Afternoon in Yogyakarta, 2016
After a brief conversation I had with him some time ago, until now I keep thinking about him, his words make me feel bad. Like something was hidden by Kakung. In my favorite room I kept thinking about it, playing guitar and singing Kakung's favorite song.
Wise men say
Only fools rush in
But I can't help falling in love with you
Shall I stay?
Would it be a sin
If I can't help falling in love with you?
Kringgg kringg kringg
The sound of the phone ringing again and stopped the sound of the guitar quote that I was carrying. After a few days of not ringing, the sound of the house phone was again heard. I immediately picked up the phone and I stuck it in my ear.
"Hello, with Zhenda here, who am I talking to?" my voice softly said to the hilt of this old phone, hoping for an answer from the person who called me this afternoon...
"Hello my daughter..."
A little bit of my mouth froze when I heard the same voice, the voice of the woman who had called me several times. However, this time he answered my question, this was very strange because there was the phrase "my daughter" behind his sentence. I paused for a moment and then I immediately replied back.
"Who?" while frowning, I was very nervous. The sound of my breath was already in order again, "what is my mother's voice?" in my heart I asked and guessed what I thought was impossible.
"This is Mother son, you Zhenda Safana is ?..." His voice sounded like holding back tears.
I didn't answer, my chest was tight. All of a sudden my tears were dripping on their own. I can't help but cry, I just grabbed this phone.
In my heart I kept asking, "Is that really mother's voice? I'm not sure, the woman's voice I've heard a lot these days, but what's true is she Mom" - I still doubt what she said on the phone.
I continued to daydream about it, until I finally went to Kakung's room. I put my guitar into the corner of the room, then I went to Kakung's room, Kakung was not healthy, he was still lying on his mattress a few days ago.
****
"Kakungggg, good afternoon" as I walked closer to the door I hardened the sound approaching kakung's bedroom door.
Grekkkkk
The melodious sound from kakung's bedroom door that I pushed until it finally opened. I saw Kakung sitting on a chair by the window of the room. I started approaching him...
"Kakung, I call you silent anyway, I will miss Kakung. All day Kakung kok did not shout at me, even eating did not offer me earlier. " while making a sound of echoes I sat on the floor close to the chair that Kakung was sitting on.
The melodious sound from kakung's bedroom door that I pushed until it finally opened. I saw Kakung sitting on a chair by the window of the room. I started approaching him...
"Kakung, I call you silent anyway, I will miss Kakung. All day Kakung kok did not shout at me, even eating did not offer me earlier. " while making a sound of echoes I sat on the floor close to the chair that Kakung was sitting on.
"If you're so noisy Zhenda, Kakung's ears can still hear your voice. But if you scream in the house calling Kakung, Kakung can be deaf lohhh." Hahahah kakung's distinctive voice that often scolds me
"ishhhhhhh, Kakung evil, this beautiful grandson of yours you are angry" in a childlike tone I replied and stared towards Kakung. He kept looking out the window, looking at the manga tree in front of the house.
"What's up Nduk Zhenda, do you miss me? You are also very busy in the room. If you want food to Kakung's room, don't go right away, here eat the same Kakung. Kakung will be lazy to offer to eat together, you are never sensitive" his tone began like a child who wants to be noticed. So funny.
"Yes, I will immediately bring my food to Kakung's room. Kung, someone called me, he said he was Mom. Do you think that's true mom? Do you remember me Kung?" my voice relaxed slightly when I asked that. While bowed I waited for Kakung's reply
"Huhhh, yes it's Mom, a few weeks ago your uncle came here when you went outside and told him that your mother called him. He asked for a house phone number, your uncle said your mother wanted to call you. Yes maybe it's time you should understand and accept it Nduk"
"But Kung what did she call me for? Didn't she forget about me? I thought she was dead" a little annoyed I accidentally threw that sentence in front of Kakung.
"Zhenda! Don't talk like that, Kakung told me a few days ago that she loves you. Rest assured your mother must have changed and could be accountable to you Zhenda."
My tears were dripping again, now accompanied by the sound of sobs from me that I could no longer chew. I bowed, tears drenched my feet
"Your mother loves you Zhenda, she's like any other mother who loves her child very much. Because of your father's behavior when he used to want to forget the problem. It would be said he missteps, he didn't think that any of you would get hurt after that. "
"I hate her so much! I won't be able to accept him in my life anymore! she had already left me, leaving Kakung and Uti as well, until Uti died Mother also never returned to Kung's house. She's not my mom!" she gasped and cried as I raised the tone towards Kakung. I knew it would hurt Kakung's feelings, but wasn't she not a good mother?
Kakung was speechless, I got up from the floor walking out leaving Kakung alone in his room. While continuing to cry I went towards the kitchen, I opened the refrigerator and took a bottle of drink. A little relieved, then stepped into the room, my head was very dizzy.
Arriving in the room I pulled out a blanket and tried to sleep. I hope that tomorrow my feelings will be better and hopefully Kakung is not offended by the tone and sentences I put to him earlier.
This afternoon, it was a mess I said. I can't breathe a sigh of relief today, my mind is in chaos. I still can't accept if it's my mother.
"Ahh I can't sleep, play guitar" as I threw away the blanket I picked up the guitar and started singing a striped chant. I'm singing the song that was delayed
Take my hand
Take my whole life too
For I can't help falling in love with you
Like a river flows
Surely to the sea
Darling, so it goes
Some things are meant to be
Take my hand
Take my whole life too
For I can't help falling in love with you
For I can't help falling in love with you
Sitting down while playing guitar, I didn't realize my tears were dripping when I playing Elvis Presley's song Can't Help Falling in Love. For me this song is like a twist, revealing a sad verse, not because of romance, but that I feel very much related to what I'm feeling right now. I finished playing it I went back up to the bed, pulled the blanket and closed my eyes.
****