A world of beastmen. Humans with animal ears, tails and primitive instincts. This is the type of setting I'd rant about online as something that's more suited to parody pornography than serious writing.
A world where things like knotted and barbed dicks were nothing to raise an eyebrow over. A world where people fought and killed others on the streets with their bare hands while passersby ignored it and continued with their shopping.
This is the kind of universe I was suddenly shoved into when neither Heaven or Hell claimed my soul.
Ding!
[Welcome to the Fangs and Claws System!]
And the one responsible for my soul's allocation was that digital bastard over there.
[As your apathetic state in life has left you bland to the palates of devils and gods, the Helpful Systems Center saved your soul from total oblivion and sent you to a world which fit your personality the most.]
I look at the blue screen in front of me in disbelief. I then turn around in a circle, showcasing to the voice in another dimension the very fluffy orange tail sticking out of my pants.
"Are you telling me I was always meant to be a fucking catboy?!" It's all I can say while trying my best to ignore the way my new cat ears swivel back on top of my head to display my irritation.
[Our data analysis decided it was only your spiteful nature that allowed you to be reborn as a being above a slime!]
The voice was cheery but I could hear the threat loud and clear. It was a 'be grateful, or else-!' kind of speech. I can't help but gulp. Having my next reincarnation cycle as a hostage is an incentive enough to not talk back to the corporation that now owns my soul.
'Can I even escape by killing myself? These people would probably just turn me into a bug to be squished by the protagonist in my next life.' I don't say this out loud in fear of what the answer would be, but I'm sure I can feel a pulse of pure smugness rolling off the screen in front of me.
I decide to ignore it and explore the room I'm in. I don't know if I took over a poor innocent's body or if the system simply generated an entire new house and backstory for me and I don't want to know. Their blood is not on my hands and I refuse to feel guilty.
The room is bare and small. Besides the unmade bed, there's a closet, a chest and a cluttered computer desk. It isn't a suite so I'll need to brave the hallways to find a bathroom.
Tsk. No easy money, huh? I probably live in a shoebox sized apartment if I'm lucky. Worst case scenario I have roommates.
I hold back a sigh and turn my attention to the desk. Besides a closed laptop, I can see bills to pay and formal letters. There's also a hot pink lamp shaped like a star turned on and focused on…
"Are those knitting needles?"
Ding!
[Congratulations! You have discovered one of your vessel's abilities!]
[Knitting Lvl 3 is now available to you!]
"Are you for real? What the hell! What kind of lame ass ability is this?"
[The Helpful Systems Center has deployed your abilities in accordance with the strength of your soul!]
Before I can chew the display screen out, at least in my mind, I hear a knock at my door.
"Milo? Are you alright?"
It's a female voice. Shit.
'System, why the hell did you reincarnate me into someone who has a social life? Is this a mother, sister or girlfriend? I need details or I'll be exposed as a fraud as soon as she opens that door!'
[…]
And the door opens. 'Shit!'
A tall woman with black hair in a bob cut and rounded bear ears stares at me with concern in her honey brown eyes. The contrast between her athletic body and gym clothes to my fuzzy pajama clad self is damning.
Ding!
Finally another screen appears! It floats above the woman's head and the world freezes.
< Barbara, the Roommate >
Affection Lvl 6. |
She thinks your uselessness is cute and likes to take care of you. Will protect you from strangers and give you a ride to the hospital if asked. |
Chances of mating: [Laugh Emoji] |
I take in all of that information and the world unfreezes.
Barbara, the buff woman of my dreams who'll never have sex with me, stares at me pityingly.
"What is it, honey? Was someone being mean to you again online? You can tell me."
I suddenly hate the catboy Milo of this world for being so pathetic it destroyed the reputation of all Milos across the multiverse. And I hate myself even more for being an opportunistic little shit and running towards her and into her chest for a hug.
I meow pitifully and press myself further into her body. I don't say anything else because I don't know if I'm a good liar in this body.
Ding!
[Congratulations! You have discovered one of your vessel's abilities!]
[Sad Kitty In A Box At A Rainy Day Eyes Lvl 15 is now available to you!]
[Perfect Victim Lvl 10 is now available to you!]
[Pity Affection Lvl 8 is now available to you!]
[White Knight Summoning Aura Lvl 3 is now available to you!]
Well, well, well… It looks like someone has been investing in a very interesting kit huh. I'd consider continuing with my new body's plan if it weren't for the flashing red screen suddenly dominating my view.
[Alert! New Main Quest! Alert!]
[Milo's freeloading days are over! The Main Quest in this world is to get strong enough to beat the King of All Beastmen and take his place. Pain is Gain! Make your house cat self into something wilder!]
I sigh. As they say there's no rest for the wicked.