The flip calendar that was in Tomoyuki's house showed March 31, and the time was three o'clock in the afternoon. The overcast weather outside paired with gray thick clouds painted the city's outskirts a dull color.
Tomoyuki came to an unfinished block, where he made his way to the five-story building where the hooligan trio always met. His slightly flustered appearance spoke of his uncertainty, but, gathering his will into a fist, he slowly made his way up to the top floor.
When he reached it, he saw three close friends waiting for him. They came up to him and shot festive confetti at his face, congratulating him loudly on his birthday. Tomoyuki was touched by this and he could barely hold back the tears.
"Come on, what are you so upset about? Haven't you ever celebrated a birthday before?"
"No, I've…only celebrated birthdays with my grandmother. This is my first experience."
Joy flashed on Takashi's face, "I see. So this birthday will be your most memorable one yet!"
Celebrating their birthday, they didn't do much because Jiahao promised that later they would go to a bar and book a VIP lounge for a full celebration. Takashi took out a pack of cigarettes and gave one each to Jiahao and Makoto, remembering to take one for himself as well. He purposely let them light up first, and then he lit one himself.
Tomoyuki, being distressed, asked him for a cigarette.
"Hmm? Are you sure? This could be your point of no return."
Tomoyuki dared to smoke the first cigarette of his life, and Takashi could not refuse him a new experience.
After a while, unexpectedly, Tomoyuki told them that he had a surprise for them and asked them to wait. He looked worried, but they agreed.
There was a light wind blowing outside. The clouds kept thickening, preceding a downpour.
As he was going downstairs, Tomoyuki wondered, 'Thank you very much… and I'm sorry. I won't be able to bear it if I stay with you on the fifth floor, because I'm not that strong. I don't have the confidence.'
In an instant he crossed paths with Tamaki, who was walking up the stairs facing him. Without looking at each other, they continued onward.
'As I pondered the plan of action each time, I realized that there was no way I could have created such a shock myself. I wouldn't have had the strength. But I couldn't change my mind, because it would have been foolish to turn away after all the time I'd spent with you. No matter how sinful you are, no matter how many mistakes you've made, you'll always remain in my memory as friends that I had fun with. Takashi-kun, thank you for meeting me, because without you I wouldn't have been able to learn self-defense and finally become a better version of myself.'
Farther down the stairs, his petrified gaze was directed straight ahead. He couldn't think of anything else but despair.
'I promise that I will henceforth enjoy a carefree life and start afresh, just as I have wanted since long ago. You have moved me forward, and thanks to you I finally understand what it is to live.'
When he came down to the first floor, he sat down on the last step and pressed his body against his knees.
"I will be the embodiment of your best intentions that never came out. Thank you…and goodbye."
"Who am I kidding?!" he soon proclaimed aloud. "What kind of farewell is this if I haven't even had time to say good-bye to them? I was short of strength again… Shouldn't I stop? But there's nowhere else to turn. No. It's my choice to take responsibility…"
Tamaki, pacing with his hands in his pockets, went up to the top floor and saw three guys staring blankly at the sky. There was nothing but dislike on his face, and stepping a meter toward them, he called out to them.
They suddenly heard a familiar voice that did not belong to Tomoyuki, and turning around they found Tamaki.
"No one wants to be involved in trouble," Tomoyuki muttered, quoting Takashi's words in one of their conversations. "I think you said that to me when I decided to stand up for you in a stupid fight. I wonder… when you said that to me, were you in agreement with your opinion?"
The faces of the bully trio scowled in disbelief. The only one who soon regained his composure was Makoto, who in turn realized what was going on.
"Uh-oh!" Tamaki smirked angrily, staring at them with all the nervousness he could muster. "You weren't expecting to see me at all? How awful…not inviting me to the feast."
"What the hell are you doing here?!" Takashi appealed.
"You seem to be in a quandary! Has the hour come… I've been waiting for this for years!"
Tamaki's face gradually showed hysterical joy.
"Where is Tomoyuki?"
"He's gone," Tamaki said playfully, "following the sunlight that disappeared into the embrace of the clouds."
"Hey, don't mess with me!" Takashi threatened him, clenching his fists, and Rio strengthened his shoulders as well.
"You seem to be in a quandary! Has the hour come… I've been waiting for this for years!"
Tamaki's face gradually showed hysterical joy.
"Where is Tomoyuki?"
"He's gone," Tamaki said playfully, "following the sunlight that disappeared into the embrace of the clouds."
"Hey, don't mess with me!" Takashi threatened him, clenching his fists, and Jiahao strengthened his shoulders as well.
Then Tamaki abruptly drew a silver revolver from his pocket and aimed it at them. The guys' frozen look of horror amused him, causing him to grab his other hand to his face.
"Where did you get a...revolver? Bastard, what's on your mind?!"
Takashi's heart pounded deafeningly at an unbearable rate.
"Did the sun wash you out?" Tamaki retorted. "It seems your brain is completely leaking. I have come on behalf of all the valiant to cleanse the sins you have committed. It's easier to say, killing monsters."
"Do you…think yourself merciful? In that case, kindly disappear."
Takashi tried his best to appear stern; when he noticed a calm Makoto to his right, he became suspicious of something. Jiahao became anxious.
"Makoto!" the brown-eyed fellow shouted. "Why are you so calm? Answer me!! Do you know anything?"
Makoto showed no emotion, and casting his eyes over Takashi said:
"I'm sorry, but why are you complaining? It's not what you wanted all along, is it?"
"W-what… What the hell are you talking about?"
"I was only doing my duty," Makoto looked over at Tamaki.
Takashi couldn't believe his ears. His senses dulled.
***
"What other joint death are you talking about?!" Tomoyuki shrieked during his first full conversation with Makoto on the bench.
"Hey! Don't yell so loud. I'm convinced that Takashi has really started to think you're one of us, so I'm not going to hide anything else and reveal all the cards."
"There are things unknown to me…?"
"Has Takashi told you about our precious dream? Soon he will have to tell you about his past, and about the dream too, if he wants to. Then be assured that the conversation between you will turn out to be a pre-death conversation."
"A pre-death conversation? Does that really mean that—"
"As a matter of fact, it's going to backfire. Takashi overestimates himself and will never kill himself because neither he nor any of us have the guts to pull the trigger. Jiahao initially refused to shoot, and asked to be killed first so he wouldn't see the horror."
For Makoto, the idea of suicide as atonement for sins from old times seemed foolish, which also made him refuse to shoot. He explained that he would join if the group atonement for sins really happened, because his place was only with Takashi and Jiahao.
"Forgive me, Tomoyuki-kun, for Takashi's untruthful bravery. I would like to ask one thing of you… you'll do it, won't you? Kill the three of us when our dream comes true."
"You… have gone completely mad."
"We have long since crossed the line between common sense and insanity. The ideal society is one in which there are no people like us. I'm sure both Takashi and Jiahao would agree with me."
"I'm not going to get my hands dirty — they will put me in jail and my life will be ruined."
"The rite of atonement must be done," Makoto insisted. "It is inevitable, otherwise there is no justice in this world."
Makoto's sullen look surprised the young man — he couldn't believe Makoto would say such a thing. Whoever, but certainly not him, who was the least bit loyal to reason.
"I would never do such a thing," Tomoyuki finally said, "but I assure you that I can find a way out of the situation. If that's your decision, and that's what you're aiming for..."
"Thank you."
The way out was Tamaki, whom he met again a few days after his conversation with Makoto. The conversation turned out to be much darker than Tomoyuki thought, and as a result, Tamaki revealed his cards, saying that he had always dreamed of ending Takashi and his friends and finding peace by taking revenge on them. Tomoyuki became his bridge to fulfill his desires.
However, Tamaki began to suspect that the guy was thus eliminating potential criminals, but Tomoyuki proved otherwise by plausibly telling him that he hated the bully trio with all his soul for what they had done to him, and attaching to his words the evidence he had invented shortly before the conversation.
During the course of the conversation, Tomoyuki noticed the hysteria that came over Tamaki when he learned of the joint plan to kill the three sinners, after which he realized that Tamaki was emotionally unstable.
He seemed to have reached this state precisely because of despair, and his psyche had collapsed. Of course, it wasn't his fault, because it was Takashi and the other bullies who had made him like this, which gave Tomoyuki an excuse to use him without much trouble.
"What will you do," Tomoyuki wondered, "if the police catch you?"
"What do you care? That's what you intend, isn't it, for me to send them to hell quickly. In any case, I won't reveal my association with you, for it is of my own free will and no one has imposed anything on me."
"Where will you run away to?"
"I'll hide in a cozy little place. Do you really think my life will be saved? I'll be found, and that's a fact. You have nothing to worry about, and I won't regret what I did, either, if they send me to the penal colony."
At their subsequent meetings they discussed the plan, and at the last one Tomoyuki handed him a copy of a certain key.
"This is the key to the basement where the revolver is kept. It is hidden in the wall of the last room — I drew a sign on the wall beforehand to make it easier for you to find the treasure."
Tamaki did not ask any questions. In honor of mutual trust, he removed the lenses from his right eye. Tomoyuki saw a truly unpleasant sight: the teenager's right eye was cloudy, having lost its natural color.
"It has to do with glaucoma," Tamaki clarified, not removing his smile. "After a while it will go cloudy and I will lose the vision in my right eye."
"But… why are you showing me this?"
"Loyalty means everything, ain't you the one to know that?"
In the end, the plan was clearly laid out until the very end. For Tomoyuki, however, it was unclear whether he would be able to avoid going to jail after this, because if something went wrong, his life would be over.
When the finishing touch was left, Tamaki asked him:
"How much do you hate them? Just answer honestly, for we are going to end the case on your birthday. I understand that you have chosen this date, for the weather will be fine by then, but…"
"They deserve to die," Tomoyuki's firm tone revealed outwardly, blinding Tamaki to respect. Deep within himself, hidden from other senses, something awakened. Tomoyuki was sincere in his words.
***
On the roof of the building, Jiahao, reflecting, finally understood how this happened.
"Tomoyuki-kun decided to do it for us."
Takashi, who heard his words, thought that Tomoyuki had planned the whole situation long ago, and that Makoto was involved in some way.
"He decided our fate for us," Jiahao clarified, and Takashi thought as well.
"I'm sorry…" Makoto muttered, lowering his pitying gaze. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry…"
'Here's the thing,' thought Takashi. 'Tomoyuki-kun, you fool. You're going to have to carry the heavy responsibility of a lifetime.'
A resigned smile appeared on Takashi's face.
Meanwhile, Tomoyuki was spraying the first floor, the stairs, and himself to conceal his presence. It began to rain, whose scent reminded him of his distant childhood.
'I don't doubt you, however. You can handle it. I wouldn't, because I'm weak. No matter how strong I look to the weak, I will always be weaker than those who are sure of themselves.'
Glancing at Tamaki, he wondered if Tomoyuki had managed to use him and convince him to shoot. That was how the teenager could leave no trace of himself.
"Commendable, I say," Takashi smirked. "Did that dumbass send you here? Trying to seem strong just by threatening me with a gun? You don't seem to have changed at all."
"That's not for you to say," said an irritated Tamaki. "I'd be thinking about surviving if I were you. Come on, pull the strings of fate — ask me for mercy!"
"Just like that. So things have turned out your way, Tomoyuki-kun.'
"Jiahao-kun, Makoto-kun, we can finally have peace."
Jiahao nodded: "He doesn't seem to be joking."
"I'm sorry… I'm sorry…"
"Don't apologize, you did what you had to do."
"I'll meet you in hell," Jiahao grinned, "the bastard Takashi and no worse than him, the scumbag Makoto."
"You're one to talk."
They turned to Tamaki, tired of their interpretations. A look of confidence appeared on their faces, for they could finally atone for their sins.
"It gives me joy," said Takashi, "that this place has become our home, our home. And you, Tamaki, where do you think you belong?"
"Alas, I have no interest in associating with corpses."
'Finally,' Tamaki thought fervently, grabbing his hair. 'Now I can have my cherished revenge…! May these sinful beasts go to hell and suffer there for the rest of their lives!'
"Tamaki-chan," Takashi reduced his euphoria to nothing. "I'll see you in hell, jerk, for that's where you belong."
These words were the final straw for Tamaki's perception.
With his eyes downcast, Tomoyuki advanced toward the exit of the building. Picking up the bag from which he had gotten the spray earlier, he pulled out a gray umbrella. It was raining so hard that literally every drop that fell on the hard surface resounded.
His ears heard three loud consecutive shots. He unconsciously let them sound past his ears. These sounds of gunshots could only be heard by those in the unfinished block. However, there were no security cameras or guards on the block.
'By deceiving people, you deceive yourself,' he was thoughtfully about to leave the building. 'No matter how good Takashi, Jiahao, and Makoto seem, they are still hypocrites and two-faced people who have always been driven by greed. This is a universal fact from which there is no hiding. I turned out to be a friend of their surroundings, breaking their barriers and leaving my presence in their memories; even as I came to realize that for me the whole world had always seemed gray and somber.'
Lifting his eyes, he stepped with an umbrella over the threshold. He saw in his eyes a world composed solely of gray tones.
He had never seen bright colors until he met Takashi, but that line was broken, too. Nothing was permanent.
That day was the last of his old life, and he decided to start a new, brighter one, with all the effort and experience he had gained in all that time. He promised himself that he would never again do anything that amounted to sin, but he was not determined to let go of the responsibility he had taken on since that day.
***
The court found Tamaki Miyamura guilty and, according to eyewitness accounts, began to try Tomoyuki Yamashita for complicity. Although Tamaki had previously claimed Tomoyuki's innocence, the words of the remaining dozen witnesses to their school life soon settled everything. According to all of them, Tomoyuki was the scapegoat of the murdered bullies and went along with them out of a sense of self-preservation.
There was also evidence that Tomoyuki was only in the middle of the events, making him just as much a victim of the incidents involving the bullies.
A report was soon attached to the case that no trace of Tomoyuki's complicity was found, after which the long trial ended in favor of the teenager. But why? How did the case close on an unfinished note, why was no more news announced, and why did the court decide without hesitation to close the inquiry?
Tomoyuki was no longer a case. By mid-April, the case was closed without publicity and all charges were dropped.
There were rumors about him at school that he was being tried for his complicity in a highly publicized incident involving the shooting of three high school students, but those rumors quickly faded away.
Upon returning home, Tomoyuki saw his grandmother, who had been worried about him all morning, and when she heard the results, she cried. Tomoyuki made a promise to himself not to get involved in such events in the future, so as not to see a single drop of tears on the face of his only remaining parent.