My memory,..it was flooded with the waters of the long and wide river of deception.Everything in my head during the time I was comatose,was dark and black and I had no accessabile memories of to keep me company.I could assure you that it wasn't that I was unable to dream,some people think that to be a blessing because they always get nightmares during their sleeping hours.
No,this was not like that,or,even I would've been anxious to not receive one of those nightmares I usually have , for ones.But,it was even worse of a situation you could hypothesize on.It was as if I was in a constant state of lucidity,and darkness so thick and dense you could almost touch it was all around me,and I couldn't control it,only feel it.I was scared.For the first time in a long period,I finally felt weakness and fear.Usually,I would really on my strong mental state to overcome my fears and hardships,but now,even my loyal and trustworthy companion became a great part of my fear.Finally,I had a reason not to trust anybody,not even my own self."I want to go home!"cried out a voice within the darkness.
My hand reached out in the fog constituted by darkness and sorrow . I held to something ,the darkness around it began to fade away,and a person's figure appeared,curled up,its head in between its knees and was winning silently.It was me,though,a much younger version of me,about twelve years old.Currently,I was twenty five,but this didn't change the fact that I was still like the child,inside my heart.Question drove wildly in my head,taking twists and turns of all kind.How??What?Where? but not once did I ask myself"Who?".I knew who the child was.Physical appearance put aside,I understood the child's personality .
Lonely, insecure,unsure,rejected.The child was the person I hide from the world,from people and,,....from family.He was also my emotions that I refused to share with others.Then,suddenly,it became clear to me.The purpose of the child being there,so simple the answer was.Regret.I was regretting never opening up to those I once saw important in my life.Now, unsure whether I'll die or not,felt regret.But why,why did I feel regret????It ached me,a hard and hot lump was growing in my throat,very slowly.The type of slowness that assured deep unpleasantness.
It was my choice after all,I chose not to open up,to die with my problems humbly like a lamb to the slaughter,but now,I just couldn't. Meanwhile,the life support machine that was with me at the hospital,began indicating my heartbeat rate dropping as I kept on to feel the rock-sized lump increasing proportionally.Now one was present in that room to witness my final moments,not even the doctors.Beep...beep...be...ep....bep...b......Then when the beeping stopped the lump disappeared and a sense of relief fell upon me, I, oddly felt like a load was lifted on me,I had died,and hadn't left my mark on the world I left behind.'What a waste of a life,'was my last thought before giving in to the darkness and letting it consume me.