Beep….. Beep... (phone vibrates)
"Hello" I said without opening my eyes as the sun was too bright for me to handle. My head is spanking me from yesterday's heavy drinks that I took, don't know why.
" Inne, my beautiful bitch, I got. I finally got it. I told you my drunk brain works better than my sober brain."
"Get what James? Ugh the migraine will almost killing me"
" The way to get that bastard on his knees. Come to the Alita café sharp at 1pm Okay ?" "Anyway, where are you?"
" Okay, I'll be there. God knows what you're thinking." "I am sleeping in my…"(I said opening my eyes and looked around only to realize its not my room)
It's not my room. Not my house. Where the freaking hell am I ? Oww, the windows are too big. There was a telephone beside the bed.
It's a hotel.
What am I doing in a hotel? I looked at myself under the blanket. Nothing.
I was wearing nothing.
Naked.
I turned my head a bit sideways and there was another man beside me. A MAN. A freaking HUMAN BEING. Did I just have a one night stand? I couldn't see his face as he was sleeping on his stomach, face dug inside the pillow. And I don't remember anything.
"Hollyshit," I whispered.
"What happened?" James asked still on the phone.
" Uhh umm actually…..( he was moving. The human being beside me was moving) James, I'm a bit busy right now I'll call you later. Bye." I finished my sentence almost whispering and hung up immediately without even waiting for his reply.
Please don't wake up. Please.
Let me leave first. Not now.
Not ready for this sort of event yet.
Please.
And maybe god did listen to my begging and he didn't wake up all he did was to turn sideways.
Nope.
Still can't see his face.
I slowly slip out of the bed. Wore my clothes. Gather my belongings. And then, he moved again. Why the fuck is he moving so much. But this time I saw his face.
And immediately my hands went to my mouth covering it up. It's the guy from the club yesterday. The almost puking guy.
Fuck
I took my belongings and somehow managed to leave the room. The moment I got out, I ran. Like I was running for my life. Maybe I was.
"Taxi?" waving my hand, I called one.
" Linden street, Brooklyn, please." I told the taxi driver while getting on it.
You are not a stupid dumbass to sleep around with people whom you met for first and don't even know their name. How can you do that Inessa?
C'mon what's wrong with doing that. At Least you deserve it after being so crappy and loyal to your beloved cheater boyfriend. Mini me is awake.
No, no, one night stand with a stranger is the last thing I would want to do ever. How can I do that? And fuck I don't remember anything. Did he use a condom? I guess he did but I didn't see any wrapper there.
You are on pill. So stop freaking out.
Sometimes it's surprising to see how a part of you is the one who always makes you calm down. Mini me is that part of me which I have tried my best to hide in me. Because once when I didn't, the ending wasn't good. The feeling wasn't good. I was scared, mini me was scared. Nothing traumatic. Just something that builds with time and now nobody but only me who can listen to her and see her in me. So the only time she comes out is when we are alone. When I am alone.
Reaching my apartment I threw away whatever I was wearing into the washing machine, took a shower, meditated, had my breakfast and a very strong black coffee. To wake me up and get back to my daily life.
Sitting on my couch.
A lot happened within the last 24hours. I found out that my longtime boyfriend is cheating on me with a blonde lady. If he was so much into blonde then why on earth did he date a brown hair girl for almost 5years now. Had an one night stand with a guy whom I scolded the shit out of him for flirting with me which I don't think he was doing since I am sober now. And my very best friend is planning the death of my ex-boyfriend ( oh shit we haven't broken up yet and he don't know that I know whatever he doesn't want me to know) or my boyfriend's and waiting for my arrival to execute the plan. I am scared and nervous. But lowkey excited that somebody does give a shit about my broken heart.
I looked at the clock and it's 12:03 p.m. and left for the Alita café. I don't have to work today or to say I got a pay leave after executing a profitable plan with one of our VIP customers which made my boss very pleased and granted me a day off. How beautiful. Normally it makes me feel the happiest person alive and honestly while working on my projects this is the only thing I look forward to. But this time it wasn't doing any effect on me. I felt blank, scared, embarrassed and a lot more emotion rolled up and came to me as an anxiety attack.
And I burst out into tears. This time I knew why these tears were rolling down my eyes but most of the time I never knew.
I hate it. Hate to cry.
Every time it happens I make it look like it never happened. Erased it from my eyes as it never existed. And funny fact I am not the only one.
You hate when people see you cry
because you want to be that strong girl.
And every time you cry alone
You cry for the stupidest reason,
because the real reason has been
bottled up for way too long.
(To be continued.)