Amelia drops the cigarette, letting the embers float up into the air until they disappear. She doesn't bother stepping on it, just staring off into the moon lit sky.
"I miss you both." She breathes out, her hands gripping together. "If I could say so many things to you both– I wouldn't hesitate.." The feeling of tightness begins in her chest, her throat pulling inwards.
She pauses, hands grasped tighter. "It's all my fault." Amelia chokes back a sob, "It's always been my fault. If you had never met me, you would still be alive. Both of you would be living the lives you always wanted."
The tears fill in her eyelids, and she lets them trail down her cheeks. Sniffling, wiping them away as her gaze never leaves the shining stars in the sky. Maybe the stars were those two, shining in their own way. Looking down at her, listening to her speak about her woes. Amelia loved them, they were her best friends. Like the sisters she never had, there from the very beginning of her life.
Nothing, there was nothing to do anymore. No one to speak to after word, no drinking with girl friends. No happy exchanges, talks about jobs and relationships. Instead, every anniversary, she visited them silently.
Leaving roses on their gravestones, avoiding any of their families in fear of retaliation. Amelia knew they blamed her too, she blamed herself ten times more.
No matter how many stars she cried to, screamed to: it wouldn't bring them back. Tess and Claire had been gone for almost a decade, there was no coming back. Second chances were not given in the real world, she'd never see either of them again.
Pulling her box of cigarettes out of her pants pocket, she flicks the package open. Popping one of the sticks into her mouth, cupping her hand over the end of it to light it. Once it's lit, she lets out a few puffs before it goes in between her fingers again.
A long inhale, a deep exhale of smoke litters the sky.
Maybe death was what she wanted, it was what she deserved. All she could do to kill herself off was to smoke cancerous sticks and drink large amounts of alcohol. It was slow, it didn't make her feel any better about the slowly closing in of her final days.
Amelia just wanted to go back to the very beginning, and change that simple day. Where she walked down the dusty and damp alleyway. Meeting Jake Parker, who killed the only two friends she ever had. Letting the man into her heart, let to their own being ripped from their chests.
It was a mistake to have ever loved in the first place. She had known that for far too long now, it was engraved into her mind. Just as much as the blood curse that flooded behind her.
Here she was now, in Leo's home plotting to do the same thing. Have another person's blood on her hands. Only this time she was pulling the trigger, when he was entirely innocent of any crimes. A changed man was going to go down for someone else's personal vendetta.
Death would be a blessing rather than living through this tortuous existence. Yet Amelia would never be able to finish her own life herself.
She could hold the gun to her head, but never pull the trigger. Aiming at another was the easier of the two, Amelia knew she was a coward for that simple thought. A coward who wished for death, but would never take the initiative herself.
Having the blame fall onto someone else's hands. Go out the confident, herotic agent that Los Angeles loved and adored. It was better than everyone knowing the true form of their admiration.
So for now, a smoke or two would be there to ease the nerves. Watching as the stars twinkled in and out of the sky. Staring up into the dark sky's never ending crevices. Wishing that for just a moment she was as simple as a star, floating through space endlessly.
Another dream that would never come true. Nothing did when she wished, and prayed. God was one sick fuck for everything he had put her through. Having his eyes peer down on her at this very moment, watching as she smoked a cigarette faster than she ever had.
Her faith dwindled with each passing day, with every new surprise he decided to spring up on her. The prayers and devotion had turned into scorn. What divine would let so much death surround her, have so much sorrow? If it was for a lesson, she had gotten it many years ago. Amelia, had enough already: It was long past that she learned the lesson.
"I should have died that day," Amelia chuckles to herself, tilting her head back. "I should have died a long time ago, living on without you both has never been easy."
She grits her teeth against each other, tapping the cigarette as ashes fall from its end. "God letting me live was probably the sickest joke of all. I was the last of the three of us that deserved to live." Another drag of her cigarette, "You both deserved to live, I'd do anything to trade places."
Faulty words she knew would never happen, if she could she would do it in a heartbeat. Have the two people she loved the most get a second dance in life, to be able to thrive and flourish. Become mothers, have children together, grow old and gray in each other's arms. They would have made much more of their lives then she had, it would have meaning.
Amelia's life was nothing but a purpose for justice. If she had not chosen this career, her life would be meaningless. Walking around aimlessly for some sort of path in life, only to find nothing. Death became a calling, all the while it was sickening.
Smoking killed, but not fast enough to her liking.
8:00 A.M (GMT8)
Rest was fleeting throughout the night. Tossing and turning under covers that were unfamiliar, a mattress that sunk under her more than her liking. She couldn't be picky, but she wished throughout the night her body would let her rest. Only for hour interlooms at a time would her eyes flutter to sleep, prying open on the hour every hour.
The sun pierces her eyes at the crack of dawn, fists rubbing against her eyelids. Stretching her arms, scratching her scalp. Amelia didn't want to get up, there wasn't a case for her to deal with so early in the morning. If she could she would lie in bed all day, a day of peace in an already bustling world.
Her mind comes to focus, remembering where exactly she is. Sitting herself up, twisting her body to feel pops in her back. The cracking has her sighing in relief, the pressure of it leaving her stiff body. Amelia shuffles out of bed, standing up to stretch one more time.
Feet shuffle out of her guest room, shutting the door lightly behind her. Her hair was a mess, but nothing that would have her hiding from eyes. There were evident bags under her eyes, and slight paling of her skin. Her face always looked dead at the first parts of the morning, it took her a while to get to her usual self.
Coming out of her room leads her to the kitchen and living room. Lit from the large windows where light poured through. It wouldn't kill the couple to have some blinds in their home, she thought. The sunshine was cracking against her skull, it was drilling into her head. It was too soon to be drowned in the light of day.
"Good morning Amelia. Did you sleep okay?"
Her eyes focus towards Leo, sitting at his kitchen counter. His phone in between his hands as he stares towards her. A smile spread across his lips.
She nods, walking over to him. Placing her hands together in front of her. "Yeah very well, the softest bed I've laid on in a while." Anyone could tell that was a crock of shit. The eyebags proved she got very little sleep at all.
The two of them being alone together hits her, and her head peers around the area. Melody seemed to be missing from the home, which was something she didn't expect. The two were attached at the hip the entire night. Drinking close to one another, finishing each other's sentences. Being apart so soon in her arrival, it wasn't something she thought she would see.
"Where's your uh.. Wife?" Amelia sits down in the empty chair next to him.
He sighs, placing his phone down on the countertop. "She went out for her shift, she's been out since early this morning." Leo stands up from his chair, walking away from Amelia.
The chair spins around as she moves it, still being able to face Leo when he moves away. Watching his every move carefully, even if he was just getting comfortable in his own home. Amelia had to analyze, it was the only way to figure out what his weaknesses were.
"I'm guessing her job is very important." Amelia speaks softly, leaning back against her chair.
Her words have Leo chuckling, placing his hands on the cushions to secure himself. "More important than mine will ever be." He motions towards her, "Come, sit with me. I want to really catch up."
Acting like they were old time friends, they were nothing of the sort. Of course wanting to catch up was something people who liked each other did. People who lost contact and finally reunited again. Amelia had wished she never saw Leo again, a means to an end in her life. Now here she was, hopping off of a chair to walk over to him. Letting a smile brush against her lips when she sat down, knowing all too well her true feelings.
"You know I was coming that day to see you, to get you back. All those years ago." She watches as his facial expressions turn serious. Crystal blue eyes staring into her, searching for her expression.
His eyes reminded her all too well of someone else, it had her blood boiling. Leo looked exactly like Jake, even with the facial hair. The younger version, the perfect version. If you had put the two side by side in the past, you'd think they were the same person.
Both did awful things, yet one seemed to turn their life around. While the other ran down a darker, more hideous path.
Amelia chuckles, leaning back into the couch. "How could I forget the man who took my virginity?"
He was the first, a regretful one.
"More like a little boy, forget a man."
If he wanted her to pity him, it wasn't working in the slightest. Although she had a smile pulled to her lips– The inside of her wanted to wrap her hands around his throat and squeeze. Whether he was mature or immature, he had done plenty of awful things to her. One of them was sleeping with her, taking the moment she wanted to save for someone special. He knew she wasn't in the right state of mind, he knew she was different.
Then he left, and she never knew why.
"I guess you're trying to ask questions about the past, no?" Straight to the point, she didn't want to delay it any longer.
Leo pauses, shaking his head before he leans closer to her. Hands clasped together, shaking up and down. He was trying to find the words to say to her, the first thing he wanted to ask. In a way to him, she was an open book. Leo knew half of the story, the parts he was in.
He finally sighs, clearing his throat. "How did you survive that coma.. That changed you when you woke up?"