"The fallen angel becomes a malignant devil. Yet even that enemy of God and man had friends and associates in his desolation; I am alone."
― Mary Shelley
Intro-
If you're looking for a happy ending, you've come to the wrong place.
I can't promise you such a thing, even though I've seen the future.
For several years there's a question that's been lingering on the edge of my consciousness as I drift off to nothingness at night. Is there a difference between being brought to yourself, by yourself, and bringing yourself, to yourself?
Several years ago I was shown a vivid picture of what would come to pass by a stranger who looks exactly as I did. I refer to him as "the other-self" for lack of a better name.
When I first encountered my other self he brought me to the future I am now cursed to live out. In this future I become "The Saviour of Mankind" after a new strain of plague decimates the world's population. I am the one who holds the key to the survival of those still alive, as I have the cure.
At first, I wanted to believe that everything that had been shown to me was a hallucination, a fleeting glimpse of some reality that would never be able to gain true fulfillment. As time went on, I soon began to see signs that this reality was doomed to be.
My glimpse of the future came at a steep price. I began to figure out just how much the other-self had left unspoken when he had first visited me. Countless trials and lessons were not revealed, all so that I could experience their full anguish and agony as they took their toll upon my being.
It would have been kind mercy to have never met him. He could have simply watched from the shadows as my dying body twisted and jerked in the cold dry air of that early Christmas morning, calmly smoking as if my death was no big deal to him. Instead, he chose the perfect moment to confront me, lighting a cigarette as he promised me the answers I had wished for.
If I was not here now, who would be?
Would humanity have lurched forward, making feeble attempts not to stumble and fall, afraid they might never rise again? Or would we have gone extinct, as so many species before us, leaving only the fleeting screams of the dying to pander out forever?
There are no clear answers, just as there can be no ending with a truly happy conclusion to this story.
In the end, I sit alone on my throne. A throne built from the ruins of the old world of man, sculpted by the hands of a thousand believers, one forged in the insurmountable destruction of all whom I turned my face from, for I am the one known as The Saviour.
Yet even as I look out upon all that has fallen and all that is mine, the feelings still remain. There is a great, almost unspeakable price to pay for power such as mine. Nothing that is mine came to be as such without dire consequence. So the feelings haunt me with mocking glare; triumph is wed to crushing fear, despair dances endlessly with grief in my court, and unease watches my every move. These are things I cannot allow to show, I am their Saviour, and I must give the appearance expected, eternal strength, and wisdom in the face of The Fall of Man.
There was a time after I had first met the other-self that fateful Christmas Eve, before I fulfilled my destiny, that no one knew my face. The world still slumbered, life remained in a stasis of relative comfort. Then, all of that was broken with the massacre led by the prophet Eli and his followers.
It was as if the world's state of stasis had simply been the silence of a loaded gun, waiting for the right person to pull the trigger. The plague appeared and society began to ravage itself with animalistic fury as the plague swept across continents, sparing only those fortunate enough to receive the cure. Despair and terror filled the hearts of even the bravest souls. There was no escape from The Fall of Man.
With each passing day of chaos, I watched the mirror as my face hardened and grew cold. I was slowly becoming a reflection of the face of my future self. At the time the only thing my face was missing was the scar, running in a thin, crooked slash across the edge of my left eye.
Everything the other-self had told me would come to pass was happening.
As mankind fell, I began to rise as their Saviour.
Part 1-
The plague had just begun its outbreak on a large scale. There was a certain air of unease and restlessness in the world around me. People were becoming more suspicious of each other, violence was on the rise, and nothing was as it had seemed before the recent amusement park massacre. The news outlets had recently stopped playing up the spread of the plague. Everyone knew about it at this point. There was nothing to be done about it, the virus spread so fast that any attempts to quarantine it were in vain. Society was unraveling at the seams and each day seemed to hasten the pulling of the threads that held everything together. Mass lockdown orders were in effect to try and stop the progression of death, but very few people were heeding the orders any longer. They knew the end was near, regardless of whether or not they stayed inside their homes.
I was stuck watching the progression of events outside my window. I recalled the future the other-self had laid out for me, but I could see no possible way of attaining it in a situation like this. Not only was I a lowly nobody with very little money and even less control, but I also had no access to this mysterious cure he had spoken of. It seemed that there was an equal chance of my death at the hands of the plague as there was of my rise to power.
Things were growing quite grim outside. Rolling blackouts were happening in the power grid, water was unavailable in many areas, and food shortages were quickly becoming a reality. The number of people dying daily was increasing exponentially, but there was no accurate way to count the dead since most services had either been terminated outright or indefinitely suspended. Even cellphone coverage was practically extinct.
With the passage of time lawlessness began to set in on a wide scale. Guns were an effective means of control until ammunition shortages began to set in and people were forced to turn towards other weapons that didn't require manufacturing processes to operate. Now the streets were filled with roaming gangs holding makeshift weaponry as they searched for and looted anything they perceived to have value. Things that had held value in the past were now cast aside in favor of essential materials for survival. Stores with electronic devices were hit hard at first, but after the lack of constant electricity and communication networks set in they were left to begin their slow decay.
I had decided to stay put since there was nowhere else to go that would be any better. The only times I left my apartment were to scavenge for food or other items I might need. The safest bet seemed to be barricading myself in until I figured out how I was supposed to move forward. I cursed the other-self for not giving me direction in the all-encompassing chaos ensuing around me.
The seasons and weather continued on, as usual, despite the turmoil being experienced. When I took short glances out of the dirty panes of glass that made up the main window, I could see the leaves beginning to change color on the trees. Fall would soon be upon us. Even as the leaves fell, I could see the grass that was once well-manicured growing long and wild as the tips blew gently with the passing breeze. Asphalt and concrete were beginning to deteriorate and weeds grew freely in the cracks formed by the passage of time. It would have been a tranquil seen to behold, except I was trapped in the middle of the very disaster that had shaped things into this new and changing world.
The inside of my apartment was now dark and dingy, filled with the loose dust that floated past natural light that was filtered by the newspaper that I had placed over the window to try and deter unwanted visitors. I felt trapped, doomed to live this way until I succumbed to the sickness, and died like so many others. Without a constant supply of fresh food or water, I began to lost count of the days. All I could do was try to survive and keep the hope that I would be shown the way.
I was in the grip of a restless sleep without dreams when I heard a banging on my door. I instantly shot wide awake, my heart racing. Maybe it was one of the roaming gangs, finally come to do me in. The banging on the door came again, and then again. Cautiously I approached the door trying frantically to decide what to do. When I was about a foot away from the door I heard the person on the other side of the door speak, " If I was here to kill you I would've just shot the door open."
This gave me pause, who would still be in possession of enough ammo to be willing to waste it blasting a door open?
"C'mon, open up!" ordered the voice on the other side of the door gruffly, " we don't have much time."
Without a word I opened the door and took a good look at the figure standing there. He was about my height and in his late twenties. He had dirty brown hair that was in a disheveled mess, a dark jacket hung around his broad shoulders, leading to a large black rifle slung over his right shoulder. His pants appeared to be some sort of military issue, considering the digital camo print. The boots he had on were a dark color, but despite the heavy use they had seen they appeared in good condition.
A half-smoked cigarette hung loosely from the corner of his mouth, trailing smoke upwards into the autumn air.
At the first smell of the cigarette smoke coming from him, I almost broke down in tears. It had been a long time since I had been able to find any source of tobacco and I missed it with an undying passion.
The man studied me for a moment with an inquisitive look as if he were determining my fate. Then, reaching into his pocket with his free hand, he withdrew a small photo and held it up next to my face to compare the two.
After a moment he grunted in approval, "You've lost some weight, you look like a shit fire, but it's definitely you."
A puzzled look crossed my worn face, "What do you mean? Who are you?" I asked.
"I'm Eli, the boy sent me to get you. Correction, sent us to get you." replied the man.
I felt my heart speed up again, could he have been talking about the other-self?
Cautiously I inquired, "Does this boy look like a slightly younger version of me?"
Eli laughed, exhaling a cloud of stale smoke, "Now that you mention it, yea, he does. You could be twins if you were about six years younger, a bit healthier, and a shit-talking chain-smoking deity of pure evil and chaos."
I felt my skin suddenly crawl, had he witnessed the unexplainable power of the other-self?
"What makes you call him a deity?" I inquired cautiously.
Eli paused to take a drag from his cigarette and looked off into space as if contemplating his reply. "I've seen things that I can't explain any other way, I've had things happen that I can't explain either. That boy, he was involved with them all, even this. They're long stories, but I'll tell them to you sometime if you like. Right now we have to get going, the others are waiting on us"
"Where are we going?" I asked, following Eli as he turned and began to saunter towards the main stair core of my apartment complex.
"We're going to start the New World." replied Eli without turning, "Where did you think we were going?"
I mentally paused, exhaustion, a need for nicotine and lack of food were clouding my thinking. What had I expected? Did I think that the events of the future were just going to fall into place magically?
"Hey, Eli?"
"What?"
"Can I have a cigarette?"
Eli stopped on the stairs and turned around with a smirk, "Well, maybe you are the same person after all."
Reaching into his coat pocket he pulled out a cardboard pack and flipped the top open, extending it out to me. "Here, take a couple."
With sudden greed, I reached in and took several of the white and brown cigarettes. The smell of fresh tobacco washed over my senses and I could feel my hand shaking as I put one to my lips. Eli shoved the pack back into his pocket and withdrew a lighter. Tossing it to me he turned back around and kept walking down the stairs, "Keep it, I have another"
After lighting the cigarette and inhaling deeply I felt a certain sense of balance return to my ravished body. I continued to follow Eli down the stairs towards the street exit. Right before reaching the final stair landing, I glanced down at the lighter I had just been given. I felt something inside of me freeze. The lighter was identical to the one I had when I first met the other-self.
I sprinted down the steps to try and get closer to Eli as he pushed on the bar of the emergency exit. "Hey, where did you get this lighter?" I asked with a panic-filled excitement.
Eli shrugged as he pushed the heavy door covered in molting white paint open, "I dunno man, the boy probably gave it to me or something."
"You mean the other-self?" I replied quickly.
"Heh, I can see why you would call him that now," replied Eli as he held the door open with one hand, scanning the street with keen eyes before he stepped out fully, "I just call him the boy, probably out of spite. Now, c'mon, while the coast is clear."
I stepped out into the bright light of the autumn day, there were small gusts of wind blowing and a few leaves skittered by me, breaking the deathly silence that enveloped us. A prone figure lay halfway in the street down the block from us, too far away to positively identify. They were clearly dead, either a victim of violence or of the plague, there was no telling at this point.
"He's definitely a fucking bastard sometimes," I said as I trailed close behind Eli, still on high alert, "I can think of a couple of times I wanted to kill him myself."
"I don't doubt it," replied Eli as he skulked down the street in the opposite direction of the body, "But things can't be that bad, considering you lead the new world and all."
"I nearly starved to death, and for all I know I might be about to die from the plague!" I retorted as my gaze shifted from side to side, scanning the buildings we passed.
Eli stopped and turned to look at me in the eyes as he flicked away the end of his cigarette, "You're the Saviour, man. You won't die from the plague, and I'm not bitting it any time soon myself, I can promise you that."
Turning back around Eli pulled another cigarette from his pocket and lit it before continuing down the street, "Stay close." he muttered.
As we approached an intersection Eli began to pull off towards the left, heading for a cross street. "We're meeting the others over here," he said without a pause in his stride.
Around the corner lay another stretch of the open road, abandoned, except for a few cars that were parked at obtuse angles. The owners had either run out of gas or decided that it wasn't worth the trouble of continuing on with a vehicle. The tires were now flat, and it was quite obvious that the cars were never going to run again, based on the amount of dirt and rust that had begun to cling to them like dirty snow. Eli began to walk forward in a slight crouch, rifle pointed forward as he silently motioned for me to do the same.
Crouching behind a faded blue SUV with a missing tire, I watched as Eli cautiously looked over the vehicle through a cracked windshield. Suddenly he withdrew his head and swore under his breath, "We have company, and it's not our guys."
I felt my breath quicken, it must be one of the gangs, out looking for supplies, or just looking for a fight; these days either outcome was an equal possibility.
"Stay low, don't fucking move from this spot..." growled Eli putting out his cigarette against the rim of the SUV's tire, "Don't make a sound."
With an air of practiced caution, Eli drew his rifle up to his side and leaned against the SUV to get a better vantage point. With great deliberation, he began to poke the barrel of the rifle in the direction of the gang down the street moving towards the SUV.
I could hear them now, they were laughing and joking as they sauntered through the abandoned street, oblivious to our presence, until they either found us or were attacked by us.
In one swift motion, Eli stood there, waiting for the next person to stick his head out. I wondered how he could keep such a calm composure while killing blindly like he was. His face had barely even flinched as he gunned down most of the gang. His focus was honed, like that of a predatory beast chasing a kill. He held the rifle up, sighting down the barrel until a person made a break for it. Then, with a swift pull of the trigger, he shot the fleeing member in the back and resumed his patient stance.
"Hey man, we don't want any trouble!" shouted one of the figures crouched behind a car further down the street, "Just let us pass and we'll forget all about you."
"Sure, c'mon out!" Shouted Eli in return, still holding the rifle up, "I'll let you go."
"Really? Thanks man." came the reply as a figure stood up from behind the car.
With another well-placed shot, Eli hit the figure. I watched in horror as the gang member's head snapped back, spraying mist out behind him. Someone else behind the car called out, "What the fuck man?!"
Eli lowered the rifle long enough to relight his cigarette, holding it in the corner of his mouth as he recentered his aim down the street. "Had to light my cigarette man," said Eli as he began to laugh in a dark tone, "That little stunt gave me the chance I needed."
"Yo, you're a fucking crazy evil guy!" shouted the other gang member hiding behind the car, "You didn't have to do that!"
"Damn fucking right I didn't have to," replied Eli with a smirk as he puffed on the cigarette, "But here's the thing, I wanted to. Besides, you're not going to live to tell about this anyway, so what does it matter?"
My blood ran cold at Eli's words. Who was this guy? Obviously, he was a psychopath. There was no other way I could describe his callous attitude towards the life of strangers. What would compel a person to become this way?
"Who the fuck are you, Eli?" I asked in a quavering voice.
"I am who I am," replied Eli with a chuckle, not taking his eyes off the car in front of us, "Or at least that's how the boy would answer that question. I've spent too much time with that fucker in the last few years, but that's the price I have to pay to be in the New World. I guess you're going to have your own prices to pay, and I'd betcha anything they're gonna be steep as hell, considering who you are. Heavy is the head that wears the crown, right?"
Just then the remaining figure broke cover and began to run in the opposite direction. Eli paused and took careful aim before squeezing off another round. The figure continued to run for a moment before stumbling and falling to the pavement where he stopped moving after a few seconds of spasms.
"Eh, fuck... Not my cleanest shot," said Eli, focusing his attention on the other side of the street.
My head swam from fear and hunger as I lit one of my two remaining cigarettes, I was still crouched against the SUV's side, next to Eli. I listened as he fired another round and I heard the sound of the shell casing bouncing off the curb into the weed and leaf-filled gutter next to me.
"Only a couple left now," said Eli, "Hang in there, it's almost over."
I inhaled another drag from the cigarette with a shaky breath. The nicotine seemed to temporarily clear my head and a sudden realization struck me. I had seen Eli before, it must be him!
"Hey, I've seen you before," I said, looking up at Eli, whose concentration remained on hunting the remaining gang members, "You were on TV a few years ago."
"Hah, you don't say?" said Eli, "I never caught that broadcast."
"They showed your picture after that massacre at the amusement park, they said you died after being shot by a SWAT team!"
"Is that so?" Eli fired again, the bullet ricocheting off a fire hydrant. Someone cursed in a barely audible tone from across the street.
"Yea, I saw the body bags!" I could feel a dreaded excitement mounting inside of me, "You were one of the killers! You're dead!"
"Can't be dead if I'm here plugging suckers," replied Eli smoothly, flicking away the end of his cigarette.
"Then how the fuck did you survive that?" I asked in wonder, "There's no way you guys expected to survive that."
Eli sighed, "I didn't expect to survive. The boy gave me a choice to make. Either I died at the park and my child lived on in the New World, or I kept my life, and my child and its mother would die instead."
I felt my jaw go slack, "So you chose your own life? You killed your child?"
"No, you fucking idiot," snarled Eli, "I told him that I would bite the dust if she and the child lived."
"So then how the hell are you still alive?"
"The boy's a manipulative little shit, that's how," replied Eli as he ejected the magazine and loaded another one from his jacket into the bottom of the rifle, "GET OUT HERE, I DON'T HAVE ALL DAY!" he shouted down the street.
"FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!" came the reply almost instantly.
Eli finally broke his gaze away from the street and looked down at me with a grin and a nod of the head. "I like these guys."
I sat there wide-eyed and filled with terror and awe at the sight of Eli. I knew I must be huddled in a pathetic lump, helpless against the storm of furry in the heart of this creature of pure destruction and malice.
"We can't kill you," said Eli as he turned his attention back across the street, "I don't even want to think of what the boy would do if we were to try some stupid shit like that. I've already seen a good bit of what that motherfucker is capable of, and believe me, I'm not about to piss him off."
"What do you mean?" I asked in a mix of curiosity and awe since I had witnessed the power of the other-self before. However, it was becoming clear to me that Eli was privy to a great deal more.
"Ever been to hell?" Eli replied casually, "I've been there."
"Figuratively or literally?" I replied.
"Literally, you big worded asshole."
"No, but I think I know what you're talking about," I said, ignoring Eli's insult. "I've seen some of his power."
Eli laughed loudly in a rude tone, "Son, you don't know the half of it. I've seen the boy do shit you can't even begin to wrap your head around."
"Like what?"
"I saw him command death to release this one girl."
"Lit.."
"Don't you fucking say it again, asshole." Spit Eli, as he shot a fleeing member in the leg, "It was for real, no joke. He fucking brought the dead back to life in front of me. Released her from hell and everything."
"What girl?.." I inquired as I smoked, feeling my nerves going down. Apparently I was beginning to adjust to this level of chaos.
"Some hot piece, dark hair, younger-looking, vicious, cunning, and intelligent." chuckled Eli, shooting the downed gang member in the back. "Who knows, maybe I run into her and get a good fuck. She's just my type of crazy."
"Maybe so.." I retorted in a blase tone.
"God-damn, you sound just like him sometimes," Eli said, shaking his head.
"I still don't get that part either," I mused, "If he's so powerful, why choose to look like I did?
"Maybe it's some sort of metaphor..." replied Eli trailing off as one of the last gang members stood up with a yell and began a crazed run towards the SUV, "Hold that thought," said Eli, pulling the trigger twice.
The bullets sent the figure spinning backward onto the pavement with the collection of other bodies.
"Now who's the big word asshole?" I snapped back.
"I'm the big idea asshole," retorted Eli with a grimace. "That's what I get after all this time, free education at the hands of the boy."
"Seriously? He taught you things?" I questioned, throwing away my cigarette butt.
"Yes, and no," replied Eli, "I'm not the person I used to be, that's for sure."
"What do you mean?"
"I used to be a meth addict. He fucked all that up for me when he took away my ability to enjoy drugs."
"He actually did that?"
"Yup," nodded Eli, "I can't feel shit from them, and trust me, I tried everything. They're fucking gone. Just part of my price to pay."
"I'm sure you feel better for it, right?"
"Sure, I guess. I can still smoke, but that's about it. He left that one because he's an ironic bastard."
"Figures."
"I'll give it to him though, I'm a whole lot sharper and focused now than I ever was on that shit. It doesn't mean I don't miss it though. But he made it clear that I couldn't fulfill my deal if I was using that shit still." Eli paused to look off into the distance, ignoring the possibility of an attack from the remaining gang member for a second. "I wonder if I'll ever see my kid."
"Shit, man, I hope you do." I felt a strange sense of empathy for this killer at that moment, apparently, he did have things he cared for.
"Well, it's somewhere in the future as far as I can tell. That's the only way I can see what the boy told me making sense." mused Eli, now leaning against the SUV's hood for support, his stance more relaxed than before.
"In the New World?" I asked tentatively, "Or somewhere else?"
"I'm not really sure..." Eli pondered, "He never fucking told me that."
Our conversation was broken by the sound of a large engine approaching from the distance. In front of us a big black, tank-style truck with a 50 cal machine gun mount roared down the street. The last gang member, suddenly aware of the impending danger, broke cover like a scared rabbit and tried to flee as two shots rang out.
For a second I was confused, Eli had only fired one shot. Then I realized it, the other shot had come from a side hatch in the approaching vehicle. The motor rumbled in idle as the giant vehicle pulled up close to the SUV. Now that it was closer I could make out the lettering on the vehicle's grill. BEARCAT. This was clearly a heavy and weaponized assault vehicle capable of traversing the urban wilderness that had begun to develop.
Eli stood up fully and waved his rifle overhead as the hatch near the 50 cal opened up and the figure of another slightly younger man appeared with a grin.
"I got that one," called the man from his perch on top of the vehicle.
"You did not, fuckhead!" called back Eli in a jovial tone, "You're just trying to kill-steal again."
Fully climbing out of the vehicle, the man hopped to the ground as the folds of his black dust beater jacket flapped around the legs of his mud-stained jeans.
His hair was a fine comb of short black bristles as if he made a point of keeping it at a minimal length, regardless of the times. His facial hair was also kept neat, forming a stylish combination of beard and mustache. Beneath the jacket, he wore a white t-shirt that said: "I killed god."
Eli groaned when he saw the shirt the man was wearing. "Screw, I can't fuckin' believe you actually cranked out another one of those damn shirts."
Screw laughed heartily, "Why the hell not, especially now with all this shit happening?"
"You know that the boy is probably god or something like a god, and you go around wearing shit like that. It's playing with fire," muttered Eli.
"Hey, if he liked it four years ago, then why the fuck would he change his opinion on it now?" Screw jabbed back with a smile, "He got a real kick out of it back then."
"You're funeral," replied Eli, turning to face me as he jabbed a thumb towards the vehicle, "That's Screw."
"Hey, you must be the almighty ruler!" said Screw in an excited tone, "You wouldn't believe the shit I've had to do to get to this point."
"Yea, I guess that's me," I replied with some hesitation.
"It's all cool man," said Screw, "We're on your side, we want to see the New World happen!"
"Where's that at?" I asked out of curiosity, probing to see if I could find out more things I wasn't privy to.
"Pfff, fuck if I know," laughed Screw, "You're the one who's in charge of it."
"Well, I don't know shit," I sighed, "This is all new to me. I was only told that I would become the Saviour in the New World."
"That pretty much is going to make you the ruler of the world..." mused Screw, "Well, anyway, let's roll out!"
Eli nodded in silent agreement and motioned for me to follow him as we walked around to the back of the vehicle. Screw scrambled back up the side of the vehicle and entered the hatch, closing it behind him. A second later there was a loud click and the back doors of the vehicle pushed open from the inside. Screw stood there with a grin, "Pretty sweet ride, huh? Apocalypse special!"
After we climbed in, Eli grabbed the handles of both doors, swinging them shut, leaving us bathed in the pale light from an overhead LED strip. The inside was designed to seat about 8 people, four on each side. There were hatches that could be opened on both sides so that a rifle could be shot from the protection of the vehicle's interior. A small ladder in the middle lead up to the turret mounted on top. Two seats sat in front, but only the driver's seat was currently occupied. As the vehicle suddenly lurched forwards I caught my balance and tried to make out the features of the driver.
Since there was no real light illuminating the driver I couldn't tell exactly what he looked like. It was obvious from the thinning hair and the amount of facial hair that he was at least a bit older than the other two, but it was impossible to identify his exact age. Eli caught me staring, "That's Zee," he said, looking towards the driver. In response, the driver lifted his right hand in a greeting.
"Hey man, how's it going?" called out Zee, "I'd properly introduce myself, but I have to drive this beast and the terrain isn't exactly friendly, especially this far into the city."
"Don't worry about it," I called out over the low growl of the powerful engine.
"Hey, here you go," called out Screw as he handed me a brown box stamped with "Lasagna", "It's not that great, but you look like you're starving to death."
I took the box in my hands and examined it before opening it. Inside was a prepackaged meal with a heating pad. I sat down in one of the seats and began to greedily suck the contents out of the package without bothering to heat it up first.
"Jesus, you really are starving," marveled Screw as he watched me eat quickly, "We've got more, so don't worry about it. There's also plenty of bottled water in the storage compartments under the seats.
I was too famished to reply, I could only continue to eat until it felt like I couldn't stand another bite. Screw and Eli busied themselves with random tasks and conversations as Zee continued to plot a direction unbeknownst to me.
Soon I began to find myself growing tired. Taking a backpack from a nearby seat I propped it up and laid my head on it as a makeshift pillow. I could feel the vibrations of the large tires rolling as I drifted off into a deep sleep, something I hadn't experienced since the outbreak of the plague.
There were still so many questions I had, all were left unanswered, and the possibility of finding anything of meaning seemed unlikely. For now, all I could do was rest and trust in the plan the other-self had put into motion.