Since junior high school, Lilia had no exact priorities in life because of her lack of self-importance. She was taciturn, and in the first three years of elementary school she did not develop relationships with any of her classmates. At one point, two boys her age suddenly began to make fun of her, calling her a stupid overgrowth, apparently bringing up the subject of her being taller than them.
Six-year-old Lilia did not want to answer, because she was afraid of everything she could do. The boys were comparing her to her brother, who went to the same school as her. Responding in silence to every mockery from these kids, she constantly led herself to think that it would not be nice if she hurt someone's feelings.
"My brother is so kind and humble... To somehow follow in his footsteps, I must not offend anyone."
Of the two abusers, one was the most active and periodically bothered her.
"My pen is broken. Give me your pen before I break it, too!"
Lilia didn't dare answer him, which made him seem tougher and tougher. At one point, in a state of bewilderment, Lilia asked him in the hallway why he was hurting her, to which he snapped in a serious manner:
"Who do you think you are? Do you think you're a saint? Go back to your own country, you foreigner.
Slowly, Lilia found herself questioning whether she was right to put up with it.
"We'll be better off if you disappear, you overgrown child!" at one point that child declared.
"Ugh! Don't say that, Ichikawa-kun. It's not like she deserves to be treated that way."
"So what?! You can't actually tell me what to do. Get the hell out of here!"
"Mh... How fierce you are, Ichikawa-kun... I'll tell my parents!"
'They're only doing it for their own good intentions... to make themselves happy. My brother also tries to make people happy, all day long! Can't I do the same? Can't I be anything like my brother...?'
Still, initially no one in particular gave her any trouble except these two boys, but soon their taunting began to please the other children, causing her erudition to be disrupted.
"Poor thing... Does it still not get to her that she is being bullied?" - the girl said one day, whispering to her friends.
"I heard she's the younger sister of Glenn-san, that adorable student."
"Hey, Goldilocks fool! Who did I tell not to walk in our direction and breathe this air with us?"
Lilia stumped herself, losing her sense of self-confidence. Looking nervous and depressed by the endless insults, she could do nothing but run away from school and go home.
'I can't take it anymore... I don't deserve this, this treatment of myself!' desperately she thought to herself, not stopping to run away. When she returned home, she sat down on her bed and huddled against the wall. 'I just can't have a normal relationship... Why is it so hard for me, and why is it so easy for my brother? I mean, we're family... and we're like each other. Then why...trying to make people happy, am I making it worse for myself?'
After tidying himself up in a few hours, young Glenn returned home in the evening. As he entered the kitchen, he saw little Lilia, who was a little shorter than he was, and told her with depressed concern:
"A certain rumor has come to my ears," his voice was still a teenager, but his gentle, possessive tone had been developed since those days. "Aren't you being bullied by your peers?"
Lilia took on a consoling look and humbly replied that they were not.
'Brother, I can't believe it. You don't care about me, because I'm different...I'm worse than you in everything and I've already accepted that fact, so please, I don't want you to feel sorry for me. You are so eager to be like our father. If in this way I can be even a little bit like you...then I will accept everything.'
"Thank you, brother."
Glenn was slightly saddened by her words, for inside himself he didn't understand why he deserved her gratitude. Without picking up the exact answer, he turned abruptly and silently retired to his room, whereupon Lilia was finally aware of her helplessness.
'I will certainly change... I will try to be like you! I will do so many good deeds and cheer up my mother, after which you will no longer be able to turn your back on me. However, I know that I will always look up to you, because you are my idol and perfect in everything, but I will try to follow you and keep up. That's all I want, yes! I'm sure I'm right! I will change...! That's all I want...! I want only... To run away from here...!'
Unable to hold back her tears, she could not hide her despair. Trying to find her best side, the girl decided to become a more positive person and periodically hide this despair she was wallowing in, so she asked her mother to transfer her to another school, wanting to change herself and her community.
She succeeded. Eventually she was able to transfer to a school farther away from home, but where no one knew her, and soon, thanks to her desires, she was facing her peers with optimism. In this way, she was able to find her first girlfriends and her first school year was a success.
'I made it. At this rate, I will soon be able to get rid of my fears and gain the confidence to have a full conversation with my brother! Brother, I so want to talk to you, about everything! You are an unfathomable target for me, but I will do my best... to make you notice me. Brother, I so want to talk to you...!'
Lilia was full of confidence, and a sharp flame of adoration blazed in her eyes.
Soon, however, everything in her routine was turned upside down: the kid who had bullied her at her previous school had transferred to her school and class. When she met him on his first day in class, she found that he appeared to be a completely depressed child who had managed to gain quite a bit of height for his age in the meantime.
"Is that you... Lilia Zaleman?" desolate, he asked her.
"Ichikawa-san..."
Hearing her words, Ichikawa slowly turned his head to the side, then silently sat back in his seat and stepped back.
From then on, Lilia could not find her composure in any way, eventually misunderstanding his distressed state and decision to transfer to another school, which soon made her think to ask him sometime.
Lilia remembered a moment that happened to her at school: after class was over, as Ichikawa was walking through the desks toward the exit, he almost hit Lilia as she stood up from her seat. It was an accident and Ichikawa managed to dodge, but even after Lilia's soft apologies he didn't look better, on the contrary — his face showed open dislike and nervousness, and he abruptly averted his eyes, being enraged.
Lilia was misunderstanding, but the sight of him made her shudder and worry. Ichikawa had no friends at his new school and always went it alone. By this time, they were nine.
Before his last class, Ichikawa became angry with a classmate who clearly had no desire to end their conversation on a quiet note. After the end of the last lesson, as the bitter sunset shone outside, the students were about to go outside.
Hurriedly gathering her things, Lilia, whose age was slightly out of sync with her physics, headed out. Ichikawa and a classmate were waiting for the classroom to be cleared of the other students, and he noticed her pencil case and pen lying on Lilia's desk. Walking down the hall, Lilia decided to look in her bag to see if she had forgotten anything, and realizing she had missed her pen and pencil case, she ran back.
'And I so wanted to catch the new show on TV with my brother today! I should totally zero in on my absent-mindedness.'
As she approached the classroom door, she heard two kids tearing up, and when she decided to see what was going on, she saw an aggressive Ichikawa and their classmate talking about apologizing.
'Maybe...this is my chance to help him? If I gain confidence and save him from this situation, will he be able to stop ignoring me? When I see him, I keep thinking about the last school we both went to... I'm not happy with our current relationship, for I've already decided to let go of the past me.'
Lilia stepped forward and entered the office, then called out loudly to them. They responded sharply, whereupon their classmate asked what she was doing here.
"Goldilocks?" Ichikawa interjected.
Approaching her desk, Ichikawa violently grabbed her pencil case and pen, then threw it in her direction with all his might, but Lilia awkwardly covered her face with her hands.
"Don't interfere, I don't need you in my life yet! You bastard!"
'What...? Is he talking about me?'
"You got me into this mess... Get the hell out of here! You came to get your stuff, didn't you? Well, now get out of here."
There was nothing but hatred on Ichikawa's face, which Lilia couldn't help but notice. Mortified, she was in a stupor, after which the boy added:
"Out of my sight!"
She picked up her pencil case and walked silently away, not daring to look up.
"Fool... What are you in this school for?" her ears heard one last word before the door closed. From that event, Lilia realized there was no way she could change. She had given up the ambition she had and was just beginning to treasure.
'I will always be compared to my brother, no matter what, because I deserve to be treated that way. While I was desperately trying to cure the incurable, my brother was the best at everything... There's no way I could be like him.'
***
One lovely afternoon, during spring break, Lilia's mother suggested that she go grocery shopping at a store near the house. Lilia was always allowed to talk to her mother about everything, which made her feel no tension around the two of them, and it pleased her every time. She valued her mother as much as she valued her desire to move forward, so she was able to talk openly with her.
She always seemed cheerful in front of her mother, and during the grocery shopping trip they talked about chores.
"Mom, have you been such a beauty since you were a little girl?"
"Stop it, Lilia, I'm embarrassed to answer about such topics!" came out her gentle tone of voice, which retained its optimism even after a difficult day at work. "And by the way, even though your face is all from your father, you can see the resemblance to my face in some places, too! Tell me, who would you like to look more like, me or Dad?"
"Hmm, I think I don't care who I look like, because you are both wonderful. I see my father's portrait in your room all the time, so I know his look... Dad is a handsome man."
"I see you would like to talk to him if he were with us?"
"Sure... Dad was a great person and had a lot of experience with a lot of things. I'd like to learn from him."
Her mother was not offended by her words, rather she was even glad to hear them from Lilia.
"Why don't we go to the library and get some books for Glenn after grocery shopping? He was just telling me that his library of books has been completely read by him."
Thinking about it, Lilia lowered her gaze slightly to the bag she was holding with her hands.
"My brother is well-read, he makes time for his loved ones and self-development, too..."
"Mom, I want to read a book, too."
Mother, surprised, enthused, "Of course, my dear...! You can choose any one you wish to read! It will not be a problem if you wish to know the world through books, for for your sake I am willing to spend anything."
Lilia rejoiced, "And an ice cream..."
"No problem!"
"My mother is the best!"
Mom was happy to hear those words from her lips.
'Isaac... Do you think I'm a great mom to them...? They lack a father's love, Isaac, but I can handle that too. I would do anything for them.'
"Your golden hair came from Dad... My dear, do you like it?"
"It stands out too much. Honestly, I wouldn't want to stand out too much, because I don't deserve much attention at all."
'Hear that, Isaac...? That girl is growing up just like you, just like you used to be. Beloved... you're the luckiest man in the world.'