It all started when our adventure-loving...adventurer, Dixle Normous, woke up in a swamp. It was the sixth time it had happened. Feeling really stunned, Dixle Normous groped a banana, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Ever so extemperaneously, he realized that his beloved Holy Grail was missing! Immediately he called his lover, Mike Koch. Dixle Normous had known Mike Koch for (plus or minus) 20 years, the majority of which were flamboyant ones. Mike Koch was unique. He was ingenious though sometimes a little... selfish. Dixle Normous called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Mike Koch picked up to a very calm Dixle Normous. Mike Koch calmly assured him that most Indonesian devil cats panic before mating, yet Indonesian devil cats usually flamboyantly sigh *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Dixle Normous. Why was Mike Koch trying to distract Dixle Normous? Because he had snuck out from Dixle Normous's with the Holy Grail only six days prior. It was a curious little Holy Grail... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before Dixle Normous got back to the subject at hand: his Holy Grail. Mike Koch yawned. Relunctantly, Mike Koch invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Holy Grail. Dixle Normous grabbed his time machine and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Mike Koch realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Holy Grail and he had to do it aggressively. He figured that if Dixle Normous took the homemade car, he had take at least ten minutes before Dixle Normous would get there. But if he took the Lesta? Then Mike Koch would be scarcely screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Mike Koch was interrupted by six selfish Dragons that were lured by his Holy Grail. Mike Koch belched; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling frustrated, he thoughtfully reached for his banana and aimlessly poked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the lemur-infested moor, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Lesta rolling up. It was Dixle Normous.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Texaco to pick up a 12-pack of carrots, so he knew he was running late. With a inept leap, Dixle Normous was out of the Lesta and went wildly jaunting toward Mike Koch's front door. Meanwhile inside, Mike Koch was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Holy Grail into a box of potatos and then slid the box behind his whale. Mike Koch was exasperated but at least the Holy Grail was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Mike Koch wildly purred. With a hasty push, Dixle Normous opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some insensitive coke fiend in a spaceship,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Mike Koch assured him. Dixle Normous took a seat mysteriously distant from where Mike Koch had hidden the Holy Grail. Mike Koch belched trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Dixle Normous was distracted. Before anyone could take off their pants, Mike Koch noticed a dimwitted look on Dixle Normous's face. Dixle Normous slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Mike Koch felt a stabbing pain in his love handle when Dixle Normous asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Holy Grail right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A annoying look started to form on Dixle Normous's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's wolverines from when she used to have pet venomous koalas. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Dixle Normous nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Mike Koch could react, Dixle Normous fearlessly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Holy Grail was plainly in view.
Dixle Normous stared at Mike Koch for what what must've been six microseconds. Heart filled with earnest fortitude, Mike Koch groped earnestly in Dixle Normous's direction, clearly desperate. Dixle Normous grabbed the Holy Grail and bolted for the door. It was locked. Mike Koch let out a enticing chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Dixle Normous,' he rebuked. Mike Koch always had been a little clueless, so Dixle Normous knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Mike Koch did something crazy, like... start chucking carrots at him or something. Before anyone could take off their pants, he gripped his Holy Grail tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Mike Koch looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Dixle Normous. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame eight days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Dixle Normous. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Mike Koch walked over to the window and looked down. Dixle Normous was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Dixle Normous was struggling to make his way through the bush behind Mike Koch's place. Dixle Normous had severely hurt his kidney during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Dragons suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Holy Grail. One by one they latched on to Dixle Normous. Already weakened from his injury, Dixle Normous yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Dragons running off with his Holy Grail.
But then God came down with His outgoing smile and restored Dixle Normous's Holy Grail. Feeling puzzled, God smote the Dragons for their injustice. Then He got in His spaceship and sputtered away with the fortitude of 11,000 legless puppies running from a enormous pack of long-haired sea monkeys. Dixle Normous danced with joy when he saw this. His Holy Grail was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in four minutes his favorite TV show, Contest of Seats, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When spotted wolf hamsters meet malaria'). Dixle Normous was ecstatic. And so, everyone except Mike Koch and a few rusty razor blade-toting disease-carrying chipmunks lived blissfully happy, forever after.