It all started when our hyphen-happy protagonist, Dixle Normous, woke up in a bush. It was the first time it had happened. Feeling abnormally angered, Dixle Normous backhanded a potato, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few freaknasty minutes later, he realized that his beloved Holy Grail was missing! Immediately he called his favorite Mormon, Mike Koch. Dixle Normous had known Mike Koch for (plus or minus) 550,000 years, the majority of which were flamboyant ones. Mike Koch was unique. He was plucky though sometimes a little... annoying. Dixle Normous called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Mike Koch picked up to a very happy Dixle Normous. Mike Koch calmly assured him that most long-haired sea monkeys cringe before mating, yet venomous koalas usually explosively cringe *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Dixle Normous. Why was Mike Koch trying to distract Dixle Normous? Because he had snuck out from Dixle Normous's with the Holy Grail only six days prior. It was a curious little Holy Grail... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before Dixle Normous got back to the subject at hand: his Holy Grail. Mike Koch sneezed. Relunctantly, Mike Koch invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Holy Grail. Dixle Normous grabbed his hammock and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Mike Koch realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Holy Grail and he had to do it randomly. He figured that if Dixle Normous took the amphibious vehicle, he had take at least nine minutes before Dixle Normous would get there. But if he took the Lesta? Then Mike Koch would be excessively screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Mike Koch was interrupted by seven oafish Dragons that were lured by his Holy Grail. Mike Koch turned red; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling stunned, he aggressively reached for his gerbil and aimlessly attacked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the foxy forest, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Lesta rolling up. It was Dixle Normous.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Texaco to pick up a 12-pack of bananas, so he knew he was running late. With a inept leap, Dixle Normous was out of the Lesta and went indiscriminately jaunting toward Mike Koch's front door. Meanwhile inside, Mike Koch was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Holy Grail into a box of carrots and then slid the box behind his elephant. Mike Koch was exasperated but at least the Holy Grail was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Mike Koch flamboyantly purred. With a hasty push, Dixle Normous opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some pestering zealous...zealot in a spaceship,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Mike Koch assured him. Dixle Normous took a seat exotically proximate to where Mike Koch had hidden the Holy Grail. Mike Koch cringed trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Dixle Normous was distracted. With fist clenched and teeth gnashed, Mike Koch noticed a selfish look on Dixle Normous's face. Dixle Normous slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Mike Koch felt a stabbing pain in his shin when Dixle Normous asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Holy Grail right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A funny-smelling look started to form on Dixle Normous's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's carrots from when she used to have pet venomous koalas. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Dixle Normous nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Mike Koch could react, Dixle Normous randomly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Holy Grail was plainly in view.
Dixle Normous stared at Mike Koch for what what must've been two seconds. In a blinding moment of misguided bravado, Mike Koch groped earnestly in Dixle Normous's direction, clearly desperate. Dixle Normous grabbed the Holy Grail and bolted for the door. It was locked. Mike Koch let out a saucy chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Dixle Normous,' he rebuked. Mike Koch always had been a little insensitive, so Dixle Normous knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Mike Koch did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at him or something. In a blinding moment of misguided bravado, he gripped his Holy Grail tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Mike Koch looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Dixle Normous. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame eight days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Dixle Normous. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Mike Koch walked over to the window and looked down. Dixle Normous was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Dixle Normous was struggling to make his way through the swamp behind Mike Koch's place. Dixle Normous had severely hurt his ear during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Dragons suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Holy Grail. One by one they latched on to Dixle Normous. Already weakened from his injury, Dixle Normous yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Dragons running off with his Holy Grail.
But then God came down with His attractive smile and restored Dixle Normous's Holy Grail. Feeling stunned, God smote the Dragons for their injustice. Then He got in His curb-jumping ghetto sled (Impala) and jettisoned away with the fortitude of 550,000 spotted wolf hamsters running from a bloated pack of 3-legged wallabies. Dixle Normous shimmied with joy when he saw this. His Holy Grail was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in three minutes his favorite TV show, Contest of Seats, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When long-haired sea monkeys meet rusty razor blade'). Dixle Normous was contented. And so, everyone except Mike Koch and a few bloody glove-toting venomous koalas lived blissfully happy, forever after.