Darkness gave way to light as if someone had just pulled on a black curtain to finally let the soft light of the sun filter in. The first thing that I became aware of was that I was back in my body, but there was no physical pain, which astounded me. The second was that I had landed in some kind of field and I was currently facing a humongous apple tree, and the third was that the beautiful glen where I was standing was bathed by nice and warm sunlight.
I began to turn around on my axis, and I was overtaken for a moment by the beauty of the place. Aside from the intense sunshine, the ground was covered by deep-green grass and a smattering of white and yellow flowers, a softly-scented breeze ruffled the branches of the enclosing nearby pine trees, which formed a sort of ring all around the glen, and there was the sound of birdsong all around me.
A sense of peace overtook my soul and for a second, I forgot the reason why I was here. However, when I finished my circle, I looked at the apple tree once more and was struck by what I saw; the sunlight did not penetrate the branches to reach the ground, which explained why there was not a single speck of grass, or any other living plant, growing anywhere under it, and the tree's branches and its fruit, looked really sickly as if they were being devoured from within by something. I also became aware of the fact that the ground underneath the tree was covered by fallen apples that looked really awful.
I couldn't hide my astonishment and I began to wonder about what I was seeing. My sense of peace vanished and deep inside I knew that what I was witnessing here was truly important.
I had become so absorbed by my wandering mind that I had forgotten to pay any attention to anything in my surroundings, except for the sight of the tree before me. This is why, when my eyes finally caught the sudden appearance of a shadow, I almost jumped into the air and my head turned as fast as a striking snake towards it. I almost fell on my bottom when I came face-to-face with three young, beautiful, and smiling men, who had, I might add for sure, materialized from thin air since I had not seen or heard anyone approaching me.
"I must say, miss, that you seem kind of lost. Maybe we can help?" one of the men asked suddenly as I just stared at them, my mind still too shocked to do anything other than being frozen. And, instead of answering, or even asking who they were, as I should have, I just simply kept gawking and wondering.
"Miss, are you okay? We are so sorry to have crept on you like this, but we were walking around, and we saw you just standing here and staring up at that dead-looking apple tree. Could we, maybe, help you?" another of the men asked again as he approached me slowly, and with concerned-looking eyes.
I stared some more at the man who had approached me, and at the same time that I asked myself who these men were, I said: "I have no idea where I am."
As soon as I realized what I had just said, I felt really stupid and all my senses returned to me. Seriously? I had just been surprised by three men, who had come from out of nowhere, and all I could say was that I did not know where I was?
But the men did not laugh at me, or make fun of me, in any way or form. In fact, I detected compassion in them and also something that completely baffled me; understanding. It was almost as if these weird men, who were staring intently at me not only knew who I was but also what I had been through. I know it sounded bonkers, and I probably was going crazy now too, but that is exactly what I felt when I continued studying the stares of the three strangers.
Then suddenly one of them said: "Don't worry, what truly matters is where you are going, and what it is that you are seeking. Could you tell us that? Maybe we could point you in the right direction."
The truth was that somewhere along the line, it seemed I had lost my capacity to think; or so I thought. What did I respond to those questions? I know that in what I had thought was the process of dying I had cried out desperately for someone to save me and that my soul had been almost begging for someone to respond to its cries for forgiveness and redemption. But never in a million years could I have ever even dreamed that something like what was happening right now could happen, and much less that there was anywhere for a dying soul to go to. So, how could I tell anyone where I was going? I was supposed to be dying or dead, not enjoying a sunlit glen with a dying apple tree in the presence of three good-looking, but weird, young men.
"I... uhm.. sorry but, who are you?" was my smartest question, and the only thing I could say, in response to the man who had last spoken to me.
The men looked at one another and then directed their gaze at me. They smiled suddenly, and I could not help but start to analyze and study them. The three were really tall and young, maybe around 20 or 25 years of age, and they seemed almost identical in their appearances. However, there was also something strange about these guys; although physically you could not tell them apart, there was a sense, maybe, of maturity, or their essence, I could not say for sure, that made them different from one another. It felt almost like copied paintings, where the second versions were very similar to the original but there were minute and almost untraceable differences between them. Another thing that really struck a chord within me was the sense of closeness and companionship that these men radiated. Despite being lost, and feeling the way I was feeling, I was also attracted immediately to that aura that came from these three guys.
"My name is Abraham," the first man in the side-by-side line the guys had formed said. "And it was I who started it all. I AM the mature one of this group," he continued, laughing. I did not, of course, return the gesture, as I was still grappling with all that was happening.
"My name is Emmanuel, and I AM the hard-working one of this bunch, the one for whom it all began," the second man announced, his manners and gestures telling me that he was the most carefree of the three.
"And I AM Michael, the one who guides all. Without me, you could be sure these two would be lost," the third man said softly, his eyes staring deeply into mine, which made me feel all uncomfortable, as it seemed that he was able to see much more than what was on the surface. And I definitely did not want anyone to see into the real me.
"Do you have a family name to go by? My name is Emily Summers, by the way," I said, suddenly realizing that I had demanded to know their identities, but I had not offered any to them. I felt ashamed; I may have been many things, but discourteous was not one of them. Also, I realized that somewhere along the few moments of conversation I had shared with these men, I had started to feel more comfortable with them and I could not truly explain why; I was not precisely the most trusting of women.
"Yeah, we do. We are three... you could say brothers?" the guy called Abraham said while I saw the other two looking at each other and smiling conspiratorially as if there was a secret hidden within the word "brother". I could not tell what it was, but there was something just beneath the surface of these three men that connected to a part of me and attracted me to them, even if I was sure I had never seen them before. There was also a sense of mystery surrounding them, not just in the words, but also in the way that I saw them relating to one another; it was a mystery that called to me and awakened my curiosity immensely.
"And, believe it or not," the guy continued, pulling me out of my thoughts, "our surname is IAM. And no, I am not pulling your leg, before you ask," Abraham said with a smile.
"I...AM? As in, the two words? Who in the world has such a surname and where does it come from? How do you write it? People must make a lot of jokes about it," I said without thinking as if I had not just heard the guy saying that this was no joke. "I'm sorry," I just said once I realized what I had done, looking down to the ground.
"It's okay, we are used to it by now and it gets to know us better to see the meaning behind this." Abraham, said to me gently, as he placed his hand on my shoulder to make me look up.
Knowing that it was stupid to keep on pushing the matter of their last name, and wanting just to move on, I asked: "Do you guys have any idea where we are? I just found myself landing here before this poor tree."
Only till then did I notice that these men were carrying matching stitched bags that were filled with some of the rotten apples from the tree. So, of course, I had to ask about that as well.
The three men laughed and looked at one another before Michael approached me again and said: "This is the Glen of Past and we are here collecting these apples because we want to heal the tree so it can be saved and it can produce good fruit. We are, above all, healers, you might say."
"Why in the world would you like to save something that is that damaged?" I asked in wonder, while my eyes strayed to the tree and my mind struggled to understand why anyone would waste their time on something so useless. In fact, now that I thought about it, this tree reminded me of myself. Just like it, there had never been a point in saving me.
"We always hope, and we save what we can, regardless of how damaged it may be. You never know what can come out of the most damaged of things when you work on them to save them," Abraham said, looking at me very seriously. I felt a shiver going down my spine as I thought about my own situation.
"All living things can be saved, Emily, when the right efforts are made. It is only after death that saving becomes impossible," Abraham said again, almost as if he had read my mind.
"Can I be saved?" I found myself whispering as I looked at the dying tree, lost in thought. That had simply slipped out; I had had no conscious thought, or intention, of mentioning that out loud. However, it seemed that these guys neither wanted, nor needed, an explanation from me. I simply found Emmanuel approaching me, his face filled with a tenderness I had never seen before directed at me, and taking my hand in his, he said: "You will never know unless you take a chance. But in order for you to find that opportunity, you must take the steps."
I don't know where my lack of fear, or doubt, or questioning, came from. My soul felt before these three men like a stunted flower bud that was suddenly being exposed to the water and the sun. As much as the darkness within me wanted to resist, it seemed powerless before the force that emanated from this trio. And the truth was that for the first time in my life, I wanted to confide in someone, and open myself, and for some unknown reason, it felt right to do it with these guys.
"I tried to take my own life, even though there were no reasons for my actions; not really. So, how can I be saved?" I asked almost desperately. Emmanuel simply placed his hand on my cheek and responded: "There are a lot of things we humans do not understand about this trip we call life, but what we can do is take the chances given to us to correct our mistakes. Come with us, let us join forces, and let us try and find answers together."
"If I come along with you, will you be by my side?" I asked, not for a second wondering how these men understood my deepest desire and darkest fear, and not really caring at this point.
"Every step of the way, Emily; you will never be alone," Emmanuel said and at the same time, I felt Abraham and Michael placing their palms on my shoulders. Once again, I did the only thing I could; I made the choice to tag along.