Yoshiko was quiet. She had a lot to think about after what I told her.
We were both sitting by the bed, trying to cover ourselves from the uneasy cold temperature that tended to show up around morning time. The sheets were thin, but did the trick in preserving our heat. The redhead was still, her frame rigid and stiff as she pondered about the explanation I gave her. I didn't hold back, I could have lied, but decided against it. Why? I knew it would have been suicidal to lie to someone that could prove to be essential in helping my alibi. If Yoshiko was doubtful about any excuse I could provide, and anyone suspected my involvement in what happened in Kiri, she would become the prime source of information about that possibility. Even a 'I was asleep, I don't know' would be enough to further increase the chances of someone picking up that something was wrong. That I could have done something around the time where the Mizukage lost his life and several war-related buildings had been destroyed via detonations.
Kurama rested at the edge of the bed, curled up and visibly uncaring about what had unfolded in recent hours, preferring to sleep and get the few hours of slumber that I took from him. Yoshiko's gaze briefly passed him, then twice- it was clear she was trying to not drop too deep into the narration I had given her, trying to not get too taken by it. To not be inspired to be too harsh or too lenient. Because, while I might have been the one to act and commit that kind of deed, that didn't mean she was to be outright angry or glad that I did. One should consider the many factors that come when the 'impartial' judge was affected by grievances and sorrow as the act itself manifested not as an independent act of violence, but a reaction. And one that she could feel, from the way she was so horrified about, she would have committed too if given the chance. With no tears to shed, and only anger left behind after the sadness, Yoshiko had to feel relieved by a mental burden. At least just enough to not jump in action and try something stupid herself. And I could see it on her face, on the way she studied my reasoning and the resulting thoughts after the event deeply and intensively.
But if she was this tense… What about me? I was still, but not stiff- not nervous. I was worried, I was tense, but not nervous. I didn't fear what the outcome of this could bear upon me. I could tell that the worst case scenario was Hashirama chiding me- no, prohibiting me from leaving the village and trying to get into my mind, or having someone to peer into it. A Yamanaka? I think the mind-reading clan had already started to work as consultants to the Hokage when it comes to mental issues. What would they find if not what I want them to show? Beyond all worries, I wasn't a loose cannon. I was only someone that understood a hard lesson that I hadn't learned in the war. Something that actually got rejected by my mindset back during the big conflict as it was unimportant to me. Sometimes, you have to make a war to draw the best diplomatic solution… and you also need to draw a diplomatic solution to make the best war closure.
My actions were driven by a personal vendetta, yes. I did so out of anger and outrage… but I don't regret the results of what it got. A war was prevented because I did a smaller one driven by me. I was the changing force that broke the knees of a belligerent village and prevented them from going back to war, to draw more blood on everyone's hands. The mere mention of that drew me out of that room and… back into that battlefield I have learned to despise. I had blood in my hands by trying to keep others alive, to keep Kagami alive, and even as I desperately tried to do the same with the Uzukage. My bizarre shift out of reality, almost feverish in nature, concluded just as I felt the warm arms of someone coming from beside me. Like a bubble bursting out of air at a single finger-poke, my mind was freed from that transparent cage and brought back into the present. Yoshiko had reached out, pulling me in quite the aggressive embrace and looking incredibly worried.
"You were… shivering. Your face is still pale."
...I have PTSD.
I sighed, trying to digest this notion and glancing at my still-shivering hands. No blood, they were the cleanest possible. But sometimes, the taint of the past can't be scrubbed away with soap and water.
"I'm… fine. Now."
My voice came out clean, devoid of any hint of what had just happened. The redhead didn't seem to care for this response, at least for a while as she remained still in that hug for sometime before finally releasing me.
"Hmm… I… what you told me… I think it's difficult to digest."
That's because it is difficult. For anyone. Especially someone that was so involved in this whole mess. Yet I didn't say it. I didn't have the right to be condescending. Not now. Especially not now.
"I'm… sorry."
Yoshiko merely nodded at my words, taking a moment to draw her voice and commit to what her long thinking session had given her as a resolution.
"I think… you did something bad. No, it was… terrible," The girl commented bluntly, holding none of her own thoughts in that explanation. "You- You could have endangered others. What if that stunt had led to a war?"
"It didn't. It wouldn't have… done that," I replied numbly, but that only emboldened Yoshiko to press more.
"What were the chances of that happening, Dan-kun? I know you would have at least looked more into those before going… or did you just… hope it would have worked your way?" The quiet redhead asked – no, she demanded – and I couldn't help but feel dread at that.
"I… I didn't rush into action. I gave it many thoughts and studied the situation."
…
"Did you?"
I frowned at that question. "Of course I did. I wasn't planning to go out without a plan and-"
My response stopped, but not because I wanted to. No, I was 'stopped' in my response by a particularly strong and loud slap slamming onto my cheek. My eye widened as part of my face burned red at the impact.
"D-Did you?" Yoshiko muttered angrily. "Did you think of everything, i-idiot?"
What is she talking about?
I was baffled by the slap and the harsh tone, the shock preventing me from conjuring a reply to this without fearing another reaction like that one. "What?"
"W-What about the others? What about Auntie Mito? What about me? What about my father?"
...What?
"They- We all are grieving. We all lost someone but- but then you… you try to commit to this act for what? Why did you do this? You didn't do it to 'honor' my father's passing, you're not that much stupid Danzou. I know this much- but then- then you tell me that you thought of everything," Yoshiko argued furiously. "You- You say that, and then you didn't think of what my father would think of this. Of what he would do to you if you took his memory and… used it to do something like that."
My eye were still wide open, but the shock was turning into something else. Something so intense that it almost hurts to keep quiet about it. But I endured… all for the wrong reasons.
"He-He would have been angry. He would have yelled at you how wrong and stupid that was and-"
"No."
Yoshiko paused, her mouth still open as her incensed self melted into a confused expression.
"I had thought of it. I didn't do it in the name of your father, nor his honor or whatever you think I did it for. I didn't do it to feel better, I knew that wouldn't have been the case no matter how desperately I wanted it," I replied tensely, barely holding onto my anger as it threatened to pour out too ferociously on the surprised girl. "I did it to make sure they knew that their actions had repercussions, and that the retribution wasn't going to give them a chance. Do you want to know what I found in Kiri, Yoshiko? I found large warehouses filled with military equipment. I found fishing boats refitted to be warboats and I found people training for an invasion. These people were going to get to war with Uzushio one way or another, and their Kage was on it. I had the common sense within my own rage to know that diplomacy wasn't going to work in this case. These people hate us, they want us dead… and now, they will accept the notion that threatening a nation, expecting to be the new bully of this whole world, isn't a role that can be achieved without obstacles. Not when I'm there to put them back in their places."
"Y-You're not- you don't have that r-right."
"Neither you have the right to judge me of anything, and yet I allowed you to speak against my actions because you didn't have the chance to try those yourself," I shot back, putting her back in her place with an annoyed look. "Let me put this through like this: I value your opinion as a judge of the overall situation. Instead of asking me 'did you even consider what my father would think of this?' or questions similar to this one, you jumped at the assumption I was doing it to feel 'better'. I wasn't. I didn't do it because I wanted a pat on my shoulder and to feel good for myself."
"I'm… but you-"
"I cared for your father and his memory well enough to know better for doing that. To be that kind of scum that just wants to feel selfishly good for making so many mistakes. So no, I don't accept this accusation, I had to stain my hands in blood red again because I didn't want to hold someone like you or others I care about as you are bleeding into an early death. I had a choice to either allow my peacefulness to cause a war, or for my own ruthlessness to stop it from happening. That's why I don't regret any of that, and that's why I don't care what label I will receive by the end of the day."
I stood up from the bed, this time Yoshiko was actually moving to try and stop me.
"N-No wait. I-I didn't mean to-"
"I'm going out fishing," I interrupted, giving her a brief glance before I turned my attention to the nearby window. I was angry but… still capable of keeping civil regardless of that. "If you want to tag along, be aware I'm not willing to talk. I need to… cool off a little bit."
Much to my surprise, and perhaps my own foolishness, Yoshiko did tag along and joined me as I went to pick one of the nice and isolated sections of the docks where I had been told there were some fishes that I could have gotten. The girl stood right beside me as I calmly sat by the edge of the wooden extension of the pier, fishing rod borrowed by a stash that had been left abandoned nearby. I wasn't a good fisherman, but at least it was nice to keep watching on Yoshiko and not having her blurt out or do anything stupid for the time being. I just wanted to be at peace with myself… but I couldn't. Not until I was back in Konoha and could try to get this PTSD under check.
At least the water gave me no reason to have panic attacks...
Mito had seemingly recovered. Seemingly.
The woman was once more smiling, albeit weakly if not faking the gesture altogether to hide the pain and not force any negative emotion on her children. The twins were too young to know what had just happened, but they could perceive something bad had occurred from the way their smiling mama had gone somber and upset. A facade that the Lady Hokage was definitely going to last through the trip to get back to Konoha. With things 'stable' at Uzushio, it was only natural for the woman and her children to make the trek back to their home. I decided to keep myself away from the passengers, keeping by the carriage's rider as I stood guard for any surprise bandit attack along the way.
I was still tired from not having gotten a much-needed and deserved sleep, but at least I could feel my chakra reserves now full and ready to give me the edge if needed. Yoshiko had kept quiet about what happened a few hours ago. The news that there was now a Second and more peaceful Mizukage but also that part of Kiri was set on fire after some precise explosions caused by a professional saboteur. There was no doubt in my mind that Uzushio could have been considered responsible for it by many villages… but no one in the international Shogi Board of diplomacy and intrigue could actually back up such an assumption.
Uzushio had strong people, but no one in there capable of pulling that kind of crazy feat. There were so many variables that just would dissuade any kind of wild accusation towards the island and… that left me worried that someone could have caught on to the fact a small group from Konoha was there. And that this very someone could point back to me. What really worried me about this loose line of thought was that I could tell that a certain masked figure was going to make something out of it. I wasn't sure what specifically that could be or when that would unfold, but considering how careful this guy is, I wasn't planning to let him get a free hit on me or others I care for. Training-wise, I was going to pump a lot into making sure I got my full-sight back. Eye-transplant was one of the oldest surgery practices in this world, mostly forwarded by people with Doujutsus… or that wanted to steal Doujutsus. The first thing I was going once the first day back home was dealt with was to get the operation going and my empty socket filled with new life.
But for now I would have to keep my eye on the road and make sure that the current setting we were in wasn't going to collapse into something too dangerous. Bandits had gotten bolder in recent days, possibly because the news about Kiri's aggression reached their ears and gave them the bright idea of running more raids into the main roads between the small port Land of Fire that connected with Uzushio and Konoha. Sadly for them, I was around and making sure that they were dealt with as swiftly as possible and minimal risks. The carriage's driver was no longer tense after seeing me do the same thing over and over again.
First it would be Kurama's input, the tailed beast resting on my lap.
"Three, left side, upper trees."
Then it would be the turn of the shurikens rushing on the precise spots where I had also detected the approaching attackers. The bandits, the best ones at least, had some personal chakra training, but nothing that gave them the edge on sudden counterattacks. Such as small sharp weapons slamming into them. And finally, the loud 'thuds' of corpses falling on the ground as the sudden projectiles had struck vital points such as eyes, foreheads, and throats.
More dead bandits meant less trouble for the trade route in the future. The road was paved for us to go without any obstacle and I could tell that the only thing left to worry about was our return to Konoha. I could tell there was going to be a lot to discuss in the report-writing part of this mission, but I felt like I could do it without any major concerns. The mission had gone as successfully as it should have been, with Lady Mito and her children safe and sound through the whole journey back and forth between Konoha and Uzushio. As much as the Uzukage's death warranted some importance, his passing wasn't an element that the report had any reasons to deal with. It was tragic, but not part of the mission itself.
The gates of the village were soon in sight, and then, a few minutes later, we were entering inside Konoha's safe walls and making our way to the Hokage manor. The arrival was greeted with mixed reactions from the villagers, a somber parade where no one spoke as the carriage made its way to its destination. Hashirama was quick to draw his family in a hug, and it was there, as he moved to embrace his wife, where Mito actually cracked, her eyes pressed on his shoulder as a quiet sob echoed numbly around them. The Hokage showed genuine sorrow, keeping her wife tightly to him while Tobirama took care of bringing the children back to their room so the couple could be left alone. I didn't linger for too long, deciding to walk with Yoshiko back to my house so we could get our own moment of quiet and not disturb the two adults.
"Do you think that… Auntie Mito will recover from this?" The orphaned Uzumaki inquired numbly, gaining my attention. "From papa's… death?"
I didn't look at Yoshiko, but I could tell she was staring at her feet as she walked, away from me, away from the rest of the world but… the ground.
"She has a husband. Hashirama had his fair share of losses to cope with. She will persist and survive it," I muttered quietly. "Plus, I can tell she already experienced this before. It's not easy, but she will overcome it."
The girl hummed, keeping quiet as we kept on walking through the road back home. I expected this to be the end of the conversation due to her current mood, but I was proven wrong when she spoke up once more, this time shifting this discussion in a more uneasy route.
"Do you… think I can make it? Forget about the pain?"
…
I finally looked at Yoshiko and gave her an honest response.
"You will make it, but you will not forget the pain," I replied calmly. "Nobody forgets the pain."
"But… then how are we meant to go forth if this keeps on being there, in us?"
"We just let that very pain become a drive to go beyond this point. It's an event, a life-changing one, but not one that should stop me, Mito, or even you in what your life is now and what it will be in the future."
"I...I see..." The redhead muttered weakly, sparing me a tense look. "And are you… going to be there… for me?"
I frowned at this question. "Why shouldn't I?"
Her lips twitched in discomfort and it took a while for her to answer that.
"Aren't you… angry at me? For what I said a while ago?"
"I'm not. I was annoyed at the fact you allowed your own anger to drive in some assumptions without thinking about it, but not angry," I answered truthfully, taking a moment to look back at my own reaction. "And I wasn't that cool-minded back there myself."
"Oh… I guess you're right. I am not very good with emotions since what happened with dad."
I slowly nodded. "I noticed that."
"And I lashed out stupidly at some aspects of what you did… but overall, I still think what you did was terrible. Even for you."
…
"Which is a fair point. Up to that bit I wholeheartedly agreed to what you were saying."
…
"But?" Yoshiko pressed, feeling like there was something I wasn't saying.
"But I see no issue with it. In fact, I didn't do what I did just because it felt right, but because it had to be done," I admitted with a slow nod. "It was a matter of sacrificing part of my own morality for the sake of keeping people alive."
"You have yet to tell me what were the chances of that plan ending up in a war despite your efforts."
I… I actually hadn't answered that. Oh, I actually hadn't thought of that. My surprised look left a bizarre frown on the redhead's face.
"Low, I would say. Stupidly low even," I reasoned with a thoughtful glance aimed forward. "After all, I had crippled their weapon depots."
"I… Wait, you planted the bombs on only their warehouses. You didn't… plan to kill any civilians, right?" Yoshiko quickly asked, perhaps having misheard this bit and actually believing I had purposely murdered those people.
"The civilians were killed by collateral damage. I placed just enough explosives to destroy the buildings, but I had forgotten that there were explosives inside already and that caused the fire to propagate," I elaborated without hesitation. "I didn't exactly have it against Kiri's people, only the bastards behind their idiotic mindsets."
"Oh."
I nodded calmly. "I had no plans to kill innocent people. It just… happened."
Soon the conversation was terminated, leaving no space for any continuation as we finally arrived at our destination. Yoshiko was the first one to walk through the gates of the compound and… she stopped to wave at someone standing by the entrance.
"Hiruzen-kun, Hirotada-kun, Kagami-kun and… Reira-chan."
The quartet was there, standing by the entrance and… instantly swarming me. I would later learn that they had received news I was back via some of the border guards, giving them the time to plan this unexpected ambush. What ensued was a mess of a greeting/conversation/interrogation as the trio barraged me with questions about the situation in Uzushio, how the place looked like, and what happened to my now missing eye as I still had my bandages covering that side of my head. I managed to swerve off the multitude of queries with a 'I will explain once inside', barely calming off their curiosity and worries and things only got worse when I got inside. Because, one thing I hadn't taken into account was that… mom didn't know I lost my eye in combat.
And she had been cleaning a fairly old plate when I entered the living room where I heard her voice returning our greetings. Madara was there, seemingly waiting by the table with a hungry Hanzou, with both man and child sparing me long looks about the prominent issue with my current appearance but keeping quiet as they could already imagine the disaster that was soon to happen. Mom hummed, turning around as a 'welcome back' pended by her lips as her gaze rushed right towards me and… the woman froze in a stiff posture at my current injury. She had been cleaning some plates which, as expected, were quick to meet a horrible demise of falling on the ground and exploding into pieces.
The woman was quick to rush to me, crouching down and looking straight at my face with a shaken look.
"Y-Your eye-"
She didn't talk any further. I just didn't allow her to as I pulled her in a tight hug before giving her a quick but calm whisper.
"I'm fine, mom. I'm fine."
Much to my chagrin, that did nothing to stop her tears, but at least calmed her from panicking any further as she held me close in that embrace. Once that emotional scene was over, I said that I would get a transplant and be done with it and that the one that caused this injury had been dealt with for good. The rest of the group wanted to know how it happened, specifically Madara as he was slightly unnerved that I got caught in some ambush, but he seemed to mellow over the notion that I had been caught in a couple of distraction and struck with a swift strike that should have actually tore more than just my eye had I not tried to move out of the way.
The next two-three hours were spent explaining the situation without bringing up what I did to return the favor to the ones behind that kind of ambush, leaving a couple of 'holes' in my story that I was glad no one hadn't pressed to know more about. Instead, I rejoiced at the notion of being back home, away from trouble and given the chance to resume my training.
But what I hadn't taken into account was that a certain Uchiha now had a reason to give me some early birthday present the moment I needed that transplant…