Masturbate.
Our bestfriend, and our greatest enemy.
It swallows you, makes you feel good, gives you the taste of greatness, and then leaves.
It left you in the dark ocean of regret, shame, and guilt.
Then you promised to not ever do it again.
But it doesn't last long, everything will be happening again.
The same thing all over again.
Because we have been soaked by the darkness for so long.
My heart, my mind, it's all dark, It's dirty.
I've had enough of it.
I've been doing it almost everyday.
By next year, I'll stop doing it forever.
And that is my resolution.
It is currently 10:00 AM, the first day of the year.
I couldn't sleep.
My family was celebrating the new year last night, it was a hard time.
Today is the first day, the day the war begins.
I know it's gonna be tough, but I'm ready to face it.
I've set a few rules for me to not do 'it'.
Rule #1, socialize.
I noticed I'll do those dirty things because I'm always alone in my room.
I need to socialize more.
"Hey mom I'm going out."
"Huh!? For 16 years, this is the first time you've ever said that. Are you my son?"
"Bye."
Where I'm going? I don't know. I think I'm just gonna walk around outside being a pedestrian.
I went to coffee shops, malls, a football match, the beach.
This is pretty new to me.
Usually, I'll be doing 'it' on this sunny day in that dark room.
What a shame.
Now, I'm going to be a greater person, the one who can turn away from lust, the one who can hold his powerful needs, the one who can- *Phone Notifications*
A porn video was sent to me by my best friend, Gib.
He's my loyal supplier, the one who refills my stocks which I've deleted. My phone has become lighter after those dark files got exorcised.
Now that I'm going to the light side, I can't let my friend be left in that dark world alone.
Tooot...tooot.....toooot. "Yo Decky! How's the video? That vid made me uncontrollable bro!"
"Gib, meet me at SturBacks, now."
"Yo what's up, why did you call me so suddenly? Do you want to watch the video together or something?"
"Gib, what happens after you do 'it'? What do you feel after doing that."
"What happens after I masturbate? I'll prepare for another round. why? Is that illegal?"
"Don't you ever feel ashamed, after you do it?"
"Why would I?"
"sigh. Gib, we've been doing this for a very long time. Masturbate, it dehumanizes us. I think it is time for us to stop. Forever."
"Decky, why are you like this? First, you're in public which is really rare to see. Second, you're saying you want to stop doing what normal humans do? I think you've lost your mind."
"I'm not sorry, It doesn't make me feel better anymore. You should be too."
"Stop the crap bro, you literally called me yesterday morning for a video. You know what, I won't be surprised soon if you ask me for any video. I bet you won't last even a day. Because I know you more than your mom. Bye, see you at school."
Sigh. What am I thinking? I haven't even passed a full 24 hours. Who am I to bring someone to light, when I'm still under the shadow.
So I went back home and went straight to my room.
For now, I don't have the feeling to do it.
I have nothing to do. I felt empty. Do I have a hobby? Usually, I'll use this free time to do it.
Okay, let's just see what goes on on the internet.
In the early game, everything will be fine. Mid game, you'll start getting attacked. Late game, you won't notice that you're already in enemy territory. Which is a porn website.
And there I am, just wandering around the dark world of the internet.
It's been hours.
Earlier, I was watching cute animal videos.
Now, erotic videos pop out every second.
I can't even dodge them anymore.
My mind is battling with my own body.
My chest is beating so hard.
My breathing becomes so heavy.
I can't hold myself any longer.
Once my hand is reaching in the pants, I'll lose.
The only way to escape this situation is to turn off my phone.
But my body won't allow me to do it.
Please someone, just pull me away from this place.
I'm so ashamed of myself.
Gib was right, I can't even last a day.
Oh god, please help me.
Ring ring!
"Hello."
"Yo Decky, you know what, you were right. After you said those things before, I can't even masturbate freely. I don't know, it feels weird. I think I need to stop too man."
"Really?"
"Just kidding! I did it like 5 times today it was amazing hahahahahaha! You know what just do it man, I know you want to do it right now hahahahahahah! I'll share another vi-" Smash!
Just like that, I threw my phone and split it in half.
"Decky! What was that!?"
"Nothing mom."
Now that I've destroyed the enemy's weapon, I think it's gonna be easier soon.
I don't know if that was worth it. At least I didn't do it on the first day.
I think I have to set another rule.
Rule #2
Don't watch your phone in your room alone.
Once, you watch it on your bed, things will get risky.
I thought I was ready, but I'm wrong.
I was on the edge of falling, but my own friend, Gib, who I already thought was my enemy, saved me from doing it, even though it was not his true attention.
I should be thankful for that.
I won't give up, I won't lose, I won't fail.
I'll bring my friend and me to the light side, together we will change to be the greater version of ourselves.