Since the wedding is near, I can't help but feel anxious about what the future will bring and I thought that being busy will help me not overthink but I guess, I'm wrong… I didn't even imagine that I am just making things worse.
The day before the wedding, I don't feel any excitement at all, I am anxious and I don't know how to overcome the emotion. I can't help but cry while I was breastfeeding Grandeur. Master was trying to pacify Miracle after I fed her since she kept on crying after feeding her. Grandeur is also crying and then stops to feed himself. It is late at night; I called Master to come into the house because I can't wake my parents up. Hue and Paint are working late and I can't ask for their help because tomorrow they will surely be busy with my wedding.
"Ira, please… hush now, you were well fed. I have already checked your diaper, change your clothes, and even check your temperature. You already burp, what do you want?" Master said full of patience with the little one. He said on the edge of the bed to wipe my tears. "What's wrong?" he asks me and I can see how he is worried about me. I shook my head because I also don't know what is going on. He caresses Grandeur's little face. "Little guy don't bite your mom, okay?" he said softly.
I kept on crying while Master didn't know what to do anymore. it's already midnight and he was able to put them to sleep. My eyes are in pain from crying yet still, I can't dry my tears away. As I lie on the bed, Master was busy cleaning and tidying my room. He was standing near the door and looking at me. "I think I need to go now," he said. The moment I heard him say those words, I cried so hard that I don't know why or what to do anymore. He panicked when he heard how hard I am crying. "Oh, Rackie… what can I do to stop those tears?" he said as he kept on wiping my tears that are falling nonstop. "You know I can't go when you are like this." He said. every time he is saying he is going I will burst out and I don't know why. He sighs. "Okay, I won't go. Can you give me space so I can lie down?" I just move to give him enough space. The moment he lies down, he doesn't know what to do. "Can I hug you?" he asks, I just nod in reply.
The next day, I woke up without him by my side, Hue and Paint were taking care of the twins as they prepare them for the wedding today. "Rackie, the makeup artists will be here in a moment so go ahead and prepare yourself." She said.
I just nod and tidy my bed first before preparing my clothes to wear before taking a bath. I am moving like a doll today, I don't feel anything, I don't know what to feel and what emotions should I show. I pumped milk out so later it wouldn't leak. The preparation seems to be so surreal that I feel like I'm dreaming. I am all prepared and now sitting in the car where it will send me to the church where Master is waiting for me. My mother is beside me and my father is right in front of me. Wise was the one who drives the car.
"Wissy, can you slow down a bit?" I asked. He just glances at me in the rear mirror and slows down. When I found out that we are near the place, I tap his shoulder. "Stop the car," I said. He slows down and parks the car on the safe side.
No one was asking me, they were waiting for me to talk, mom held my hand tight as if she was comforting me. "Should we call Hue?" she asks. I just nod in answer. I feel like I want to puke for some reason.
Mama hands the phone to me. I put it on my ear. "Rackie, you know the drill, right?" she asks. Yes, I know the drill however; it seems that even if I inhale and exhale slowly it doesn't work. I can't hear anything at all over the phone when I felt like there is suffocating me.
I look around me and I see how worried my parents panicked until I felt someone hold my shoulder firm to turn and look who is it. Wise was holding my shoulder. He was talking but he can't understand what he is saying so he lean on me. "Rackie, do you remember the reason why you agree to marry him?" it was just a whisper but I heard it loud and clear.
Everything flashed back, the memories of Master crying and begging for his parents and my parents, our signed agreement, his wedding gift, his marriage proposals on the same day, and the twins. Then I realized why I want to marry the man who is waiting for me on the aisle right now. I close my eyes, calm myself, and look at Wise straight in his eyes for him to know that I am fine. He smile at me and went back to the driving seat.
"Let's go or let's run?" Wise asks, he looks so worried although he smiled at me earlier.
"Let's go." I shortly replied. "Drive a bit faster, we're going to be late."
The moment the car stopped at the entrance of the church, Wisdom opened the door for me while Wit assist me in coming out of the car. I saw Hue and Paint looking at me with a worried expressions; I nod at them and smile to assure them I am now fine.
Tatay held my hand, Mama was on the other side as we ready ourselves to the door that Wisdom and Wit were about to open. The moment the door opens, everything slows down; it was all in slow motion as I walk down the aisle when I finally meet Master's eyes. That look made me decide firmly that I will spend the rest of my life with a man who looks at me right now with a smile yet tears kept falling from his eyes right now.
The moment my father passes my hand to him, he held it tightly and smile at me as he wipes his tears away. "You're beautiful." He whispers.
I smiled at him. "You are handsome," I replied then I heard him chuckle.
The wedding is at its climax where we will say our vows to each other but Master was just looking at a piece of paper he picked out of his pocket but not saying anything. I was startled when he looked me straight into my eyes. "Abstract Wrighthood, you don't know how happy I am right now. to be your better half overwhelms me and to be with you for the rest of my life makes me grateful. I haven't said how much I love you in the past and we start with a not-so-good start however, I thank the Lord for this wonderfully answered prayer that I always silently pray whenever I am with you.
"I don't know how or when did I start loving you more than a friend, all I know is I prayed and cried out to the Lord and He never fails to surprise me. He gave us beautiful blessings that I don't know if I truly deserve however, I will always be grateful for those precious lives He gives us." He said as his voice cracked, he put the piece of paper back in his pocket. "Now that I don't have a copy of what I want to say, this time I will let you know what my heart wants to say." He said then wipes his tears.
"I thank your parents for giving me the chance to marry you despite all of the circumstances that happened." He started and looked at where my parents are. "I thank your sisters for the patience and understanding despite they see how hard it is for us to make this happen." He said then looked at where my sisters are. "I thank your friends for supporting me although they want to beat me and kill me for the way they look at me when they found out I fathered your twins," he said then look at my friends on the corner. "I thank your ex-boyfriend for letting you go because if he didn't, I won't meet an amazing woman right in front of me right now." we heard the crowd make noise when he mentioned Red, he didn't look at Red instead he was looking at me at that moment. "I thank you for accepting me in your life…" he said then smiled sweetly at me.