I swore I would give you my wild,
Seemed like a small trade for what would then become
A gilded cage.
Am I just a pet?
You saw me once, chased me even,
did I give in too easy?
Not once did I envy your friends and their easy-going fluidity,
the ones that fit together like missing puzzle pieces,
or cry in solitude,
or pretend that I was fine.
I don't know how to tell you.
I'm breaking.
No, that's not me, that's not me at all.
Instead I
go about everyday life
attend my lessons
write my meaningless words
check in,
my actions robotic
few and far between.
So as not to upset the balance,
because no news is good news -
right?
I walk on a tightrope of eggshells,
hold my breath,
wait for the other shoe to drop.
I put on a brave face,
smile, laugh, chat,
while my heart bleeds and splinters.
Can you see the cracks?
Even if you did, your eyes glide past.
I am only worth a one-word answer,
a two-minute phone call,
less important than an endless list of things.
Why don't your words match your actions?
I live on borrowed time
convinced it will last only seconds longer,
it scares me,
because this is not me.
This girl in front of me is small and weak.
Pathetically begging to be seen.