Austin had a bad habit of coming home drunk. He goes to the studio, listens to a bunch of different guys playing different music, smoking, and taking a bunch of various substances before downing it all down with a bunch of different kinds of alcohol. Oh, and can't forget the bunch of scantly clad women who hung around for the attention. It was the type of scene out of a movie, a scene Zorana hated. She disliked the loud music, the smell of weed and cigarettes, the ugly men who wore fake gold grills and fake gold chains that hung down their ankles. She hated the sticky couches that lined the studio, all caked in alcohol and god knows what else. It disgusted every inch of her soul.
And then here comes Austin, home smelling, feeling, and acting like all the above. He stumbled into the room, jarring Zorana out of her sleep and flopping down onto the pump up with her. "Good morning, beautiful," he grumbled, pushing himself up and onto Zorana's chest. When she cringed and pushed him off, Austin rolled onto the floor overdramatically, wincing a bit when he hit the hardwood.
Looking down at her phone Zorana caught the time and snapped her head over to him, "It's one in the morning!?" Austin grumbled something inaudible as he tried picking himself up off the ground. "One in the morning Austin, what the hell were you doing? You left at like four."
"Had that flame!" he bores back. He stumbles over to his bed and flops down. "I told you if I got a good idea, I would record it."
"Oh yeah," Zorana says, "Let me hear it." Austin quickly sits up and cuts his phone on, scrolling through a few pictures and landing on a video he had recorded. He handed it to Zorana, and instead of listening to it, she went through the pictures. Austin holding a big ass bottle of crown. Austin in the booth rapping about probably nothing important. Austin standing, throwing gang signs with random other guys, another picture of Austin with alcohol. Austin with some girl sitting in his lap. Another of the same girl taking a puff of the blunt he had in his mouth. Zorana cringed at all of it, her face twisting up in pure disgust. Those pictures reeked of the bootleg rap game. She. Hated. It. "Wow, this took like eight hours?"
The look on Austin's face changed quickly, and he glared at her. "I worked my ass off for that song, and you didn't even listen to it."
"Sure does look like you worked your ass off." Zorana tosses the phone back to him and gets back into her pump-up. Austin watches her for a second, letting her words brew on him. It pissed him off that she was so dismissive of his craft, his art. He was excellent at his work; he made music on Drake's level. He was cemented in being the next rap king. He was gonna go places. Real expensive, luxury places. And Zorana wasn't going with that attitude she always had with him.
"Well, I did work my ass off, and if you listened to it, you would see that the product is proof," Zorana said nothing back, which just pissed him off more. Seeing as he wasn't getting anywhere, Austin smacked his tongue against his teeth and rolled himself into his bed, not even bothering to get changed.
Zorana stayed turned away from him for a long time. Truth be told, she wasn't even fazed by his pastimes. She wasn't bothered by the ladies all over him or being so close they were smoking the same blunt. It didn't bother her at all. What bothered her was the fact that this was what she settled for. Austin was her partner, but she was stuck with him because she had nowhere else to go.
She was far from in love with him. She was, in fact, closer to hating him. She found herself disgusted after being intimate, and she never enjoyed herself when they went out on dates. Austin was never someone she pictured herself with for a long time. Initially, he was just someone she hung out with periodically when she first went to college. It turned sexual, and then suddenly, she was his girlfriend. There wasn't even anything that solidified them in transitioning; it just...happened. They used each other for what it was worth, even from the start. How could she expect faithfulness to such a childish man? How could she ever envision a future with such an immature human? She couldn't, and she knew that the moment she started sleeping with him. That's all he was supposed to be. No dates, no matching outfits, no professional couple portraits done at JCPenny. Just sex. And then she became his girlfriend still didn't get any of that.
It was that moment while she lay there plundering her mind for ways to escape him when she realized she didn't want to be with him any longer. She was done with Austin. Zorana was utterly done with their relationship. She promised to herself the moment she found somewhere she could stay on her own, she would be leaving. Until then, she just had to deal with him the best she could.
That following morning she took it upon herself to search over apartments. Anything from here to her hometown. She didn't care, where she just wanted a place to stay. She had a little bit of money from her mother's inheritance. She wasn't sure how long she could take care of herself on it, but it was getting her by now. Everything seemed a bit pricey for what they were offering; nothing appealing at all. She tossed the idea of a roommate around in her head, but she wasn't exactly sure where she would even look for one.
Austin came into the kitchen where she was sitting and frowned down at her. She could see his frame standing in front of her but didn't care enough to look up fully at him. After a while of just standing there being ignored, he sighed heavily and half stomped his way to the fridge. Putting her phone down, Zorana looked over at him with a cock of her eyebrow. "Yes?"
"So," he immediately starts, "You couldn't come with me to the studio, and you couldn't even be bothered to listen to my song?"
"I got distracted by all the other stuff on your phone" Austin's glare hardens as he shuts the fridge door and stalks over to her, placing himself right in front of her knees, nearly touching.
"You mean, my pictures?"
"Yep"
"You know party scene, homies, bad bitches that type of thing. I have to present an image. So web set scenes up and take a bunch of pictures to post on instfram."
"Okay," Zorana said, and then she returned to her phone, pausing on the house search until she was alone again.
Yet Austin persisted, "look, if you're upset, I understand. I was around a lot of women, and I get that can be discouraging."
"Uh-huh"
"But you know I find you the most attractive of all, and I wouldn't even have to use those women for props if you would come to the studio with me."
"So then I would be the prop?"
"You would be my girlfriend. I'm trying to create an empire here; I'm trying to create this image centered around my personal life. Money, cars, women. My girl gotta be the baddest thing. I got to flash her. She's part of my brand."
"So...a prop."
"Trophy." Zorana stared at him for a long moment. Was he serious? He couldn't be serious.
"I'm over this conversation." Zorana stood up and started back for his room. Somehow in about ten minutes, he managed to drain all of her life force, and now she needed to go and replenish it. Hot in pursuit, Austin slid into the room with her before she shut the door in his face.
"Look, I'm sorry. I know I got home late, and I know you feel some type of way about the pictures. I was just trying to explain it in a way that would help you understand. I'm serious about my music; I'm serious about wanting to be a rapper."
"Then just be a rapper, Austin. Stop the fake lifestyle, stop the late-night partying, stop forcing your egotistical views on me. Plenty of rappers have presentable girlfriends or a normal life, minus all the gangbanging and fake prop girlfriends. Just be Austin." By the unfazed look on his face, Zorana could tell he didn't care about not one word that she said. She gave up trying to even bother appealing to him, knowing she was talking to a brick wall. This was just who Austin was. He was a follower, so he followed the fad. Anything that was in at the moment, you bet Austin just had to have it. It was a complete turn-off for Zorana.
Believe it or not, Austin was actually pretty decently bright. He had some weird bolts loose here and there, but he wasn't dumb. He made decent grades in college and was well on the way to a career in becoming an automotive technician. He dropped all of that for this rap lifestyle. He just had to be a rapper now; that's what was "in."
Zorana wasn't perfect either, she also dropped out of college, but things got complicated when her mom passed away. It was only for a short period to get her mind back right. She had a legit reason, and she stuck by it. She knew she was going to return and get her degree eventually, yet Austin, on the other hand, would never return.
"Yeah, I'm not about to be out here selling fire-ass records and looking like a loser on social media. I want people to see me, hear my music, and correlate the two together. I want them to just look at me and hear my sound." This was not getting to him; his mind was made.
"Well," Zorana said, "Good luck with that." Austin walked over and sat next to her. He put his hand on her thigh, making her jolt. The touch left her feeling slimy all over. She wanted to kick him away and hide under her blanket. Austin took the flinch as a sign she wanted other things…
"When I get my empire built up, we're gonna be sitting right in the middle comfortably." His hand slipped inwards as he leaned in close to her neck, his breath grazing the hairs, raising them up in alert. Zorana knew what was coming. She let it happen. She didn't push him away and just gave in to satisfy his hunger. Besides, if she didn't, he would keep talking about his dumb empire.
Austin stood up and fixed his clothes, looking back at Zorana on his bed. She sat up and pulled his comforter up on her chest. Austin grinned at her and leaned back in, giving her a kiss. "I'm gonna go to the studio again." Zorana frowned at him and then looked over to her phone for the time.
"It's five, so I should expect to see you again at two in the morning?" Austin laughed a bit as he dug through his drawers, trying to find a better shirt to wear. When he found one, he slipped off the one he had on and the new over his head and down his shoulders. It wasn't a recent occurrence that he was still fully clothed, and Zorana was the only one naked. That's usually how their sexual encounters resulted. Zorana stood up and slid her undergarments on before walking to his closet to pull out her suitcase.
"I'll be back way before then; I already got the beat made. I just got to make lyrics and record it." Zorana nods and pulls together a half-assed outfit. "So, did you send that down payment?'
"Not yet. Why?"
"Listen," Austin walks over, ready to elaborate on his story to her again. "I could get a gig within the next few weeks. I've been talking to a guy who owns a downtown club, and they get a heavy crowd on the weekends. If I perform well, I could get a consistent every two-week spot." Zorana had to admit she was kind of impressed. Austin was never shy and could strike a conversation with anyone. It wasn't a big surprise to her that he could pull through for himself and do a little bit of networking.
"Okay, that's pretty cool, so where are you going with this?" Austin doesn't say anything for a moment, just staring at her. Austin sighs and runs a hand through his hair when she doesn't say anything.
"The studio sessions are going to add up; I need help getting them paid." Zorana could feel a sense of panic rise in her chest. He wasn't asking her to pay for his studio sessions, was he….he couldn't be.
"Oh…." She looked away from him, knotting her hands into her leggings. Austin didn't seem to notice, or if he did, he didn't bother to care.
"Each studio session is one fifty."
"And how many more until your song is done."
"Like three" Three. Four hundred and fifty dollars on him to bellow rhymes into a sweaty unsanitized mic. That was ridiculous. "Also going to need help with prepping for everything, and things like my phone bill-"
"Austin, I don't have a lot of money," he lifted an eyebrow at that making Zorana rephrase her sentence, "… there's no way I can pay for all of that by myself. What about your mom? Your dad?"
"I'm not asking them, and I'm helping you. I'm not gonna leave you hanging with everything. When I get paid for the gig, I'll give it all back to you." She already knew what would happen if she said no. She was crushed between two hard rocks. There was no escape.
"You have to give it back as SOON as you get paid." Austin grins back at her, swooping her up in a fake loving kiss. He grabbed his keys on the nightstand beside the bed and started for the door. Austin didn't even spare as much as a glance to her.
For a while, Zorana just sat there staring at the door to Austin's bedroom, no emotions running through her system. When she could finally get enough strength to get herself up, she paddled over to the kitchen for something to drink. Reluctantly she pulled out her phone and opened her stash mapp. She wasn't sure when Austin needed the money, but it was better now than pushing it away and trying to pretend like it didn't have to happen. If only she had more of a backbone and could have just told him, no, but then he'd probably do something slimy like holding the fact that she was staying with them over her head. That's what Austin did.
She took a deep breath, typed five hundred and fifty dollars into the pay column, and searched for Austin in her contact list. Five fifty should have been enough. Four fifty for the studio sessions and a hundred for her "down payment." She took out a hundred-dollar girlfriend fee for herself for the down payment. Zorana slowly pressed her thumb into the send button when she found his name. After the buffering screen went away, a confirmation screen popped up and confirmed that she had just made a dumb decision. Bye-bye money, it was nice while she knew it.
Zorana shut Stash mapp down and logged onto her mobile banking app. Now would probably be a good time to check her account status and see the damage done. She had just a little over two thousand still left in her account; however, she knew it wouldn't last long if she had to continuously support Austin's passions. In a pit of her stomach, she felt this wasn't her place to contribute to. Austin may have been her boyfriend at the moment, but for what it was worth, she shouldn't have been the one to support something like that, especially given the nature of their relationship. Austin had relatively wealthy parents. His father was a successful commentator for a sports outlet, and his mother was a traveling nurse. His parents were separated, but his parents could get along the same and co-parent effectively. It was a wonder why Austin was so smitten for attention when he kept such a close relationship with them. Austin could have easily gotten help from his parents, yet he chose to use Zorana, which rubbed her the wrong way.
Zorana slid her finger across her phone screen and looked over to her savings account. When she got the money from her mother's inheritance, she immediately put it into savings and locked it away to not feel tempted to spend it. She took just enough out to get her by for a little while until she figured out what to do with herself. It was safe to say she was still figuring herself out and would be for the unforeseeable future. A tad over two thousand could get her by, but not for as long she was planning for. Much to her dismay, she would probably need to transfer over a bit more. Austin knew of the money she obtained; she never told him the exact amount, but he knew there was enough for her to stay stable for a while. He wouldn't be using her, would he? She plundered on that possibility for a long time, flipping the coin over on either side and studying the outcomes.
Austin's mother wasn't entirely supportive of his decision to quit school and pursue a music career, rightfully so. Austin would have had a much better outcome remaining at school and getting his degree. She finished school, gotten a job, married his dad, got pregnant. Austin's mother did everything orderly so that Austin had a good start in whatever he wanted to become in his lifetime. She even put on a fake face for his father, so Austin could have a good image of his parents regardless of the divorce. You could argue he was spoiled, but his mother only wanted the best for him, and then he went and threw his foundation away to become a rapper. When he brought the news to her, she was disappointed but made it clear that she would only support him when he proved his decision was worth it. So far...Austin hadn't done that.
Zorana shut off her phone and stood in the middle of the kitchen, looking down to her feet. Now would have been a good time to call her mom and ask what she should do, but she knew she couldn't. Her mom always had the answers that she needed. Her mom would have sat, listened, and then given her a story about a similar time in her life where she experienced whatever Zorana was going through and how she faced her challenges. Her mother never outwardly just gave her advice; she would tell her a story and let Zorana piece things together herself. Zorana never patterned herself after her mother's decision because sometimes the story didn't end well. Whatever decision she made, her mother never judged her. She wanted Zorana to experience things on her own. Her mother knew she wouldn't be there to guide her one day, so Zorana had to learn a sense of independence. However, Zorana only idolized her mother so much that it swayed anyone else's opinion around her.
Even with her found independence, Zorana felt alone. She had no one to rant to, just to get things off her chest. Austin was there when something had happened in college and was a source of comfort, but now that he was the problem, Zorana didn't have anyone to complain to. She would have to bottle up her emotions and keep them to herself. It was times like this where she wished she could disappear as well.