[chapter 3]
The greatest words of advice I have ever heard in my life came from a woman I met when I was 7. She had looked down at me calmly, a strange sort of calm that was characteristic to her, I learned over the period of a few years, it was a kind of calm that seemed to be condescending. As if nothing in this mortal world could ever phase it.
She said to me:
"Kayn, don't let your problems eat you up. If you find that you can't get over the problem, then get rid of it. Everyone has problems, their own internal wars to wage. The difference between some is that some people chose to hide from it. Their problems become the hunter and they the prey. I say fight it, after all you only live once and sometimes you have to chose yourself. No mater how selfish it may seem. It doesn't matter what you have to do to get your peace, nor how long you have to wait, just make sure you can live with yourself afterwards."
I never really understood what that meant.
*****
In the end I had decided to not spend the day with Amanda. I knew her well. Days like these where she was forced to close were the only day offs she ever left for herself. They were the only thing stopping her from working herself to sickness. Plus, I had other things to do.
As the sun slowly set I took up my keys and walked to my car. I was going on a drive to the slums. Objectively, this was a horrible idea, one that no sane person would come up with. I for one had seen evidence that the slums was probably in chaos right now. So many police cars don't go into an area for no reason. Especially an area with the reputation like the one the slums had. It was dangerous to be there for residents not to mention me.
But maybe for that same reason, how dangerous it could prove to be, was my main motivation. Maybe I was hoping that the universe would send a sign. Something. Anything. To convince me that what I wa about to do was a mistake. This wasn't a decision I could take back as easily as I made it.
I drove down the streets, intentionally slow, I wanted some space to think. Some space to breathe.
I've always been particularly fond of a good drive.
There's just something about the air breezing past your face, the sun peeking through the trees that sparsely frame the streets that calms me. I was never a morning person but I couldn't help but look forward to that moment of my days when I was driving my car or stuck in traffic. It had almost become the most calming part in my days nowadays. There was always so much happening everywhere.
I tap the steering wheel lightly, enjoying my peace for the brief moments it lasts, because (as we all know) peace seems to never last long enough. It was always there just long enough to remind you that it exists then it disappears indefinitely.
With the speed I was driving with by the time I actually got to the slums it was dark. I make sure to park in an inconspicuous place before I reached the heart of the slums. I decided to finish the rest of the trek on foot. I wear a facemask and blend into the night, darting between buildings. The buildings soared high with walls stained by a flurry of different colors of spray paint. I could not make out words with the sparseness of light in the area.
The alleys smelt like pee and must. I didn't even need to look down to realize I was stepping on mushy moss, the type that grey when a place was continuously exposed to water, at least that's what I hope it is. A cat darts by my leg, it was so scrawny and mangled it looked like a piece of cloth that darted from one side of the alley to another. I had studied a map before I left the car and so I took the twists and turns with relative ease with a bit of repressed memory helping me out. I darted in and out of alleys that twisted and turned like a snake. In and out, sometimes in the light and others being plunged into complete darkness. There seemed to be a curfew enacted on the area, along the way I spotted next to no one, except for a figure sneakily darting around the edge of my vision, sneaking around just like I was.
I finally get to the edge of the slums, to a large fence, I don't think even need to think twice before I Used my leg to sweep away the knee height tall grass. As expected, there was a crawl hole, but there was a problem.
"Damn it, I guess it's smaller than I remembered."
When I was younger this hole looked big enough to fit two of me comfortably but now it was way to small of even my shoulders to shimmy into. I look around for a way to get over.
Nothing.
I could only resolve myself to climbing the wall. I immediately launch myself at the fence and start climbing as quickly as possible. The higher I was the more noticeable I would be.
I don't make the climb back down and just jump down, before pushing off into a full-on sprint.
A large house comes into view. It was almost comparable to the mansions in the rich area… That is if you were to ignore the obvious signs of decay.
Even from the outside you could tell the house was one bad wind from caving in on itself. This entire place was on the brink of complete and utter collapse.
A few tears well in my eyes as I looked at the structure. "I'm back."