It all started when our antagonizing protagonist, Dixle Normous, woke up in a imaginery desert. It was the first time it had happened. Feeling alarmingly displeased, Dixle Normous punched a dull pencil, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, he realized that his beloved Holy Grail was missing! Immediately he called his parole officer, Mike Koch. Dixle Normous had known Mike Koch for (plus or minus) 550,000 years, the majority of which were exotic ones. Mike Koch was unique. He was outgoing though sometimes a little... selfish. Dixle Normous called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Mike Koch picked up to a very calm Dixle Normous. Mike Koch calmly assured him that most disease-carrying chipmunks sigh before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually scandalously turn red *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Dixle Normous. Why was Mike Koch trying to distract Dixle Normous? Because he had snuck out from Dixle Normous's with the Holy Grail only eleven days prior. It was a enticing little Holy Grail... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before Dixle Normous got back to the subject at hand: his Holy Grail. Mike Koch yawned. Relunctantly, Mike Koch invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Holy Grail. Dixle Normous grabbed his canoe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Mike Koch realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Holy Grail and he had to do it fearlessly. He figured that if Dixle Normous took the pimp fresh, candy-painted 'Lac, he had take at least four minutes before Dixle Normous would get there. But if he took the Lesta? Then Mike Koch would be excessively screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Mike Koch was interrupted by six insensitive Dragons that were lured by his Holy Grail. Mike Koch turned red; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling relieved, he aptly reached for his ninja star and aimlessly backhanded every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the lemur-infested moor, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Lesta rolling up. It was Dixle Normous.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of dangerous oil-soaked rags, so he knew he was running late. With a skillful leap, Dixle Normous was out of the Lesta and went earnestly jaunting toward Mike Koch's front door. Meanwhile inside, Mike Koch was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Holy Grail into a box of bananas and then slid the box behind his hippopotamus. Mike Koch was exasperated but at least the Holy Grail was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Mike Koch earnestly purred. With a quick push, Dixle Normous opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some selfish coke fiend in a tricked out go kart,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Mike Koch assured him. Dixle Normous took a seat frighteningly close to where Mike Koch had hidden the Holy Grail. Mike Koch panicked trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Dixle Normous was distracted. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, Mike Koch noticed a clueless look on Dixle Normous's face. Dixle Normous slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Mike Koch felt a stabbing pain in his double chin when Dixle Normous asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Holy Grail right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A clueless look started to form on Dixle Normous's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's live hand grenades from when she used to have pet 3-legged wallabies. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Dixle Normous nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Mike Koch could react, Dixle Normous carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The Holy Grail was plainly in view.
Dixle Normous stared at Mike Koch for what what must've been six millseconds. Heart filled with earnest fortitude, Mike Koch groped exotically in Dixle Normous's direction, clearly desperate. Dixle Normous grabbed the Holy Grail and bolted for the door. It was locked. Mike Koch let out a eccentric chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Dixle Normous,' he rebuked. Mike Koch always had been a little abrasive, so Dixle Normous knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Mike Koch did something crazy, like... start chucking wolverines at him or something. Heart filled with earnest fortitude, he gripped his Holy Grail tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Mike Koch looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Dixle Normous. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame seven days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Dixle Normous. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Mike Koch walked over to the window and looked down. Dixle Normous was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Dixle Normous was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Mike Koch's place. Dixle Normous had severely hurt his prostate during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Dragons suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Holy Grail. One by one they latched on to Dixle Normous. Already weakened from his injury, Dixle Normous yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Dragons running off with his Holy Grail.
But then God came down with His congenial smile and restored Dixle Normous's Holy Grail. Feeling relieved, God smote the Dragons for their injustice. Then He got in His amphibious vehicle and jetted away with the fortitude of 550,000 man-eating capybaras running from a little pack of legless puppies. Dixle Normous stumbled with joy when he saw this. His Holy Grail was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in nine minutes his favorite TV show, Contest of Seats, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When albino cats meet gun'). Dixle Normous was thrilled. And so, everyone except Mike Koch and a few malaria-toting man-eating capybaras lived blissfully happy, forever after.