Although he could return, the fact that he was on the verge of taking irreversible damage made him even weaker than he appeared. He needed some time to recover and recover. That's why he didn't come back right away.
Even if he did return later, he hesitated to go to his family immediately.
Maybe it was because he was reminded in detail about the smallest memories he forgot on the brink of death, he wanted to stay alone for a while to collect himself and his thoughts.
Because the great war that your life gave your life for is over. It wasn't there anymore. He achieved his goal and realized everything he had in mind perfectly, perfectly.
Now he felt himself in that deep void of aimlessness and meaninglessness. It was strange inside, as if it was bitter.
Well... what would happen now?
First of all, the basic needs had to be met, so the confusion in his mind was replaced by material needs. So when he made the decision to use what he had to make money and take action, he was suddenly caught off guard by Nanren.
What happened next was known as well.
"That's exactly what happened, you already know what happened after you found me," he said.
Nanren was lost in his thoughts.
He got it.
So, despite everything, Yun didn't choose to leave them because of the environment he was in, it was forced.
He pressed his lips together, looking at Yun lightly again.
"I did not know..."
He could only say that.
Sorry, I didn't know, so I thought you were willing to die, leaving everyone unconcerned because you agreed to it.
Nanren couldn't tell.
But despite everything, the other person's feelings, which were as stagnant as water, slowly infected him and calmed down.
"What did you feel ?"
Finally, he was able to ask.
What did you feel?
Why ?
Is it because of Samara's stupidity? With the awareness of leaving everyone so suddenly and knowing that you will never see each other again? Or at the time of death? The feeling of being ridiculed, perhaps more than once, dead and resurrected, both physically and mockingly, while being mocked at someone's hands?
He felt he was going to go crazy.
He would be overwhelmed by his emotions.
Maybe that's why she chose to gradually blind her emotions.
Because that was unbearably extreme.
It's a complete mess.
He was silent, unable to answer.
There was no complete answer to this question.
If it was death, he wondered, first strangely, his whole body would tingle as if insects had invaded it. His breathing would become rough, he could hardly breathe, as if he had a heaviness in his chest. His eyes would darken, his hearing would be muffled, and he would become hoarse. Like that sound under water.
Then, slowly, he felt his blood drain. As if his whole body had turned into a mummy, his flesh would harden as if it were sticking to the bone, and with the chills and tremors radiating from his spine, he would ache down to his teeth. She couldn't move, she. First of all, he would remain as motionless as a puppet whose strings were cut, as if his whole soul had been withdrawn from his body.
When he tried to move his finger, it would be as if his skin had dried and cracked in the cold of winter, and with the movement of his bones, as if with the slow creak of a rusty iron door.
Eventually, with his tongue stuck to his palate with thirst, consciousness would go slowly, like a flickering candle blown out by the wind.
It's an unanswerable phenomenon that he's experienced so many times and still can't get used to, where all his feelings are strangely high.
But death did not seem to be the real cause of his dementia. He just laid the groundwork.
The fact that the only hope, in addition to the physical and psychological pressure, was ignored may have been the real issue that drove him crazy.
Successive negative news, as if sinking into a swamp from which there is no escape, learned helplessness with the help of time, the futility of every move as he struggles, and the numbness that comes with time.
Fortunately, in the end, he was able to get everything under his control.
And as a result, he managed to get away with the least possible damage, even if it did.
-To be continued-