The next day Ryou, after school, got some fresh air outside and bought soda from a vending machine, and decided to stop by the literature club's office. When he opened the door, he immediately noticed the silhouette of Yumiko sitting by the desk. Her humble appearance reassured him, and he sat down across from her.
Yumiko, noticing him smiling, smiled.
"Ryou-kun."
"Where are the others?"
She fastened a sheet of paper and a thin bookmark to the book so she wouldn't forget which page she'd read to.
"I don't know, but as I recall, Akiko didn't come to school today because of her friend's birthday."
"Strange, it's been less crowded around here lately. I guess Tomoyuki-kun wasn't feeling well today, for I haven't seen him yet."
"Yes, it would be nice to get together in this place," she replied with a slight smile on her face.
"Yumiko-chan, have you thought about the fact that we might all be separated soon and our routine communication will come to an abrupt halt after graduation...?"
"I don't know... I can't predict the future, but I certainly wouldn't wish that outcome. At the moment my mind is fully engaged in education."
"Involved... Why do you care so much about that?"
"Life doesn't end after high school. Work, living, higher education... it's like a separate iceberg to think about."
"It's not as hard as you expect. The fun at the same rhythm will be present in the lives of university students, because this time of life is the most important for people to get closer to the world. I don't think there's any cause for concern."
"But still..." she stammered, almost talking about the difficulties in her family and why she had to mess around for the sake of going to university.
"Especially since parental help is mandatory, for no adult life is without initial capital to get by. Given that we have no capital, and no one will allow us to work all the time, at most as an assistant, parents must play a key role."
So there is no limit to Yumiko's excitement. Her mother, who can't stand Yumiko's presence in her life, didn't even count as a parent in her condition, and her daughter didn't want to count on her father abandoning the family to his fate, even though their relationship was more trusting.
"It had to do," Yumiko said, "with family circumstances..."
She had complexes about her personal life that made her not tell anyone who her parents were. Not even to her devoted friends.
"The thing is, after getting a decent education, I would try my best to move away from my family. I've been pursuing this since I was a little girl, and this goal is a guiding star for me."
"There's no way parents don't help their children!" Ryou objected.
He was sure that no child had lived his life worse than he had as a kid. Ryou, counting on no one but his sister, proclaimed himself since then to be the only one unlucky enough to be a minor.
"I do have such problems! That's why it's important for me to attend university, perhaps even abroad, just so I don't have to see..."
Mother's face.
"Nothing can have more serious consequences," the guy contradicted her again, "than life's problems. But I don't understand why you're so critical of your personal family life. There are people who have serious marital problems, but they live without worries because they are sure of themselves. There can't be any headaches if things aren't so bad in life!"
With that, he wanted to express his displeasure in the direction of her thinking, underneath his words criticizing her unnecessary excitement. He was infuriated, but not because Yumiko was portraying an unhappy person from the outside, but because she was underestimating herself.
"Ryou-kun, I know what I'm getting at, so don't worry..."
"How can I not worry!" Ryou stood up from his chair, losing his composure. "Yumiko-chan, is education really all that matters to you?"
He seemed testy, and, lowering his tone of voice, anxiously added: "Wait, Answer me, what is most important to you in life: the future you aspire to, or the free space for personal thoughts and entertainment?"
Ryou realized at one point that he himself didn't know what he was talking about, but his thoughts were flowing outward in a stream, as if to spew out all his accumulated emotions.
"Don't you care at all about your surroundings?"
With his high and misunderstood tone, the young man gave Yumiko an ultimatum that left her stunned.
'The answer for me is obvious — getting an education and moving away from my mother I consider paramount to a happy life.'
But Yumiko simply could not express it. She was afraid, afraid of being laughed at. Laughing at people, friends, and even at her surroundings was something she would not tolerate, because she knew she was incapable of maintaining mental stability. Her unloved mother and her failed life pressured her, and four friends from the literary club brought light and warmth to her dull life, removing her from thoughts about her lack of direction. This hearth of warmth she did not want to lose.
"Ryou-kun, don't be angry...! Surely I can combine both friends and time-consuming studies!"
"Are we keeping you from concentrating on your studies and getting a prestigious education...? If this has been so important to you since childhood, then we must be wasting your time?"
"No...! That's not the point at all!"
'I can't tell them that I only see my bright future in going to university, and that education is more important to me than anything else. But why can't I say so? If I were that Yumiko from my early school days, I could give a gratuitous answer without worrying about my social stability...'
"I don't think renouncing my future studies would be a good idea, but I'm not going to leave you behind either...! It's just... I've lived my whole life studying...".
'It's definitely not self-inflicted, am I right? Not lying to myself, is it?'
Yumiko fell silent. Ryou, after hearing his friend's point of view, finally began to slowly come to his senses. The schoolgirl couldn't find the right words to soothe his temper at that moment, so she slumped her shoulders.
"I see," Ryou said frustrated. "Please forgive my ridiculous act," and moved toward the exit.
Yumiko saw fit not to make a sound, for she did not know for sure how the young man felt or how he would have reacted.
"I'm retiring back to the schoolroom," he added lastly, and apologized again.
'What do I really want?' she continued to think to herself, alienated by her divergent ideals. 'I have lived and continue to live only by studying, but something has changed dramatically in my life that I could not have expected; it was only a fantasy to me. I live my life of study, for I see my future in it, and I should not think of anything else, for I see no benefit in it in the near future. But I think I am deeply mistaken... What has changed in me?'
Ryou stepped out into the hallway and ran to his school office, with a mournful expression on his face. His heart was pounding at such a speed that he could hear nothing but those beats.
'What a fool I am, I said some nonsense and didn't watch my mouth... Now she's sure to hate me... I wish too hard for something that can't depend on me, and it's played tricks on me. Idiot.'
Yumiko was still sitting in the same pose, continuing to comprehend the consequences of what had happened:
'After all, I accepted who I wanted to be from the beginning, but not hiding my sincere feelings, which I kept to myself for a long time, from others does not work for me. I feel sad, but then why can't I just cry like an ordinary girl, not hiding my emotions? Why do I keep taking a step back?'
"How come?" she covered her flushed face with her hair. "Friends...or studies? The choice is obvious to me, isn't it...? I can't change anything, it's time to accept that fact again. After all, the most important thing for me is to be free of my burden."
And in this liberation she saw only a bright future, subordinate as a result of the training and knowledge she had gained. This foundation of thinking, undiminished by any emotion, had been fixed since childhood, but lately it had been cracked.
***
The torment did not let go of Ryou even when he found himself at home. No extraneous sounds came to his ears, not from the people in front of him on the bus, nor from other pedestrians passing by. Lying on the warm bed, familiar as his own, he, bewildered by his misunderstanding, pounded angrily on the mattress and screamed into the pillow in an uncontrollable rush of emotion so that no one would hear him.
He wasn't going to let his friends go, that's all. Could he have had a different opinion of them, like a negative one? Of course not. He wondered if Yumiko thought the same, because how else would she have continued to keep in touch with them in common. By a coercive method? Yumiko is incapable of forcing herself to do something she doesn't like — of that the young man was certain.
"I shouldn't be so irresponsible anymore. I owe it to all of us to present pleasant memories of our last school days. And my wish is just to see the joy on Yumiko-chan's face."
Meanwhile, Yumiko was home. She was sitting on the floor with her back against the door of her room. Her hair mussed, a long sweater falling carelessly from her shoulders.
'Which will bring me more happiness — spending time with my friends, or would I prefer to chase a bright future? For me, this future, to which I am building a ladder, used to be associated with leaving my home and going to a glorious university, but could I have guessed that this future would also have room for close friends?'
She awoke early in the morning, not having had a good night's sleep. Slowly opening her eyes, she tasted the bitter taste of post-sleep relaxation.
'I didn't even think I'd have that much trouble deciding.'
After she had time to change her clothes and wash her face, she made herself breakfast in the form of scrambled eggs and black tea.
Her mother was snoozing with impunity on the couch in the hall room.
'And anyway, why did Ryou rush at me and start asking such strange things?'
A childish incomprehension flashed in Yumiko's eyes. After making herself some tea, she sat down in her chair and began to stir with a spoon.
'He didn't seem so emotional before, maybe I hurt his feelings? It's not like I said anything so he could get mad at me, though...'
Sighing, she began to eat her breakfast carefully.
'Maybe it's because he's afraid of losing the bond between us and was surprised when he imagined my possible withdrawal from our social circle? I would never...'
Yumiko's hands trembled.
'If I could give up on you, I wouldn't risk it... I don't want to lose the connection between you either.'
After finishing her breakfast, she closed herself in her room and sat in front of the mirror, observing her neglected state.
'If I don't bother to take responsibility for myself, I will feel helpless, and what will be the point of my zeal for free will? I prefer a very different carefree life, so also the promise I have made to myself I am obliged to keep, and I cannot put my freedom in the hands of others... Could it be that I'm imagining things and exaggerating? What if Ryou-kun didn't mean any of what I was thinking, and I misunderstood and was worried about something else entirely... But he made me remember what I live for and keep moving forward, and for that I thank him.'
Yumiko, gathering her thoughts together, gained confidence. Gathering her hair into a ponytail with a rubber band, she lay down tiredly on her bed.
'At the same time, I shudder to notice how our friendship is winding down... These are my first and only friends in my entire life, and I categorically cannot give up on you or stop conforming to you... I...am addicted to our friendship. Friendship is the most precious thing in the world to me...! But I don't have to rely on you and your feelings. Independence is what I really want from our relationship. Let me be only one dependent, but I want us to remain independent... for that is the way to a happy life.'
Yumiko slowly closed her eyes. Her perception took in that her room was delightfully quiet, allowing her to relax.
'I'll have to call my brother and get his opinion, as well as apologize to Ryou at school...'
She felt sleepy. Without resisting, she fell asleep like a child tired after a waste of energy.
***
The humdrum routine of school was merciless. Obliged to study, albeit with obvious reluctance, students came to school, entered their classrooms, and sat at their desks, waiting for the last recess.
Yumiko came to school a little early, which caused her to wait for the beginning of the first lesson in the circle room. Akiko and Tomoyuki seemed to have overslept the alarm clock, and the general chat room flooded with messages about how they were rushing as fast as they could to school.
Soon Ryou entered the club, too, and was surprised by her presence. Giving the young man a quick glance, Yumiko cautiously rose from her chair and bowed her head in greeting. Ryou was still feeling awkward after yesterday, so he timidly said hello to her.
"You don't usually come to school early," he squeezed his soft tone of voice out of his mouth cautiously.
"There was nothing to do at home, and being with my mother was not something I wanted to do."
"Ah, I see..."
It struck him how Yumiko looked as calm as usual, causing him to wonder if he was worrying in vain.
"It seems that Akiko and Tomoyuki should be coming soon, too," she added happily.
Ryou still stood at the door. Regret never left him. Neither he nor she wanted the others to know what had happened. Especially Ryou would have been embarrassed in front of Glenn.
"I'm sor—" he stuttered, embarrassed, "...sorry. I overreacted yesterday."
"I should apologize to you too, I didn't think my words would hurt your feelings much. It was my fault."
"N-no need to..." he averted his eyes to the side. "I showed my hateful temper. I shouldn't have gotten personal. You are very dear to me, so . don't cut me off!"
His husky voice exclaimed all regret while showing his sincerity. Yumiko's ears perked up as she heard his sweet speech, and She blushed at the sight of him sweetly rubbing her palms together.
"Really, it's no big deal! I'm worried about our friendship, too. I've had so many positive experiences and seen so many things, all because of your concern! I'd like to continue to be with you, so...let's do everything together to keep our current relationship going?"
"Oh-definitely I agree...! Thank you, I'm pleased to hear that you share my excitement.... you're delightful."
"Not at all. Ryou-kun, I'm just an ordinary girl..."
Ryou finally walked over to the table and placed his briefcase on it. The two of them sat down and tried to start a conversation in a different direction. Forgetting about the past was a goal both were aiming for, and the first thing they did was change the subject to something fun.
Akiko and Tomoyuki, who were merrily chatting, came through the door, cutting them off in mid-sentence. Akiko glanced over at Ryou and Yumiko sitting there, then waved optimistically.
"What have you been up to?"
"Expecting you to come."
"Oh, Yumiko-chan, are Aki-chan and I really such business people?" Tomoyuki boasted in a stagey way, and pounced on Yumiko with open arms.
The girl didn't mind the affection, so she reciprocated, cringing.
Ryou was embarrassed by his sudden escapade, which he couldn't afford. Tomoyuki looked at him, not taking his hands off Yumiko, and stuck his tongue out, teasing his friend.