Stanley drove until he reached the city limits before pulling over and dropped his head on the steering wheel. How did he go from paying for his sort-of girlfriend's expensive online shopping spree to running for the hills?
"What the hell is wrong with me?"
You needed space to figure out if you can trust Ezraphel to do the right thing when you eventually supply her with mana that will give her back the use of her powerful magic.
In other words, to lewd or not to lewd the Lilim, that is the question.'
Quite
"Is there even a point to thinking about this? I already know I'm going to give in at some point"
Frankly it is a miracle you lasted this long. Then again she's been getting less aggressive with her seduction attempts.
There is that.
Still doesn't change the fact that a full powered Lilim with access to all her magic is the single most dangerous being in the world.
She's harmless.
Is she though?
Only if we make her.
And what's stopping her from making us.
She obviously cares about your opinion.
Yet she sneaks into your room every night.
Some things can't be helped. Also are you really complaining about snuggling up to the hottest woman on the planet?
…point.
Look, instead of thinking the worst case scenario, why not give her the benefit of the doubt?
You mean take a leap of faith? Pretty big chance you break something on that drop and considering the subject matter that something could be your pelvis.
She's a Lilim, not a Manticore, Hellhound or gods forbid an Ushi-Oni.
Jesus, imagine if one of them ended up here.
'Pretty sure I'd be dead'
Mamono don't kill.
But you'd be dead where it counts.
Bottom line is that Ezraphel is building a rapport, earning brownie points, whatever you want to call it she's working really hard to try and make you comfortable with the idea of being with her so the least you could do is tone down the paranoia.
No such thing as too much paranoia.
It is when its stopping you from building a relationship with a girl who is honestly so far out of your league in every single way. Seriously you need to stop jerking her around!
'I don't jerk her around, do I?'
You're acting like a pussy worse you're acting like an indecisive harem anime protagonist!
Oh Bullshit!
'That's impossible'
Is it though? If you were a real man you would have taken her after the second week when she checked out. At this point you're stalling because of a hypothetical situation that is looking less likely to happen every day.
Hey Lescatie isn't just a place in an obscure story anymore, that shit is real and so is everything that happens in it! If it means not ending up like 'Elt' then you can swear off sex indefinitely.
Spoken like a true puss!
Tell me I'm wrong then asshole. Tell me that there isn't a possibility she won't get caught up in the moment and screw us over…repeatedly.
…there is
Ha!
BUT-but it won't happen, Ezraphel is different.
Is she though?
Yes, she is. Those bitches in Lescatie are comparable to sexually repressed neophytes who became crazy bitches after getting an excuse to let loose. Seriously I'm pretty sure most of them qualify for a psychologist with how much emotional baggage they have. Why else would they have a fixation on that one guy?
Lazy writing.
Well there is that…
'Agreed'
Those individual stories for the girls in Fallen Maiden may have taken place in an 'alternate universe' but only in the sense that they got to the guy first. Everything else about them is the same and he can only imagine how bad they must have been with everything that wasn't said in those stories. After weeks of cohabitation Stanley could say that at the very least Ezraphel is well adjusted and as far as he knew isn't a crazy ass bitch or simpering virgin with no self control.
That said what is really holding him back was the question of what happens after she gains her power. Sure on paper the difference between Ezraphel having magic or not may not make difference in the outcome if she decides to force the issue of sex but it does make a difference in method. It's like changing the channel on the TV, you're less likely to do it if you have to get up from the sofa.
It's even worse because Ezraphel really will be capable of doing almost anything. He has no idea how old she is and considering she introduced herself as the 27th daughter. He doubted she is as strong as Druella who is comparable to a demi-god in her bio but that hardly makes a difference. If she can open portals to other worlds then she can do anything she damn well pleases.
"Why me?" he lamented "I was supposed to live out the rest of my days like a prolonged vacation until the day I died, not pondering the pros and cons of losing my virginity to a mythological succubus because my semen would give her access to untold powers beyond my comprehension."
And it was at that moment of verbal lamentation that Stanley realized something important, something so all encompassing and worldview-shattering that all other thoughts and rumination came to a halt. It has been over a month since he had started living with the very beautiful, very busty and very lusty succubus woman who was keen in getting in his pants.
Over a month and Stanley was still a virgin.
Ooh.
Holy shit I didn't even think of that.
"Oh god I really am like those harem protagonists"
This needs to be fixed immediately.
Whatever happened to caution?
Fuck that, our manhood is on the line!
Now hold on a minute.
What the fuck is your problem guy? Do you want to lewd the Lilim or not?
I want to wade in from the shallows not dive into the deep.
Hm, I see your point, here is my rebuttal. Dick, what do you think?
Of course you do. Brain, can you weigh in on this, please.
{I think…we should do…absolutely nothing}
Excuse me?
Come again?
Shut up dick!!
{We have been sitting in a car for the past twenty minutes, talking in our heads with multiple voices representing different aspects of our psyche and our dick (for some reason) like a bonafide crazy person when the answer is sitting right before us}.
I-it is?
Holy shit it's been twenty minutes!?
{Yes and yes. Has anyone else noticed that we have been treating this entire ordeal as if it were an anime, instead of real life like a normal person?}
Have you met us before?
Have to agree, we can't be considered normal by modern standards.
{Why not? If we take away the fact that Ezraphel is a Lilim from another dimension then we are facing a very real and very normal problem that guys in our position go through sometimes}
And that is?
{Fear of committing to a relationship}
…What
The hell are you on about?
{We have been distracted by all the outlandish bullshit surrounding Ezraphel's race and the 'what ifs' of how she would wield her power that we have fooled ourselves into believing that it is the reason for our hesitance in fully committing ourselves to being with her}
Bullshit!
No, that can't be true…could it?
{Think about it, have we not already concluded that sex with Ezraphel was an inevitability?}
Yeah…
Yes
{Therefore what is the point of trying to justify whether or not we will willingly give ourselves to her?}
She'll take advantage of us
{You sure about that? Because she's pretty much thrown the ball in our court with kick starting this relationship. We always had the ability to do it on our own terms and now we're stalling because we're afraid of commitment}
And also not ending up like that tool Elt
{You realize the guy basically has those women wrapped around his finger right?}
Holy shit.
My god he's right, why were we even arguing about this?
{Because Stanley Berkowitz is a 'weak' man who could not handle the 'real world' and chose to abandon society, his family and even aspects of reality. He is a man with no expectations of anything or anyone including himself, especially himself. For him to suddenly be faced with the expectation that comes with an intimate relationship he does what every coward does and runs away}
{If Ezraphel were any other girl she would have been gone but she is not, she believes in him, she loves him and she will not be deterred from him by anything including himself. For the cowardly Stanley she is the ultimate enemy, someone who will drag him back from the dark loneliness kicking and screaming until he has no choice but to face the light, to face her}
…Wow…I mean…but…if that's all there is to it then, the question isn't whether we should have sex with her.
The question is, can we allow ourselves to love her.
{And you my friend, have just reached an epiphany}
;)
…
"AH!"
Stanley gasped, his entire frame shuddered as he tried to get his thoughts together. He was still in his car the engine was running, the A/C was cooling and a look at the time saw that he had missed forty minutes.
'I must've dozed off. What the hell just happened?'
He could not put into words the absolute mindfuckery he just went through. Stanley would never admit to anyone, not even himself on the best of times but he isn't the best example of what one would call 'good mental health.' It was nothing even remotely close to schizophrenia, bipolar disorder or any of those other mental afflictions that could see him with a doctor's prescription or in a mental asylum.
It just…sometimes he talks to himself. Not in the way like he believes he has a separate entity in his mind or sees hallucinations but in a very self aware state where he thinks about stuff and sort of discusses things. It's hard to explain but the bottom line is Stanley isn't crazy, he is very self aware of himself and he already figured that this was just a means to cope with being alone for years on end with little actual human contact.
That back there though, was the first time that had happened and he could admit he might have gone a little too deep in the rabbit hole for a second. On the plus side he now knew what the underlying problem was with him and Ezraphel. Whether he acts on this knowledge however is another question entirely. It wouldn't be first time he came to an epiphany and decided to ignore it because it wasn't convenient to his circumstances.
You think he doesn't know his lifestyle choices aren't conducive to a healthy body and sound mind?
You think he doesn't know his life expectancy will most likely bottom out at 40 if he's lucky?
You think he doesn't realize that he will die as he lived, alone and without any fanfare and little mourning to be had because the world sucks and people have better things to do than to care about some loser like him?
It is pessimism and nihilism at its best.
Stanley realized he was gripping the steering wheel tightly and relaxed.
"I think it's time to go home"
His mind instantly thought of a certain smiling busty Lilim and groaned. Even by his standards what he did was a dick move and given what he'd learned in his epiphany it only drove home that he was being a real fucking Shinji about all of this.
He shook his head "no, fuck that and fuck you Murphy"
Stanley had made his decision.
But first he had a stop to make.