- a reminder that this story is gender neutral one.
sorry for being late, so thank you for reading so far, I really appreciate it.
... previously...
" geez chill mate, seriously if looks can kill I have been dead a long time ago probably the day I met you, I just came here as a messenger of peace from a little birdie called Julie?" I stated, Ivan's expression suddenly dropped to a softer one....
.... chapter begins...
an hour later...
sitting down next to the old aging man with the red cap, I got to listen to Ivan spill his whole heart out,
it was our first real conversation together that didn't involve cursing or charging at each other like animals,
seeing the lies from Truth, if there's one thing I realized is Ivan might be the sweet old grandpa the little Julie painted him to be, or at least he's not so so bad, as Ivan finally spoke with no filter for the first time in a seemingly a long while, talking about why he's a douchebag to everyone in town but the red head Amy and her daughter Julie.
the reason everyone in town hates his guts all dates back to when Ivan first met the team AKA Mickey, Omar and the Twins two years ago...
As I recently knew from the twins, Zoya and baby Rory are Mickey's wife and daughter, presumably both dead on different occasions. Zoya happened also to be Ivan's daughter whom he was searching for her at the time of the apocalypse, which automatically makes baby Rory his granddaughter.
in the past, Ivan and his wife divorced few years in their marriage, he ended up somehow taking custody over their daughter, Zoya who was just a kid at the time and has lived her childhood being raised by Ivan, a strict father so busy with his job in law enforcement, he didn't have the time nor the mentality to raise a child, and it didn't help that Ivan was such a too much of a rules imposing parent that it made Zoya feel trapped.
And she had enough, Zoya confronted her father and told him that she doesn't feel at home with him, she doesn't feel loved as if Ivan doesn't care about her.
Enraged, Ivan sent a fifteen year's old Zoya back to stay with her mother who lived too far away for him to be able to visit regularly, The father-daughter relationship was more than just strained, it was broken and after moving out of the house and far away from his reach, Zoya cut all ties with her father even refusing to answer his calls, She went as far as going to spend the night in a friend's house when he comes to visit just to avoid Ivan as much as possible.
years went by and and a regretful Ivan didn't know how Zoya was doing or what she's doing in her life, he didn't even know that she had a kid or she had a lover, even when his ex wife died shortly after Zoya turned eighteen, his daughter refused talking to him during the funeral, until years later when she and out of nowhere called him for the first time in years just days before her wedding to invite him and tell him that she forgave him for not being the father she hoped for all her life.
it was at that moment that Ivan finally decided to change, he wanted to go see his daughter, his baby girl and try make it up for her, be a real father that support and loves his kid unconditionally, or so he said.
So imagine the following scenario, You're Ivan, a father going to attend his soon to be married daughter's wedding to hopefully rekindle their relationship, suddenly the road is blocked and he realized he's going to be running late for the wedding due to this unexpected roadblock, the Only thought in head that he's going to disappoint Zoya again by running late on her big day .
But what actually held him back wasn't some accident on the way or a Minor traffic, it was the start of an apocalypse, and what was supposed to be a trip of hours, turned into a journey of years, walking down the aisle was nothing but mangled zombies, no Zoya no Mickey no nothing.
Unable to find anyone alive of whom he recognized or knew of, Ivan ended up searching and hoping for the best only to find the worst, Mickey the man whom married his daughter had to deliver him the news two years ago that she's gone.
and to add salt to injury, The missing case of Baby Rory nearly made Ivan loose his mind.
half of his family, his girls just gone and it didn't sit right with Ivan that Mickey survived it all.
call it grief, regret or being on the verge of madness, he threw all the blame on an already overwhelmed and grieving Mickey, the rest of the team didn't interfere at the beginning considering it was a family matter between Mickey and Ivan, until after a serious bad fight with his no longer a father in law, Mickey felt like he had enough and tried to hang himself which shocked Ivan who saved him at the last minute, he didn't wish for things to go this far, Ivan never meant to push Mickey to the edge at least.
Ivan tried to fix his attitude and apologized for what happened, yet Mickey's several failed suicide attempt was the last straw for everyone else in the team and even the town's people as they obviously give thousands Damns about Mickey And his team, they decide to stand up against Ivan. even after he tried redeeming himself...
it was too late for the old man to change the image he set for himself.
so simple as that, he decided to continue being a douchebag since he failed being a nice guy, no matter how good his intentions were, people always assumed the worst from him, and it didn't help that Ivan didn't know how to show he's got good intentions himself.
" Dude, seriously?!" I nearly screamed hitting Ivan on the back of his head,
" I'm old enough to be your grandpa even (Y/N)! how dare you hit me!" he whined in response,
"heh like I care Ivan, like I give a shit." I replied snickering at the old man, We exchanged some sort of smiles between each other, sincere ones at least.
"(Y/N) listen, I really care about the team. I feel like each one of them is a kid of mine, Especially Mickey he is after all my late daughter's husband...or pretty much her widowed husband, and I've hurt him the most, I pushed a living being to try and end his life (Y/N)... I'm not proud of myself."
"There is no denial you're piece of shit Ivan, and you're lazy af for not trying harder to clean yourself from the dirt you threw on your name, but I believe you. I believe there's good in you, and I kinda hope you just stop being a wack head? especially to the team cuz I know the Townspeople are a lost cause.
it's hard to change a lifestyle you sustained for so long but trust me grandpa, It's better to be a nice guy and be hated than being a jerk and still be hated, you're just giving them more reasons to burn you."
" what the hell do you want me to do (y/n)? Make flower crowns for everyone?! Listen kiddo, I know for a fact I deserve every bit of disrespect I get from everyone. all I was a shitty father, I was a shitty father-in-law and I am a shitty teammate as well...It's for the best of everyone hate someone like me, I'm no good for anyone, dead or alive."
" oh what a hypocrite! you got Sweet single mom Amy backing you up like a wall! that girl is so heartbroken you can't attend the wedding she's hoping that you'll be watching it from the tree house window...and little Julie, that kid was looking for you to play with her too... don't bullshit me by saying you can't be nice Ivan, you can! you're just...idk either tired as Fuck or scared I guess."
" Amy and Julie are like a daughter and granddaughter to me...I didn't ask for their kindness, it's funny that I just helped Amy once and ever since then she's treating me like a good friend. tired . maybe, but I'm not scared of being Nice, I'm scared of losing more people (Y/N), I'm scared of getting attached and I know I'll eventually hurt someone or...lose someone. I'm an old hag now and as healthy as I look... I'm not sure how much longer I can hold on, I won't die in peace knowing I ruined someone's else's life, or that I was too late to save somebody again."
I gave Ivan a skeptical look, I think he's doing exactly what he's fearing.
"sad stories aside, go apologize dumbass, again and again of you have to and this time to Sultana and Omar...you ruin their spirits at the mentioning of your name, I can't promise you they'll forgive you right away but maybe they'll let you come tomorrow... if you go to apologize I'll back you up, I'll come with you!" I said giving him a thumbs up,
Ivan nearly laughed in my face as he said "and what good Will that do? after everything I did? I got kicked out of their wedding but a majority vote! and why do you want me to attend the wedding anyways?"
I tried to sound as earnest as I can be" Ivan mother F Sillo, you will go apologize and if you don't, I'll kick you to your grave!" I said giving the old man a mean stare,
" shit fine, I'll apologize you freak...I mean (Y/N)." Ivan replied instantly startled by my threat.
" good." I spoke standing up from the floor, a dizziness took over me and I found myself falling back, thankfully Ivan caught me before I hit the ground.
" you're okay kiddo?" he asked, his face was showing a actual worried anxious expression.
"I'm hungry maybe... I'm okay though, you can let go of me." I said picking myself back up.
....few minutes later...
I successfully dragged the grumpy old man from the tree house, Ivan was absolutely a reck of emotions at this point.
as we were heading to the town, I got him to pick some flowers to use as well, hoping he'd be making some sort of presentable bouquet of flowers. instead, he kept unconsciously making flower crowns.
Too Nervous his apologie will be met with a refusal, I reminded Ivan that there's no obligation on anyone to accept his apology, the goal of saying sorry is to show good intentions, fix some cracks and maybe gain trust and respect again.
Don't expect to be forgiven just because you apologized.
" I don't wanna ruin their spirits right now... I'll apologize after the wedding." Ivan begged for the last time, bargaining to avoid the inevitable Apology.
" We are never granted the next day not even the next minute! how you'll make sure none of us is going to die by the time you try to apologize...buckle up and be a decent person, It is time for you to finally say sorry Ivan!" i replied crashing his last efforts to dodge his moral responsibilities.
"ah shit, there is no way around you, is there captain?"
" nope Grandpa, I've set my mind on this and I'll make it happen...Hey! look it's out soon to be bride!...HEY Sultana!" I called as soon as my eyes laid on the Hijabi girl with the twins trailing behind her eagerly.
For a moment she smiled as she saw me but her smile quickly fell off as she saw the old man next to me, " Ivan, why are you bothering (Y/N)?!" Sultana Spoke with her angry tone mistakenly thinking that Ivan was in the middle of bothering me,
"Oh no no he's not bothering me at all, he's here for you! actually... isn't the right Ivan?" I quickly replied pushing the old man forward to make him speak up, " umm, yeah ... about that...umm" Ivan try these best to make words come out of his mouth, but it was obvious that his anxiety took over.
there's no denial that apologizing takes guts and it's possibly one of the most brave yet anxiety triggering things a person can do, Ivan looked constipated trying to simple say an honest sorry, especially when Omar quickly ran to Sultana's side as soon as he spotted us, with Mickey running by his side.
"I don't know what your cooking...and I don't have time to wait for you old hag! If You got nothing to say then don't waste my time." Sultana's glares matched the tone of her words, Omar looked like he was about to burst when I gave a hopeful stare to Ivan, it seems to have encouraged him to finally speak up.
" Listen Sultana,Omar, I know I've wronged you two in so many ways I can't even count how many times, I caused your smile to go away... I wish I didn't have that effect on you. Sultana I'm really sorry. There is no doubt I'm a piece of shit but I never hated anyone here, To me you're a nice girl around my daughter's age, smart loyal with a good head over your shoulders. Someone like you kind and helpful, you easily won over the team which is something I couldn't do.
whenever I look at you Sultana I'm reminded of my Zoya, my daughter... you kind of have the same personality as her...to be honest you, Amy, the twin girls and even Mickey and Omar...i feel like all of you Are my children but I was too afraid to be a good father figure or even a friend, I couldn't be a good father to my own daughter... how can I be a good father figure to anybody else?! I've always wanted to fix the past...umm and I guess not being able to do so, it made me afraid of caring and loving somebody else.
what if I ruined their lives? like I did to my own daughter! I thought if everybody hated me it would be for the best, If everybody just avoided the old grumpy Ivan, that does nothing but open his mouth to insult and hurt people. If people hated this person, nobody's going to love him and he's not going to get attached to anybody else... He's not going to hurt anybody else." Ivan's words came out like a river, filled with emotions even though his eyes darted away from everyone, You can hear a voice someone who's been grieving for too long,
taking a deep breath, Ivan's eyes finally landed on someone, he was looking at Mickey with a weak smile as he continued talking, "when Mickey try to kill himself, it was then only when I realized, my desires to be a father, to get rid of a guilt stuck way deep into my heart, was a wrong hope to hold on.
It was none of my business, I shouldn't have tried to keep playing the role of a father when it was too late to have a relationship that nobody asked for, My daughter is dead and that's it.
I couldn't handle it I couldn't accept it, I wanted to throw blame on Mickey, why did he survive? why my daughter had to die? all of these thoughts came at once and manifested into constant harassment, I pushed a man to the edge of death with his own hands.
I brought nothing but pain is again, The shit I pulled wasn't going to bring my daughter back to life but I still did it, I opened up a could have been a sealed wound... again I couldn't fix what I've done! so I continued being a jackass thinking this is for the Best of everybody. if all of you avoided me, I wouldn't be able to hurt you. I'm sorry I'm really am! If I can rewind these two years and fix everything I did I would do it in a heartbeat...I'm so sorry for all the bullying, insults, hatred and venom I have spit on you over the years we've known each other." Ivan finally finished his words by dropped to the ground, bowing to everyone in front of him.
instantly Omar and Sultana begged him to get up, both flustered by his sudden action, "astaghfirullah! ya! yyyou! get up old man!... what's wrong with you?!" Omar shouted blurring each word out of confusion while Sultana kneeled close to Ivan tapping on his back, Ivan On the other hand refused saying he won't get up until they truly believe he's sorry. " I don't care if you don't accept my apology, just please...let me show you how sincere I am!" Ivan's replied to the soon to be married couple.
Omar, Sultana and the whole team, their faces as red as it could be, eyes wide as they never expected anyone to bow down even if they are truly regretful, not even myself expected Ivan to pull this up.
"Get up! please don't bow to us! you're a person like us, please get up!" Sultana begged Ivan still tapping on the old man's back, it was obvious that Ivan was shaking, crying maybe.
" No...no" he whispered but I was able to hear it well in my ear, "Ivan you're stressing everyone out, listen to her!" I yelled out finally getting enough of this.
despite everyone's desperate calls, Ivan was still crouched down to the ground with his hands placed on his chest, shaking visibly.
Mickey dropped next to him, in a swift move he pulled the old man to him, hugging Ivan who's face was showing signed of him fighting his tears.
honestly it was so emotional I felt like crying myself, my throat a sore as someone's who's got a bad case of cold, however I managed to swallow it. "it's okay, you know I forgave you long ago father, it is okay." Mickey's words delivered with his loving smile, The old man finally let out those tears he held back.
touched, the twin girls bursted crying hugging each other, Omar was sniffing and Sultana handed him a handkerchief from her pocket.
I smiled at the scene, everyone was either crying or holding back fro it, in each other's arms or just side by side watching as Mickey comforted the man whom once was his father in law, a man who once was a father like him.
" shit, here comes the waterworks!" I said chuckling as I felt my tears rolling dramatically on my cheeks. noticing that nobody is paying attention to me, I spun around away from everyone's vision and grabbed a handkerchief I was offered earlier as a gift to wipe off my face.
My heart nearly dropped...the tear drops I supposedly just wiped, weren't water.
I was crying blood.
..... chapter end.