I am not like this. I mean it. Wynter Aboli, I've been the go-getter ever since I was young. My introvertism didn't stop me from winning the arguments and winning everything. I've always had the worst shit. Getting bullied by my best friends back in middle school, Being unwanted in my family, Self-harm, and much more. My life never ends, so I stopped talking about it. I stopped talking about how I feel, what I feel.
I escaped it for some years, Or I thought I had. I got busier, better, and better. My achievements never stopped, they meant nothing to me but another thing to use to be busy. I loved the 'busy'. No matter how hard it was, I was my shit together.
But, now. I found myself going through the miserable stage of adolescence again. I lost my shit, completely. None can save me at this point. I hate hope, I hate beliefs, I hate me, I hate everything.
I would force myself to love you, but I know I'll still fail. How do you love someone while loving someone else? I'm in the process of breaking up, with the person who has gone years ago.
Believe me, cheating mentally actually does exist. 'I love you' is too overrated. I don't know anything, I don't even know myself. Don't show me your agony, for I have mine. How shall I solve you, when I can't find mine? Don't sing in front of me, For I won't hum, Don't cry in front of me, For I won't empathize, You see, I'm all pieces, But I love you with pieces. Pain melts away and it becomes an art, but it still hurts. But You don't care, for even I don't care.
It's not a crime to love someone. But, it's a crime to love someone you shouldn't. As each day goes by, I become more emotionless. What's worse is I don't seem to care about who I am becoming. People die each day, I am dying slowly too. As each day moves, I'm closer to my death. And I don't complain, my thoughts are too much to take, and If I start writing, I'll never stop.
The girl who never cries shall never cry. for if she does, It's not torn, but blood.
I went inside my apartment, it's not too aesthetic, but is cozy. I like my place, it got a soft board filled with pictures and places, sticky notes, and some more stuff. As I open the door, My cat, Casper jumps on me.
"Oh! Slow down there!" I yelled as I caught her. I sometimes think rather than Casper, she should be named, "fluffy puff". That was lame, nvm.
I plonked down on the sofa, as I passed Casper her food tray, I got myself a huge packet of Doritos. I feel it, the adrenaline rush in my veins, the need to punch the heck out of someone, but I control it. I smirk, imagining what it would be like to kill someone and shoot them to death.
I don't think I am a psychopath, I am just a human, done with humans. I sometimes do think of checking out a therapist, but what's the point of sharing what hurts you, to a person who in the end would encourage you to just get your shi* right?
I got a text message, It's Alfred.
Alfred: "Hey guys! This is Alfred. We have to make a short animation video, it could be on anything. Do you have any ideas?"
Carlos: "I have some, How about we meet up soon?"
Alred: "Sure! Wynter, Jenna what do you guys say?"
Jenna: "I have my aunt's cafe! 'The N's' is in the 23rd street."
Alfred: "Eyy I know that place! Let's meet up there."
Jenna: "mhm"
Carlos: "Sure, Wynter?"
Wynter: "Sure."
I don't like their enthusiasm, but again as a college student, I have to do what I am supposed to do. I look at Casper, She is the most adorable creature I have ever seen. The only one to make me feel at home. I hug her.
"Casper, should I add you to my animation project?"
"Purr"
"Haha, maybe I should."
It starts raining. It's October, so I think it would be just a light shower. It is relaxing. The warmth of my coach, the rain, Casper, everything. Right now it's calm, I wish time would stop. I close my eyes, knowing that tonight I'll sleep here, like this. And soon, I found myself in my dream. A sweet dream.