(A single stage, with the crimson curtains drawn. A spotlight shone upon the empty stage that held no one. Then, Kukulkan entered from the right side, carrying some papers)
Kukulkan: Oh hello! Hello! Uh…
(Kukulkan looked down at the paper. Her eyes scrutinized everything closely)
Kukulkan: Am I really supposed to say this? This?
(Kukulkan looked to the right side of the stage at someone out of view)
Kukulkan: Uh, alright. Ahem. Goodness, I hope I don't regret this. So hey y'all… fams'... time for a quick recap of the First Arc in my wild journey into the world of SCP-001 'When Day Breaks' by S.D. Locke— Alright I can't do this shit.
(A bright flash of green light accompanied by a smell of burning paper permeated the room. Kukulkan incinerated the script)
Kukulkan: I'm going to do it my way. So here's a recap of everything that happened. After finishing the Waifu Catalog, I got sent to New York City moments before 'When Day Breaks' actually started. This gave me an excellent view of hundreds of people around Times Square screaming as they melted into a puddle of waxy, molten flesh. Thank you for that I completely, absolutely, positively needed to see that.
(Kukulkan glared at someone out of view)
Kukulkan: Anyway, I searched around New York, finding only a handful of people in a city of millions and I placed them inside a reinforced safehouse. Then as it turned out, whoever was piloting these flesh things noticed my immunity to solar corruption, and so sought to get me to join with them. That intelligence is incredibly adaptive, and so was able to breach into my first safe house easily.
(Kukulkan's fingers twitched)
Kukulkan: I conjured up a storm of the millennium to deal with them while keeping the survivors out of the reach of the sun. This storm caught the attention of the SCP Foundation, who then told Mobile Task Force Tau-5 'Samsara' to take a detour from their original destination of Site-17 and make contact with me.
(Kukulkan had a smile on her lips)
Kukulkan: I managed to get concessions from them in that the Foundation would start rescuing whoever is left in the world in return for my employment. We entered Site-17 at the bottom of the ocean and I encountered SCP-343, or as I called him; Gilgamesh since his name was erased. I learned from Cain that Gilgamesh was his brother and he stands as humanity's First Hero. Cain said how Gilgamesh sacrificed his everything to jump forward in time until he was going to be needed the most. I also discovered whoever corrupted the sun knew of this and so specifically targeted Gilgamesh, corrupting him.
(The smile changed into a look of somberness)
Kukulkan: He tried to absorb me. I fought back. I won…
(Kukulkan turned away)
Kukulkan: I became the commander of SCP-239's army—
?: I am the Zvezdnyy Rebenok! The witch who will save all of humanity!
(A girl of no more than ten to eleven years old popped into existence in a cloud of smoke. The girl was dressed in a purple outfit reminiscent of a witch and her posture spoke of grandstanding)
Zvezdnyy: Behold, in this realm thou resideth, my Polkovodets. Wherefore dost thou conceal yourself from mine gaze? Hath thou forsaken your affection for me?
Kukulkan: Why are you talking more chuuni? That was supposed to be a surprise for the next Arc!
Zvezdnyy: I am the Zvezdnyy Rebenok, the one who gazes into the cosmic abyss! Witness my vision of the human saga, where every soul's tale unfolds before me! I stand as the protagonist—
(AN: Play: Technical Difficulties)
(Kukulkan, looking especially tired, strode back into view of the stage)
Kukulkan: So. Where were we? Ah, that's right. I was talking about how I became Zvezdnyy's Polkovodets, which means 'Commander' in Russian. After being officially employed by the SCP Foundation as the only member of Mobile Task Force Omega-10 'Divine Judgement'. My first mission was to recontain a lost SCP-682, the unkillable lizard, out in the deserts of an empty Saudi Arabia.
(Kukulkan flexed her muscles)
Kukulkan: I had no problem with SCP-682. He couldn't come anywhere close to piercing through my skin, but I couldn't put him down. Eventually, our fight led him to the crossroad between the Tigris and the Euphrates Rivers. Upon which the Gate Guardian interrupted our battle, letting SCP-682 back into Eden after being banished for tricking the first man into eating the Apple.
(Kukulkan paused for a moment as though to recollect her thoughts)
Kukulkan: Uriel told me of what I needed to do to kill Ion, the one who's responsible for causing 'When Day Breaks'. I found myself deeply hating him, the progenitor of Sarkicism. Uriel told me how the solution to Ion resided within Jupiter, SCP-2399, the Malfunctioning Destroyer. Ion knew of our attempt to make contact with the remains of the Church of the Broken God and personally took to the field and ignited a civil war within the Church.
(Kukulkan paused for even longer)
Kukulkan: That was my darkest hour. I left Earth for Jupiter. What was left of humanity was forced to contend with Ion while I repaired SCP-2399. During that month of isolation within the depth of Jupiter's inner mantle of Metallic hydrogen, I found myself being incredibly bored with the Sisyphean task of acting as a trolly that collects pieces of SCP-2399 before bringing it up, emptying, and going back down once more…
Kukulkan: I started hurting myself just to pass the time. Nonetheless, SCP-2399 was completed, and it launched itself towards the sun, the 'throne' that Ion sat on. Then it was abruptly destroyed, and Ion took the chance to explain to me his reasoning. The Afterlife. What comes after death for a human. I found the Afterlife that Ion explained to me to be horrific. What I experienced down in Jupiter was a mere facsimile of what Ion experienced, and I found the hatred disappearing and instead replaced it with understanding. Between either an eternity of isolation within that omnilock or an eternity of mindless bliss… I would choose the latter. It is the closest to heaven— the realm of eternal, endless joy. A True Oblivion would be preferable to that place.
(Kukulkan looked at a spot outside of the camera's view. She stared at it solemnly, emptily, purposelessly. Then, she raised her head and faced the camera, a look of focus and determination on her face)
Kukulkan: I didn't know if Ion was telling the truth or not. I couldn't know. But at the same time, it's safer to assume he was telling the truth. Yet even so, though Ion devised a treatment for this sickness that is SCP-7179, his medicine is too bitter. I used his love for me and got him to confess, whereupon I immediately sold him to the Company, hereby ending 'When Day Breaks'. Now, I travel the vastness of beyond Infinity to search for a method of treating this death. Now, I travel to find True Immortality. Now, I travel to the world of Fate/Grand Order Part 1 since the mission Grand Order offers a free Tier-9 Nasuverse character— I seek the wisdom of its greatest mages. People like Solomon, Morgan, or Merlin; should be able to solve death.
(Kukulkan took in a deep breath)
Kukulkan: I will return. When I do, I will bring with me the solution to death. So swears Kukulkan. So swears me.