to where Mike Koch had hidden the Holy Grail. Mike Koch yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Dixle Normous was distracted. A few freaknasty minutes later, Mike Koch noticed a pestering look on Dixle Normous's face. Dixle Normous slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Mike Koch felt a stabbing pain in his shin when Dixle Normous asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Holy Grail right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A annoying look started to form on Dixle Normous's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's bananas from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Dixle Normous nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Mike Koch could react, Dixle Normous recklessly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Holy Grail was plainly in view.
Dixle Normous stared at Mike Koch for what what must've been four nanoseconds. Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, Mike Koch groped surreptitiously in Dixle Normous's direction, clearly desperate. Dixle Normous grabbed the Holy Grail and bolted for the door. It was locked. Mike Koch let out a flamboyant chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Dixle Normous,' he rebuked. Mike Koch always had been a little pestering, so Dixle Normous knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Mike Koch did something crazy, like... start chucking live hand grenades at him or something. Heart filled with earnest fortitude, he gripped his Holy Grail tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Mike Koch looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Dixle Normous. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame eleven days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Dixle Normous. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Mike Koch walked over to the window and looked down. Dixle Normous was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Dixle Normous was struggling to make his way through the haunted thicket behind Mike Koch's place. Dixle Normous had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Dragons suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Holy Grail. One by one they latched on to Dixle Normous. Already weakened from his injury, Dixle Normous yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Dragons running off with his Holy Grail.
But then God came down with His clever smile and restored Dixle Normous's Holy Grail. Feeling relieved, God smote the Dragons for their injustice. Then He got in His pimp fresh, candy-painted 'Lac and sped away with the fortitude of 20 South American hissing sloths running from a bloated pack of albino cats. Dixle Normous skipped with joy when he saw this. His Holy Grail was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in five minutes his favorite TV show, Contest of Seats, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When long-haired sea monkeys meet rusty razor blade'). Dixle Normous was pleased. And so, everyone except Mike Koch and a few ebola-toting man-eating capybaras lived blissfully happy, forever after.