Someone was watching her.
Luvenia opened her eyes. She was in a bedchamber she did not recognize. It was sparsely furnished but tidy, like a guestroom between guests.
There were two figures in a single chair by the bedside: Beaucaire and Gorogon, both asleep, both with smudges of darkness under their eyes.
"Thank the gods you're awake."
She turned her head. A man was standing by the other side of the bed. His hair was grayer than she remembered, and the lines around his eyes had deepened, but the eyes themselves were the same shade of brown they had always been.
"Dr Orrice," she whispered. Her mouth and throat were dry. "You're really here."
"I'm not a doctor anymore, just an assistant."
"Because of the poison."
"Yes. I broke my oath by using my knowledge of medicine in an attempt to harm your father. I ought to feel guilty, but I don't." He gazed at her with fondness and pride. "After all these years, to have a chance to care for you once more... I do not deserve such grace."
"I'm glad to see you." Dots slowly began connecting in her mind. "You're the assistant Dr Danacy mentioned. Were you hiding from me before?"
"I wasn't sure you'd want to see me. I was afraid I might remind you of a painful past. Then we nearly lost you, and... I realized I couldn't bear the thought of life without you in it."
She wanted to hug him, but her body felt stiff and uncooperative—and deeply sore.
"Wait... almost lost me? What happened?"
"How much do you remember?"
"Bits and pieces. Mostly pain, and your voice, and... my mother crying." She frowned. "That doesn't make any sense. I couldn't have heard that. Who was crying, then?"
Orrice shrugged. "Once Dr Danacy cleared the room, there was a commotion in the hallway, but nothing you could have mistaken for Ligeia's tears."
"Cleared the room?" Fragments of memory flitted through her head: Hanna praying, the warm smile of her long-dead mother, and the sight of her own body as if she were separated from it. "I'm a bit muddled. I think I'm confusing a dream I had with what really happened."
Orrice sat on the bed beside her and felt her forehead. She did not flinch at his touch; his actions were the same as they had been in her childhood, in sickness and in health.
"You lost a significant amount of blood. Previous trauma had caused... difficulties." His hand went to her chin. Without thinking, she opened her mouth wide; he chuckled softly when she hurriedly closed it again. "You were always a good patient. –You lost consciousness after the delivery. The doctor was able to stop the hemorrhage, but you still slept for a full day and night. Today is the twenty-second."
Panic seized Luvenia's heart. "What about Cairon??"
"Your baby is fine. A healthy little girl. She has green eyes like her father, but your dark hair."
Her next question was interrupted by a chorus of relief as Beaucaire and Gorogon woke up.
"Lu! Thank the gods–"
"–rode all night to–"
"–scared us half to death!"
She tried to raise her hands to stop their onslaught of chatter. Her arms seemed to weigh as much as a couple of horses; she gave up the attempt almost immediately.
"I'm fine," she panted. "One at a time, please."
Beaucaire leaned forward and took her hand. There were tears in his eyes.
"Goldie sent a rider to tell me you were– you'd–" He took a deep breath and soldiered on. "I rode all night. I was terrified you'd be–"
"I know. I'm sorry." Another dot joined up with the others. "Your birth mother... oh, Beau, I'm so sorry..."
"It's thanks to Lady Ligeia that your sister did not share Lady Brynn's fate." Orrice's tone was warm but melancholy. "Ligeia chose to give birth in the traditional way of Peresse, which is faster and safer than the ways known in Alatir and Middewold. When the princess– forgive an old man's failing memory. –When the queen chose it as well, I knew that Ligeia must be watching over her. Had the delivery been by another method and thus delayed..."
The sentence hung half-finished in the air.
Gorogon beamed at Luvenia over Beaucaire's bowed head. "My wife is the cleverest and bravest woman who ever lived. Thank you for our beautiful daughter."
"May I see her? I want to see Cairon."
"Soon," promised Gorogon, "when you're a little stronger. Then you'll be able to hold her yourself."
"All right." It wasn't right at all, but she had frightened them so much that it seemed unfair to complain. "Is she really very beautiful?"
"Absolutely. Everyone agrees there's never been a lovelier child born."
Luvenia smiled. "Good. Have I perhaps earned myself some of those nice little cakes? You know, the ones with sugar icing?"
"Absolutely, my dearest. –Beau, would you care to accompany me?"
Beaucaire did care to accompany him, but he had to first kiss Luvenia's hand and forehead AND tell her how proud he was of her before he would assent to leave her side. Gorogon put an arm around his shoulder as they went out.
"Would you like some water, madam? You must be thirsty by now."
"Yes, I think so. Would you kindly pour me a glass?"
She was embarrassed to find herself unable to sit up, much less to hold the glass. Serenely, without the slightest condescension, Orrice assisted her until she had drunk her fill.
"Thank you. I should be fine for now. You may go."
"Yes, madam. Shall I call a maid for you?"
"No. I think I'll just rest until my husband returns with my cakes."
"Very good, madam."
Lacking the strength for a proper gesture, she bumped her head against Orrice's arm. He stroked her hair, just once, before taking his leave.
As soon as the door closed, Luvenia let herself fall back onto the pillow.
"Hanna, I know you're here."
It was difficult to say at which point she had felt Hanna's presence in the room. The awareness had been less like a starting realization—more like an ache slowly building in her chest, a sense of longing that grew until she could hardly breathe.
"I feel so weak... Hanna, I'm frightened. I need your strength."
She heard a cloak rustling, then careful footsteps.
"My queen..." Hanna's face hove into view, pale and wide-eyed. "What can I do for you? How could I help you? I... I couldn't do anything while you were..."
Luvenia tried to reach out. Only her fingers moved.
"Just hold me," she begged. Whether from weakness or from fear, her breathing had diminished to shallow gasps. "Let me lean on you. Make me feel safe."
Hanna settled on the bed. She gathered Luvenia in her arms as delicately as if the queen were made from threads of glass.
Luvenia rested her head against Hanna's chest and listened to the restless beat of her lover's heart. The rhythm sank into her flesh and bones, slowing her respiration, soothing the ache deep within her.
"What about when the king returns?" Hanna murmured into her hair. "You asked him to bring you those cakes—him and your brother."
"Forgot about that." Luvenia nuzzled into the crook of Hanna's neck. She hoped no one would be alarmed if she went back to sleep for a while. "Just... let them eat cake."
***
After three days of enforced bed-rest, and of not being allowed to see her newborn child, Luvenia decided that she was done being told what to do.
She waited until she was alone with Orrice, then informed him: "I'm leaving this room today, even if it kills me."
"Please don't say that, your majesty. We've gone to a great deal of trouble to keep you alive."
"Then help me! There must be a way for me to go out without everyone losing their minds."
Orrice's affection for Luvenia was made manifestly clear when he came up with a solution that same day. He left briefly and returned with a padded chair with two large wheels toward the back and two small ones at the front.
"The previous king made use of this chair during his prolonged illness," he explained as he helped Luvenia into her dressing-gown. "It's been stored in the medical suite for a while. I'd almost forgotten it existed."
The chair was outrageously plush, but Orrice insisted on adding another pillow to the seat. Luvenia ceded to him on this small point with the big picture in mind.
"I don't think I could move this on my own. Did the king have a designated servant to push it?"
"As I recall, he had a rotation of footmen who bore the responsibility."
Luvenia glanced at the far corner of the room, where Hanna was curled up in profound sleep. "You must have more important things to do, Orrice. I'll ask–"
"What could possibly be more important than tending to the queen herself?" Orrice looked offended. "It would be my honor to convey you in your wheeled chair, your majesty."
***
The nursery was far enough from Luvenia's convalescent room that she would not hear the baby crying. It stung her to imagine her daughter wailing for a mother who could not hear her.
As they approached the nursery, she heard familiar voices.
Orrice opened the door. Gorogon and Beaucaire were on a settee together, cooing over the child cradled in Beaucaire's arms.
"Her Majesty Queen Luvenia of Middewold," announced Orrice in a solemn time, though his eyes twinkled.
Beaucaire started in surprise, which in turn startled the baby. Her tiny mewl of unhappiness sent a pang of guilt through Luvenia's heart.
"Let me hold her. Let me see my child."
The king and the prince both hesitated, glancing at each other and at the doctor.
After a moment, Orrice calmly took the baby from Beaucaire and brought her to Luvenia.
"Keep her head supported. –Yes, just like that. Perfectly done."
Luvenia held Cairon close and breathed in the soft scent of her downy hair. This was her baby, for whom she had suffered—for whom she had nearly died.
"Cairon," she murmured. "My daughter."
"Lu..." Beaucaire hurried forward, then stopped and hovered uncertainty a few paces from Luvenia. "I promise we weren't trying to keep you away from Cairon. We just wanted to let you rest. We... we nearly lost you."
Gorogon joined Beaucaire, slipping an arm around his waist. "Beau's right. It's important that you don't overdo it."
" 'Overdoing' implies that I was 'doing' anything in the first place." Luvenia traced the delicate contours of Cairon's tiny ear with her fingertip. "I haven't been permitted to do anything at all. As far as anyone knows, the queen of Middewold might truly be dead."
Beaucaire stared at her, eyes welling with tears. Gorogon, a bit red in the face, looked away.
"I'm glad you care about me so much—really. Just... remember that I'm still alive." She blinked away her own tears. "I know I can't do everything I did before—not all at once, maybe not for a while yet—but don't lock me away for fear of losing me. If you shut me out... I'm afraid I'll lose myself."
Cairon yawned squeakily. Luvenia couldn't help smiling.
"Let me get to know my child for an hour, then I'll go back and rest. Would that be all right?"
Gorogon shuffled over and patted her arm, awkwardly but gently.
"Of course, my dear. One step at a time. We'll soon have you back to your old self."
Beaucaire hung back, still visibly upset.
"Are you angry with me, Beau?"
"What?! No!"
"Then come over and hug me, silly."
With a damp little laugh, Beaucaire hurried to her side and put his arm around her shoulders.
"See?" Luvenia rubbed her cheek on Beaucaire's. "This is how it should be."
***
After her hard-won bonding session, Luvenia grudgingly ceded her baby back to the wet nurse and let Orrice wheel her back to the recovery room.
Orrice stepped away and opened the door. At once Luvenia could see the unmistakable broad shoulders of Hanna as she knelt by the empty bed.
"Hanna!"
The woman turned, tears on her cheeks, a heartbreaking hope in her eyes.
"I thought– " Sobs shook her voice. "You were gone, and– if you didn't wake me, then maybe you–"
Despite Orrice's immediate protest, Luvenia pushed herself out of the chair and started toward Hanna. Her legs nearly buckled at the first step.
Hanna scrambled to her feet and hurried forward to gather Luvenia in her arms. As Hanna gently lifted her, Luvenia wrapped her arms around Hanna's neck and began kissing away her tears.
"I'm sorry, my love." She felt Hanna's heartbeat thundering through both their bodies. "I'm here. I'm alive."
By the time Hanna was calm enough for conversation, Orrice had parked the chair by the door and made himself scarce. Luvenia took advantage of their newfound privacy to persuade Hanna to spoon with her while they talked.
"I finally met Cairon. She's beautiful."
"As you say, madam."
"She's doing fine without me."
"Does that upset you, my queen?"
"A little. I suppose it's unusual for a baby princess to be cared for by her own mother... but I can't help wondering what I'm meant to do if not that."
"You have your queenly duties, madam."
"Whenever Gorogon lets me have them back."
"Can't you overrule him, my queen?"
"We have equal authority, so... hmm. That's not a bad point, actually." She nestled closer to Hanna. "Tomorrow, I might have you take me to our office."
"Whatever you wish, my love."