I always thought that living was exhausting, but don't be rash, I didn't want to die. It was like you spent the day carrying your own weight on your back and even if everything was fine, that weight didn't lighten. Living was exhausting for the simple fact of being in this world full of hate, greed, sadness and pain.
Well, it was not all bad. There were tolerable days and days when death seemed like a viable option. I wanted to see everyone's beauty, what people could be and how it could transmute. I wanted to be present in everything and everywhere without ever being seen. I wanted to be uninjured, just watch the temporary and feel what it all had to offer, but that's not how the world was.
The world in my eyes was ugly, gray and dark. The world was a sad and broken place that no one truly wanted to heal. The world was what I called a prison and my jailer was life itself, or used to be until I saw it for the first time.
With lips as pink as cherry blossoms, eyes as green as buds born in the first moments of spring, and long straight hair that cascaded red down to her ass, she colored my world... I fell in love. "Marjorie" was her name and the two of us were destined for each other.
My name is Lara and I'm a girl who, even with my view of the world, could be considered a normal college girl. Although I don't stand out much, I have the prerequisites to be considered beautiful with my wavy black hair that went to the middle of my back, almond eyes and full lips.
At Santa Marta College, I was a sophomore in psychiatric medicine and, dressed in my ratty jeans and black sweatshirt, I was walking back to my dorm when a gusty downpour started.
Seeking shelter, I ran under the marquee of a store I'd never seen open and the day couldn't get any worse.
While I was trying to protect myself from the rain, a car drove by at high speed and threw a puddle of water on top of me, leaving me completely soaked. It was at that moment that I saw her for the first time.
She was walking out of the store, umbrella in hand and a worried expression on her face. Her eyes met mine and I felt my heart race. She approached me and, without saying a word, offered me her umbrella.
I didn't know what to say so I just accepted it. We were both silent under the umbrella as the rain continued to fall. I felt a new feeling, a feeling of peace and happiness that I had never experienced before.
When the rain finally stopped, she said goodbye and walked away. I couldn't help but watch her as she walked away, feeling like a part of me had gone with her.
I had never seen her before, but something inside me told me that she would be very important in my life. I didn't know how or when, but I knew I would see her again. And I was right. A few weeks later, I saw her again at college.
At first it was a little embarrassing, I had never even thanked or introduced myself to her and approaching her seemed impossible with so many people around her, but that wasn't necessary as our eyes met and she came to me.
"Hello!" She said. "Do you remember me?"
I felt my face burn. It was a good, conflicted feeling that I had never felt before and the cause was those green eyes. I slowly took a deep breath making sure she wouldn't notice and got up from my chair.
"I remember." I replied trying to sound as calm as possible. "By the way, thanks for that day."
Marjorie smiled a smile that brought light to all that gray and my heart sped up in such a way that it might as well have stopped.
"So..." Marjorie leaned in a little closer. "I heard about a party tonight. Wouldn't you like to go with me?" She asked as she twirled a lock of her hair around her finger. "Oh! By the way, my name is Marjorie!"
All the sounds and gestures she made seemed magical, hypnotic and I couldn't resist. I approached, laced her neck with my hands and pulling her closer, I kissed her.
Marjorie looked surprised by my gesture, but she returned the kiss. Our lips touched gently for a few seconds, and when we pulled apart, I felt my cheeks flush again.
"Wow, that was…unexpected," Marjorie said, still smiling. "But I liked it."
I laughed, a little embarrassed as I thanked whatever could have created us for not screwing this up all at once. "Sorry, I don't know what got into me. But I liked it too."
We both laughed together, and then Marjorie asked again if I wanted to go to the party with her.
"Sure, I'd love to," I replied, still a little nervous about everything going on. "But I don't have any clothes suitable for a party."
"Don't worry, I have a dress that will fit you perfectly," Marjorie said, placing a hand on my shoulder. "Let's stop by my house so you can get ready before the party."
I agreed, and we exchanged phone numbers before saying goodbye. When I got home, I could barely concentrate on my studies, thinking about Marjorie and how interesting the night promised to be.
Hours later, I was looking at myself in Marjorie's bedroom mirror, wearing the dress she had chosen for me. It was a short red dress, which left my legs on display, and I felt a little uncomfortable with so much exposure.
"You look beautiful," Marjorie said, walking into the room and surprising me. "I knew this dress would look perfect on you."
I said thank you, still feeling a little unsure, and we walked out of the house towards the party. Along the way, we talked about college, our common interests, and what we were looking forward to for the night.
When we arrived at the party, I felt a little out of place in the crowd. But Marjorie took my hand and led me to the dance, making me feel more comfortable.
"You dance really well," I said, as we spun across the dance floor.
"Thanks, you too," Marjorie replied, smiling. "Do you know I've never kissed a girl before?"
I stared at her in surprise. "Serious?"
She nodded, a little embarrassed. "I've never felt such a strong connection with anyone before I met you, Lara. And I don't want this night to end."
I felt my heart race again, and I reached over to kiss her one more time. Our lips touched gently, and I felt a mixture of passion and tenderness that made me want to be with her forever.
The night passed quickly, and when I woke up the next day next to Marjorie, I knew my life had changed forever and she was the cause.
That same morning, Marjorie walked me to my dorm door. We looked at each other for a moment before she kissed me softly on the lips. I felt like the world had stopped on her axis.
"It's been a wonderful night." She said, smiling at me.
"Yes it was." I agreed, with no words to express what I was feeling.
"I would like to see you again." She said, her eyes twinkling. "Later?"
"Clear." I said, feeling completely lost in her gaze. "Later."
She waved goodbye and walked away, her red hair gently blowing in the wind. I stood in the dorm doorway, watching her walk away, feeling like she was floating.
The next few days were filled with meetings with Marjorie. We walked around campus, went to movies, and had dinner together. I felt like she was the only person who understood me, the only person capable of freeing me from the prison that the world and life had always been for me.
Over time, I started to realize that it wasn't just a passing crush. I was lost and completely in love with her. I loved her with every part of myself and couldn't imagine my life without her.
She brought me joy and happiness, colors in a gray world. And for the first time, I began to understand what it meant to truly live. I had finally found my home in Marjorie who showed me the beauty of the world.
From that morning, after many ups and downs, fights, sex and words that could never be lost, the two of us continued to find the color in each other for decades.