Clara was asleep at John's side of the bed when he woke up. Finding the girl he loved was still asleep after accompanying and guarding him all night, made the man feel a chill that infiltrated his heart.
Cool ... and warm at the same time. And he likes that feeling.
He no longer worries about how Hellen will feel if she finds out that she prefers Clara over her. Because that's what he should have done in the first place.
He should have obeyed what his parents said, not violated and made Hellen pregnant so he could be with that woman—which in fact was still just an escape. Yet as a man, John still has self-respect.
Being a runaway, or a shadow, even a backup, of course hurt his feelings and ego. And so far, only Clara who understands how to heal the wound, or at least just calm her inner turmoil after getting injured from Hellen.
