I still remember it like it was yesterday….. the day I feel in love with him…..
It sounds cliché but it was love at first sight the day I met Alex for the first time.
The day I met him was a warm and breezy day in the middle of summer My mom and me where visiting my aunt and cousin in the US I faintly remember that they had to talk about something important.
Wen I try to think back on that time I faintly remember Red carnations and blood I also remember the sound of painful wet coughing I remember that She had been sick for a very long time.
it used to be just little coughs here and there until a few months ago wen she started coughing some strange red liquid and pretty pink flowers.
My mom's name was eva, she was tall and beautiful with light brown hair almost yellow, green eyes that seemed like they where full of fiery passion and she had full pink lips that always seemed like they where upturned into a smile. she used to smile all the time and her eye's where full of life.
She even smiled until the day that she departed this world which was a miracle in and of itself considering that she must have Been in a lot of pain wen she died.
But no matter how much she smile I still saw the sadness in her eyes and I still noticed wen she would cry wen she thought she was alone….
My aunt was a tall and thin woman with long curly brown hair, cold unwelcoming green eyes and a seemingly permanent frown on her lips.
My aunt's name was camila and she was a cold person and one of the scariest people in the world (at least my 7 year old brain thought so at the time) so visiting her was not fun and a rare occurrence She lived in America while mom and me lived in Sweden so we didn't visit her often.
My cousin's name was Antonio and he was 16 years old he had jet black hair and eyes that was green as newly clipped grass. I remember thinking that he was as tall as a tree wen I was little while that was definitely my over active imagination he definitely was tall at least he was taller than my aunt.
Antonio and I never really talked back then which wasn't weird considering he was a moody teenager and I was no doubt a annoying little seven year old.
My aunt and cousin lived in a culdesac with blue cookie cutter house's and white picket fences where there were kids running around everywhere in the culdesac playing and having fun.
As soon as we got to my aunt's and cousin's home and my mom put away our luggage in the guest bedroom my mom and auntie camila, cousin Antonio went to aunties study to talk privately.
Before mom and auntie, Antonio started talking I knocked on the door wen it opened I went up to mom and asked if I could go out and play mom looked at me and considered it for a moment and then said Yes.
Mom: but be careful and you have to be back for dinner ok?
Little Me: ok
After I said yes I walked into the hallway and put my shoes on and went out As I walked out of the house and started looking around for interesting or fun things to do.
as I looked around I saw a bustling playground in the distance. There were a lot of other children so I was hesitant to. what if they don't like me? I thought but then I remembered something my mom told me.
(Mom : If you never try you will never know if it goes well or not.)
With that in mind I stared walking to the playground As I was walking there I got a little excited since now I could at least have some fun wile I was here since the grownups were talking about grownup stuff and everyone knew grown up stuff was boring.
Wen I got to the play ground there were a bunch of kids running around playing and it looked like a lot of fun but I was to shy to go and ask if I could join so instead I went to the swings and sat down to look around and watch.
Right in front of the swing was a big hill with a tree on top and on that hill there where five kids playing tag three boys and two girls.
As I was watching them one of the boys in the group of other children looked down at the swings and saw me looking at them then he called down and asked.
Unknown boy: hey you do want to play with us?!.
I however had space out to much to notice that he was talking to me until he said it again wen he did I finally realize that he was talking to me but to make sure I pointed to myself and asked
Little me: Are you talking to me?.
unknown boy: Yes you who did you think I was talking to dummy?! You're the only one sitting by yourself!
He yelled down.
I was a little embarrassed but I quickly got up from the swing and started going up the hill to play tag with them for the day.
Wen I got up there I saw the boy clearly and was stunned he was about my age and he was pale and had sandy brown hair, light blue eyes and a permanent looking smile I could feel my face heat up.
WOW He's cute I couldn't help but think.
As soon as I got there he instantly pulled me into the game of tag after a while I started to forget about the time.
a few hours later after playing the other children they had to go home because their moms called on them so it was only me and the boy who introduced himself as Alex.
Talking to Alex was fun but English wasn't my first language so talking to Alex was a little bit harder than I would have liked and I kept accidentally reverting back to Swedish wen I talked to him which was embarrassing but I managed.
As we were talking hours went bye with out either of us noticing until his mom called him over to go home for dinner Wen he was gone I started walking back to my aunties house.
I meet him several time after that but it would not be until much lather that we became friends and then best friends.
About a month after my 8th birthday my mom died. I remember it clearly because I was the one who found her in her bed a beautiful August morning I remember seeing her horrified face her mouth wide open those damned carnations blooming out of her mouth and what seemed like a Ocean of blood all around her the bed and the floor.
After that a I remember was screaming until my aunt ran into the room I remember that she called the police but not the ambulance she looked sad but not surprised, years later I this was because she and my cousin knew that this was going to happen because my mom had HanaHaki.
My mom had had HanaHaki for a long time and instead of operating out the flowers and the roots she decided to keep living with it because she just couldn't give up on her love so in the end she choked on it.
Wen I was little I couldn't understand why she would choose that I thought it was stupid but now I know that that was mostly just because I was mad and hurt because she chose her love for another person over living a full life and taking care of me.
But now I think I understand why she did it after all I myself was in the proses of dying for my love as well the difference is that I am not leaving a child behind to suffer because of me.
I remember it Clear as day it happened 2 years ago, I remember confessing my love to Alex after being friends for six years I thought he would feel the same after all I thought he had felt the same since we would go out on dates at least I thought they where dates since we usually went alone dressed nicely to restaurants and movies but apparently we were just hanging out at least that is what he told me wen he rejected me and my feelings.
After that he started to avoid me like I was a plague and wen we where in the same room for any reason it was really awkward and tense.
A month after I started feeling the tickles in the back of my throat and a month after that I started coughing then the pain started, I opted not to get help because I just like my mom didn't want to forget or stop feeling my love.
I was seventeen wen I coughed up my first flower, one year after he rejected me, my first flower was a chrysanthemum covered in my own blood.
I was alone in my one three one room apartment as I was reminiscing about all of this, because of his rejection I myself developed HanaHaki because I couldn't let go of my feelings for him.
The last few months my HanaHaki had gotten worse and I knew that it was my time so I started isolating myself I didn't want to hurt my aunt or cousin with my death after all they had taken care of me after my moms death they Are my family.
All of a sudden I could feel the flowers starting to restrict my breathing and I could feel them grow as they grew it got harder and harder to breathe, it hurt and I could feel and smell my blood dropping down my chin.
I didn't have strength enough to continue siting up on my bed so I fell backwards while trying to breathe but no Mather what I did I just couldn't the last thing I saw before the black dots in my vision took over everything is a pinkish red chrysanthemum covered in blood.