LISA
I sit across from my dad and I can see that he is lying to me. I know that if I keep on pushing to get the truth he is just going to act as if everything is the way it should be. He will never admit when he has done something wrong or lied for that matter.
"How can one man's file only be a page. He does not even have a picture?"
"Well...he was one of the first new recruits for our base and back then the files were not so complete. So, unfortunately, this is the information that I have to give you...I am sorry but I have to leave, I forgot that I have this meeting..."
I can see that my dad is getting very uncomfortable and for him to leave in the middle of our dinner is highly unorthodox. I am usually the one that has to come up with an excuse to end the dinner and now he is doing it.
I do not even have a chance to say goodbye as he kisses me on my cheek and then leaves me all alone in the restaurant at the table. I just stare after him as he leaves and I wonder what is going on. I am now even more intrigued to get to the bottom of this.
Then I know exactly what to do. I take out my phone and dial a number. It is not even two rings and she answers.
"My long lost friend. Why is it taking you so long to call me?"
"It is good to hear your voice too, Dr. Sanders. How are you doing?"
"I am doing okay but we really miss you around these offices"
"I would lie if I say that I do not miss it but I really do not miss the drama and the sadness"
I can hear her sigh on the other side of the phone. Our offices were next to each other on the base where we would treat the soldiers. Some days were really hard for us psychiatrists and some days were not so hard. I guess I just did not have the balls to see it through. She was stronger than what I was. I just could not handle it anymore.
"I hope you are calling me to tell me that you coming back. The other psychiatrist that they got in your place really is much more stuck-up than what you were"
"What?! Are you telling me you think I am stuck up?!"
"Hell yes! You know you were"
We laugh together and then I hear her voice turning more serious.
"So, I know you would not call me unless you need something"
"I am so glad that you know me so well..."
I tell her all about this case of Captain Smith that I am working on and how I need to get my hands on his file. I know all that she needs to do is call in and they will send the file to her.
"...what do you say? Can you do me this favor?"
"You know that I can lose my job and credibility if they find out that I sent the file to you"
"Yes but I also know that you have always had this way of dealing with people so that they do what you ask without really asking them"
I know she always likes to hear how well she does in her job and so I make sure that I can seal the deal.
"I know that you are manipulating me. I would not be a good psychiatrist if I did not. But I guess I can do this one for you. What did you say is his name?"
I give her the name again and then thank her for her help. We say our goodbyes and then I get back in the cab. The pain in my foot is now more prominent than the day before and so I get back home to drink my pain pills.
I take the stronger dosage as I think it would be a good idea for it to knock me out for the night.
BRIAN
I open the envelope and now I am sitting with a letter in my hands. I am not sure if I am ready to read this letter and I have no idea what to expect. If I read this letter and it says that she really loved me and I was her world and it is signed by my mother, I guess I would not believe it.
But on the other hand, if I read the letter and she tells me that I was a mistake and she never really love me then I would be devastated. Then I watch as my hands start to shake and I realised that my body wants to get rid of the shock that is in my heart.
But I take a deep breath and then open the letter.
"Dear Brian,
I know that I have not been the best mother in the world and I think it is time that I tell you the truth. I never expected you to come into my life. I remember the days that I was free from any responsibility but then I did something that brought you into my life..."
I stop to read because I never expected her to tell me that she was not a good mother. I did not expect this kind of honesty. I did not expect so much love to jump out of this letter. My heart is beating uncontrollably and I breathe more deeply. Then I continue.
"...every day of my life I wanted to tell you about your dad but all I was allowed to say is that he was the best thing that happened to me but now I am dead and nobody can do something to me. So, I will leave you with this last thought of your dad..."
I feel my mouth starting to dry and I keep my eyes locked on the letter. I read it slowly because I want to take in every last word. I never knew that my mom wanted to tell me something about my dad. Then I read some more.
"...I was on a holiday trip overseas. I went with my best friend. I also lost her over there. She got into a bad accident and for some reason, I do not think it was an accident. We went to this club and I met a man. For many reasons, I can not tell you his name and I think even if I did, it was probably not his name at all..."
The frown on my face is now even more distinguished because everything I am reading is like a movie and something foreign that I do not understand. But I eagerly read some more.
"...I fell head over heels for this man as he was the most gentle and kind man I have ever met. He treated me like a lady and if you knew anything about my family, abuse was well-known. So, for me to meet this man that cared so much about me...I was ready to do anything for him but I noticed that he was severely sick, and upon further investigation, I realized he had a gunshot wound..."
I read it as if it is a fairy tale and I wait for the happy ending. It does not feel like it is my life or if it would even involve me.
"...I was in my first year as a nurse and I immediately took him back to my hotel room. I wanted to get to a doctor but he insists on not seeing one. At that time I did not realize why he did not want to see a doctor but he begged me to help him. I took my first aid kit and started to help him. He was in and out of consciousness and he mumbled a lot of things to me..."
I close the letter because this does not make sense at all. I know that my dad died in an accident. Who is she talking about now? Why would she tell me this? It feels like I just need to stand up and get rid of this frustration that is brewing in my heart.
I walk over to the kitchen where I remember how I had to make my own food many times before. Sometimes, I would go to bed without having any dinner because my mother would just sit there and stare. I take a seat at the counter and then take a deep breath to read some more.
"...finally he lost all consciousness and I remember how I just laid down next to him. I guess he regained consciousness and one thing led to another. All I can say about that night is it was the best of my life. That was the moment that you were created. I did not know it back then. We fell asleep afterward and only moments after we fell asleep, two men burst through our doors..."