The cold air of that Tuesday afternoon hit Alex's cheeks, making him shiver. He fixed his scarf, hiding half of his face in it, snuggling. His eyes never kept away from his phone. Each time it looked like it was going to block, he touched the screen with his cold thumb. Alex was sitting at the stairway of the unfinished new building of the campus. It was near the psychology department, but no one was there except for him, because in the entrance it said 'Do not enter'. Alex liked to hang out there with Anne at lunch.
His phone screen was stuck on Connie's chat, his ex-girlfriend.
She had him blocked on every platform. He kept reading his last texts, all left on read, but no reply.
'Please, let's talk'.
'Connie, it's me, Alex. You know me. Please'.
The screen was about to lock again. This time, he let the screen go black. Anne had already left campus. She had to work that afternoon, at the local city theatre. She worked every Tuesday and Thursday there, and every weekend at a fancy restaurant uptown. Earlier, when they were hanging together, Alex was complaining about his ex, how she'd left and how she cheated, all over again. Anne had interrupted him:
'Dude, get a job or something. Don't look at me like that, you have the time. You need to focus on something else. Try sports or some shit'. She got up and took her backpack. 'Stop with this depressive nonsense. You're like the 14 year old version of me. Don't turn emo, please. That phase is over'. She kissed his cheek to say goodbye, and left him alone.
She wasn't being mean or inconsiderate. Just like Alex, Anne had to deal with her own emotional instability for years when she was in high school. Her distant parents were called from school one day, to alert them she had lost half her weight in only one year. They didn't approach her to help or ask anything. Instead, she got locked in a mental health hospital - the most expensive they could find -, and without any notice, she had to stay there alone. Only nurses and other girls who struggled with the same issues made her company.
That was one of the reasons they got along. They just got each other in that way. Although Alex could barely talk about his feelings, the methods they used to cope were almost the same - destructive. Alex knew she was giving him a good advice. That girl. If he could only choose who to fall in love with.
Anne was two years younger and yet Alex hadn't feel more comfortable with anyone else these last two months of college. He knew she was right. He had been moping around for a long time, still holding on to the hope that Connie was going to change her mind.
Alex saved his phone, thinking about how getting a job wasn't a bad idea at all. It would definitely get him distracted, just like joining a sports team or focusing on creating stuff. But he felt like he didn't have the energy for any of those things. After all, his skinny arms and legs haven't done any physical work in two years, and he didn't want to feel like he was going to fail at something.
Alex sighed, while letting his head rest back and looked at the ceiling. He placed his earphones on and he took some of his notes out of his bag, to start study a little bit. He still hadn't managed to find a song or a group that didn't remind him of his ex, so the earphones stayed quiet.
'I was way too attached', he thought in despair. Every song he knew, every book he read, they were all things he got from her. It was like waking up from a long dream and realizing he had lost every little thing that made him who he was. Now, he was feeling like a lost soul that didn't know what it liked, why it did things, why was it studying psychology. Who was Alex? He rested his head on the wall next to him, and closed his eyes, notes hanging forgotten on his lap. Who was he?
Moving the 'Do not enter' sign away and the cloth that covered the entrance in the new building, Mitsu Mafuyu stopped on his feet when he saw Alex sitting on the stairs, looking asleep. In silence, he observed how his messy curled hair covered almost completely his forehead and eyes, his mouth and nose hidden by a black scarf. His white hands were tense and a notebook had fell to the ground.
After a minute, Mitsu turned back and allowed the cloth to fall behind him as he walked away.
'I'm sad'. Alex voice appeared as a memory in Mitsu's mind. He stood outside the construction site, hesitant.
'Right. Me too', he had answered, and later allowed him watch how he left the party with some random girl. He wasn't ashamed, but he found himself worrying about the impression he had left to Alex.
His phone in his pocket started to ring. He pulled it out and saw Rai's name on the screen.
'What's up?' He answered.
'Have you seen Alex? We were supposed to go home together today', she asked with a lot of background noise almost muffling her voice. She was probably at the train station already.
'Who?' Mitsu asked, pretending not to know who Alex was. He didn't know exactly why he had done this, but it was an impulse he couldn't control. Maybe he could have alerted Alex and gone home with both of them. But, instead, he preferred to save that information to himself.
'Don't you remember?' Rai inquired, 'He was at my party. You even arrived with him! Dude, your memory sucks. Quit drugs.'
'Oh, yeah, right. The small kid' he joked, feeling the presence of Alex from behind, as he walked away. 'Um, no? Should I know where he is?'
'I thought you'd liked him' Rai commented. Mitsu felt trapped for some reason and didn't know what to say. 'You should make friends with him. You need more friends, man'. He knew Rai was just joking, but also telling the truth. He let out a laugh in response. 'Oh, hey, gotta go! The train is here. I'll just text him' she hanged up and Mitsu saved his phone.
Then, he looked back over his shoulder.
Alex opened his eyes slowly. He was freezing, still sitting on the stairs. He sat back up and sneezed. His body felt as rigid and cold as an iceberg. Maybe he'd got hypothermia for staying in the cold for too long. Alex shrugged at the idea, thinking it wasn't a bad idea freeze to death.
'Ooooi. A nice cup of hot tea would be so perfect right now' he thought, while rubbing his hands. He took out his phone to check it. Shit, it was really late. He was supposed to go home with Rai today. He opened her chat and saw she had left a text saying she had to leave quickly and she was sorry. 'That's ok. Sorry to disappear' he answered and saved his phone in his jeans pockets.
He saved his stuff slowly in his bag and picked up the notebook from the floor. When he was about to get up, the plastic cloth covering the building entrance moved, and a tall boy with two cups of coffee showed up.
Alex blinked surprised. It was Mitsu.
Mitsu stopped for a second, looking like he wasn't expecting Alex to be there. Almost immediately he walked towards him and handed him one of the cups. Alex received it looking at him, perplexed. How did he know he was there? Mitsu sat next to him, sipping a bit of the hot beverage.
'Um, thank you?' Alex mumbled, trying not to show how weirdly he felt. He decided not ask why he was here. Mitsu's radiant smile appeared on his face again as a response. Alex felt his cheeks flush. In his mind, he blamed the cold. The sky was getting darker and the sun had already set. The clouds looked dark, threatening to pour rain at any minute.
'Hey, Mitsu' Alex said breaking the silence. Their eyes met for a second. Both of them looked away quickly and Alex took a sip of the cup. It was a delicious coffee. The lanky boy stared at him, grinning waiting for him to continue talking.
'A-are you okay?' Alex looked at him on the corner of this eye. The fingers of Mitsu got tense and he wrapped the cup with both hands.
He didn't answer. Instead, he shoved his hand on his black jean jacket and he took a rolled cigarette, offering it to Alex, who picked it up. Right before he was going to light the tip, Mitsu leaned towards him and his hand moved the boy's forehead's hair away.
They looked at each again. Alex 's jumped, making him speechless. Mitsu's hand didn't pull away, as well as his look. His face was closer this time, and Alex could see little speckles on Mitsu's irises. To focus on something else, Alex finished turning the cigar up.
Mitsu pulled away his hand and leaned back. He drank his coffee in silence, and he looked to the small boy's feet and then back to his own. Alex handed the cigarette back to him, who took it. Mitsu was about to take a drag, when he precipitated:
'Alex, do you wanna come over to my place?'