Walking into a room full of humans trying to figure
selves out, trying to find whomever capable of help
in their struggles.
Pace of steps is not rushed, as I take the surroundings in, pressure building up, as I struggle to make it
to the corner of the room.
They seek for words, gestures, something – for my
being to be able to answer them somehow. Can I?
Eyes darting from point to point. Trying to figure
something out, the trouble, the answers, eager to
find… To find…
In the room full of humans, I'm standing with my
darting eyes. Trying to find a snippet of answer
to my questions, struggles, problems – in their
movements, in their words, in their gestures…
Dragged by hand, somehow, somewhere. Pulled
into madness.
Day after day it's spinning out and swirling madly.
Have lost track of when it began, or when it should
end. Where does it end? Who should I cry for help?
The failures, being used, abused, trashed, abandoned… Being the one to use, trash and abandon…
Why does it still sting each time?
Crying in bed, silently pleading for the rescue of
some force or someone… Just please, please, please…
I want it to end…
Heart beat in the ears, blasts that make you cry from
pain, heart squeezing with suffering. I must numb,
numb, numb…
Trying to forget… Forget… Forget…
Colder, much colder became my attitude and my
heart. Making fog, as I breathe out the air from my
lungs. I walk past busy streets.
Can you feel me?
Walking into a room full of people trying to figure
themselves out, trying to find out whomever…
With an eased pace I make way to that person in
the corner.
"Do you feel like swirling in adventure?" – I whisper
into the ear, but the person is too preoccupied with
all around to notice me. Eyes darting from place to
place, seeking for answers.
"I'll show you hell…" – I let out, as I pull my choice
along into pit of darkness.
Being the guide to the madness – the shades in the
alleys and pit of hardness. Seeing that "choice" cry
and plead.
Maybe that's what I need?
I've let go. It walked out the door a long time ago.
Not needing to see horrors anymore.
What have I done?
Walking into a room full of people. Dead silence,
as I no longer see their eyes, nor feel them there.
Suddenly it became empty.
Silence eats the space, as my heartbeat thumps in
my ears. Was there always the sound of my heart?
I close my eyes, as it doesn't matter. Breathing out
what smoke filled my lungs.
Smell of loneliness and power, then whiff of trust.
Followed by bitter sadness, fail, despair and madness.
Thump of heart.
Now the whiff of warm affection tingles senses –
there, beside, I saw my reflection. Thinking to self
– "It's perfection.", as I keep staring in those green
eyes.
I walk into a room that resembles a collection – of
all that's to behold, to transition, make confession.
With small warmth in my heart, as I walk past the
madness, I enjoy bitter sadness and smile towards
my luck.
It was lips, then the eyes, then I was struck. Moments
later – eyeing my luck. Heart was pounding mad, as
heart misplaced – getting face red, I thought that I
fled, but ended up next to you.
What do I do?
No longer there's voice in my shout and dropped
was leftover doubt. I felt that heavy load crushed
and I'm no longer hushed.
New coat pulled my shoulders down and stature
of new had come out. If that will be burdensome
somewhere, then I'll keep my all daring pride.
I'll walk into room full of people and once again see
eager eyes. This time though I'll walk through to
next door, holding head, breathing pride, with no
doubt.
Door's heavy and hard to the push, but opens with
fine force of glory. I still feel my heart rushing pulse
and life isn't finished with story.
I walk through the door to new people. With
certainty beaming in eyes. The warmth could make
anyone feeble, but they'll never jump at the sight.
No longer they're there in the corners, but rather
all over the place. It feels like their mingling with
others and sharing their blessed all grace.
I'm finally out of the shadows, but sure enough that's
not the end. But knowing there's also the others –
is filling the heart with good fate.
Eventually home with some silence. And it's dark
inside of the room. Your hands wrapped around, just
reminds us – that you're really wonderful sound.