Chapter 9
I felt like a huge burden in their home listening in on their conversations so I went on a walk to clear my head. I didn't expect to run into anything on my way but my ancestors' instincts deceived me. As I was walking down an unfamiliar street, I came across a book shop (I have a small obsession with books and collectibles)
So of course, I had to go in but as I walked in to the shop, I was not only met with the iconic new book smell but also met with a sinking gut feeling that something was wrong and I don't get that gut feeling Mutch so I knew whatever it was bad.
I am pretty glad I had the gut feeling or I wouldn't of went hunting around the shop to find the source even if it was a bad person or just a leaking tap. And I'm also glad because id I never went hunting I wouldn't of came across the diary
If you are wondering what I mean by a diary I will elaborate for your sake. When I was living with Michel and he was just a small thing it wasn't really Ideal in the sense of what state of mind we were both in at the time so … as you do, I kept a journal to keep track and motive me to get my life together and back on track. I hadn't seen that journal in quite a bit of time until now because I couldn't really access or look at it when it lived in a totally different house now.
I take the familiar leather book cover and walk up with it to the clearly old front desk
"hi "I said with a painfully obvious fake smile. The man gave the quick same smile in response "hello "his grumbly voice echoed back "could you possibly tell me who the author of this book is"? "Yes, I can it IS my job he said as if he regretted working here. I couldn't blame him looking around working here would be really boring.
"Bay Britanny "he said with a deep sigh and smile as if a breath of fresh air "amazing writer honestly I don't know how one being could possess Sutch raw talent like that "the man spoke clearly inspired
"Ok, thanks for your help "I bought the book that was rightfully mine which felt unsettling to do. I never bothered telling anyone that the book in question was mine mainly because no sane person would believe me.
I googled the name out of pure curiosity to see who was impersonating me "let whoever they are be pretty at least ". they weren't.
I wondered if I should just leave the search there but I couldn't decide if I should cause a fuss and draw attention to myself or if I should hide in the shadows like a scared puppy looking for its owner. It's not like I had a time limit on whether I wanted to tell the world about my depressive episode.
I aimlessly wandered about looking for something to do but when I finally realised that the only thing to do around here was to spend my non-existent money I retreated back home .
It was weird calling somebody's freakishly large house MY home
It was now five to six pm and they both welcomed me in with a smile and some freshly hot pasta being served at the humongous dinner table , in not going to lie it was pretty awkward them knowing that I know about the pregnancy but nevertheless we carried on until I couldn't handle the silence anymore and blurted out " SO baby names ? "
Well we were actually thinking a boy that before you left and we decided if it's a girl we will call her Delilah and if it's a boy we are going to call him Eli she said holding hands with Michael
The name rang in my head like a fog horn ELI I had the gut feeling again what was going to happen to this poor infant ?
Janes thoughts -
Should I even class him as a infant anymore ? Is he not a danger hazard ? A ticking time bomb waiting to erupt ? . No . It's horrible to think of a child that way .
" Jane ? " olive questioned snapping me out of my haze of thoughts " hmm " I answered back . They looked at each other " we've been thinking , and we want you to be the godmother "
This was it . This was the warning . Was my son going to die ? Was his WIFE going to die ?
I didn't want to think on it too much but it was already infecting by mind like a contagious disease . I could feel it spreading and taking over all of my thoughts, feelings , actions . Everything .
Eventually I snapped back to reality and smiled at the thought of potentially looking after a child again . I loved doing it , I would stay up all night with Michael telling him stories and playing him music on my acoustic guitar . I loved it .