If this pack of jagoffs think that showing up at Olympus with everything and everyone they have is enough for me to be satisfied with the Ultimate Showdown I have been working for weeks to set up, then they have another thing coming.
With a burst of blue mana I captured everyone in the Olympus subdimension in my reality marble, the upgraded Ionioi Hetairoi.
"Welcome to Tuchanka!" I roared and laughed loud enough to summon Kalros from the sands of the brutal Krogan homeworld, "Here we will show our true worth as gods and kings!"
Golden motes of power coalesced forming our armies as the heroic spirits of every warrior who owes loyalty to any of the beings trapped in my reality marble came forth. Millions of faithful combatants joined the side of my enemies, even the various gods already slain by my forces and in ages long past revived to attend my Ultimate Showdown.
They mattered not, for to my rallying cry came the forces of every army I have ever led and fought for in friendship. The techno horde of the Krogan Geth Alliance came forth led by my friends, the Commander Jane Shepard and the crew of the Normandy.
They were joined by the forces of the Second Great Krogan Empire that I founded in Mass Effect Alter led by my first born son with Jack, Garth the Dragon Slayer. Damn that kid was bad ass. And by kid I mean an eighty year old demi-god super soldier in a sick suit of power armor running off of sweet sweet technomancy.
Next came Brienne of Bruma and my friends, the Companions. With them came every Companion who ever lived all the way to Ysgramor himself and his badass elf slaying axe, Wuthraad.
Jack's Legion arrived with the soldiers of the COG, including my friends in Delta Squad. I did not shed a single tear when Dom drove up and fired his chainsaw bayonet bearing assault rifle into the air.
The Third Hutt Empire appeared along with the Confederacy of Independent Systems which I led with Count Dooku and Asajj Ventress before discovering that I could activate the Random Ryncol Effect with liquor other than Ryncol. The machine spirits of the Droid Army meant that I had an horde of comic relief around a core of badass warbots I built and programmed myself.
Their ships were only over matched by the arrival of the X-Force, the ex-Covenant mercenary army I put together in Halo. I heard the Skirmisher Champion in charge, Timmet, shouting orders at the rowdy army.
The final army made my metal cock spring to attention, the KISS styled Amazonian Zaulia tribe.
Fuck yeah.
Then things got fucky.
"Did you people think you could have an Ultimate Showdown without the Orcs of Mordor?" a tall and broad orc in resplendent gold armor with fabulous hair shouted from atop a fire breathing drake at the head of a horde of uruks and orcs, caragors and wargs, graugs and trolls. Truly Mordor was emptied to form this epic horde.
"Who the hell are you?" I shouted at the familiar feeling interloper.
"Thrag!" he shouted back, "The God Emperor of Urukkind! Dafaq are you!"
Holy shit! He's me!
"Dio!" I shouted, "The God Emperor of Devilkind!"
Our exchange was interrupted by a flying pirate ship tearing into the reality marble to the warble of the hurdy gurdy.
"Fuck yeah, Ultimate Showdown time!"
"Is that Ryugi from Persona 5 with a ship full of persona?" Thrag asked as he flew up along side of me.
"Yeah." I nodded.
"Neat." Thrag chuckled, "Fuck living in Japan though. Too outlaw for that shit."
"Same, dawg." I agreed.
"Sup homies!" Ryugi arrived riding on the purple lion bird, Anzu, while continuing to play his instrument.
"Why are you spinning that hurdy gurdy?" Thrag demanded.
"Cause the hurdy gurdy is metal as fuck." Ryugi laughed.
Through a rift in the reality marble came the flying warships of Atlas and the armies of Remnant. From the group emerged Jaune Arc looking like a super soldier with a golden crown decorating his white and gold helmet.
"Sup bois?" The man smiled as he removed his helmet revealing short golden hair and a beard.
"Dude, you ended up in RWBY!" Ryuji complained, "The chicks there are so fine."
"Don't you have Brojiro to help you keep your harem?" Jaune shot back at the teen with dyed blonde hair and a gilded skull shaped mask.
"Brojiro is the best!" we all stated at once then laughed together.
"Which one of you rang the interdimensional dinner bell?" inquired a large Qunari with an impressive rack of horns adorning his head and a super thick long white ponytail down his back Great Shinobi Owl style.
"It was me, Dio!" I shouted and reverted to my regular ultrachad Diodora Astaroth form.
"Nice." the Qunari grinned a wide smile full of sharp milk white teeth, "I'm Ketojan."
"How long did you spend as a gimp?' Ryuji demanded.
"Two whole hours." Ketojan shuddered.
"Dude… that sucks." Ryuji dismounted and put a hand on the ox-man's meaty tricep.
Overhead appeared a 40K Battleship and Numerous Cruisers and Escorts. From the Battleship descended the red and gold World Eaters and their chain axe wielding Primarch.
"Gentlemen." The giant red haired man greeted our jaws dropped group.
Before we recovered a golden warp gate tore open across the horizon and we all felt the presence of the OG.
Standing twelve feet tall not counting his excellent rack of horns, the Lizard Daddy approached at the head of his army, each step sounding across the battlefield, not for their loudness, but for the gravitas.
He sported four thickly muscled arms and in his clawed hands he bore the Hammer of Might, a greatsword that appeared like a rend of sunset sky, the Horn of Party Hardy, and an oversized bass guitar.
His glory and majesty hardly mattered, for at his side she came.
Jack.
I could feel the collective longing of our group as they approached with our eyes firmly fixed on the tattooed goddess of our hearts.
"Hope I'm not too late to the party." shouted a beefed up man in blue power armor as he ran up and pulled off his helmet.
"Dafuq are you here for, Alenko?" the OG growled and snapped us out of our stupor.
"I'm one of us." He answered with his stupidly handsome face on display.
"There is no way an aspect of me is Canadian." the OG denied.
"Oh yeah. And I fucked Space Momma." he smirked.
"Heresy detected!" we all shouted at once.
"Cry me a river, you pack of babies. The sex was hot as hell." Kaiden rubbed the dirt in our openly wounded sensibilities.
"You are just asking for some murder!" Ryuji roared, "Or is this suicide? Would it be gay sex or masturbation if we fuck?"
"Dude!" I yelled at the fashionably dressed Japanese teenager, "Stop putting off my selficide with your questions."
"Everybody just… stop." the OG commanded, "I feel like I want to puke, but we all know it would be gay not to fuck Space Momma if the situation called for it. So lets just… move on to the Ultimate Showdown."
"Doesn't really feel like an Ultimate Showdown anymore." I sighed, "To be honest I was going to fight them all with like a percent of my power and one hand tied behind my back to give this the façade of fairness, but then you guys showed up and well… now there isn't even any point of humoring these fucks."
"Well you got us here for this Ultimate Showdown, just deal with the disappointment." the OG stated then put his weapons away but started playing his oversized bass guitar.
As the power of his cords resonated though the reality marble green geysers of souls erupted from the depths, and a badass stage constructed itself around us.
"Take your disappointment and stuff it, cause this isn't about you anymore." he said with a far off look in his blue lizard eyes, "It's about the fans."
"And the fans need merch!" Ryuji shouted and his persona ship flew over to one of the geysers and began building a merch booth around it.
"Only you could turn some kind of Ragnarok death match between us and all the gods of earth into a Metal concert." Jack sighed and pulled out her guitar.
"I play drums!" Thrag shouted as a golden drum set appeared before him and he sat down with his sticks in hand and a big grin on his face.
"I got the hurdy gurdy covered peeps!" Ryugi began turning the handle of his wailing instrument and pressing the keys.
"The hurdy gurdy isn't Metal." I stated while my electric guitar appeared in my hands, "This is Metal. The literal Devil on lead guitar."
"Good luck keeping up, cupcake." Jack smirked and my heart skipped a beat.
"If there's one thing I have for sure, it's rhythm." Jaune smiled and manned his rhythm guitar.
"I'm on mic." Ketojan said with a voice smoother than jazz.
"Backup singer." Angron growled, surprising everyone.
"I play synth." Kaiden announced and we all looked at him with contempt, "Sensory synth." he added and activated his omni tool creating a holographic station for him to create his music from.
"I can see you all judging me… like I am the worst spinoff." Kaiden growled, "Well prepare to have your faces melted by the power of my Metal!"
With that we started playing, the power of Metal guiding our hands and voices as Ketojan began his song and Angron harmonized with him in a range below normal human hearing that added such incredible depth to the words.
I worked with Jack as we shredded our way to glory supported by Jaune and the OG while Thrag provided a sick beat.
Ryugi proved that the hurdy gurdy is in fact Metal as fuck, but the real surprise came from Kaiden and his face melting sensory synth work that cause our music to penetrate into the very souls of all who heard it.
The slaughter below us didn't matter, only the music, the purity and glory of our Metal. The sun in the sky brightened as our song continued and for 23 minutes and 46 seconds it strengthened into an all encompassing radiance.
Everything stopped as a primordial roar tore across the reality marble and before us descended Ormagoden.
"MY SONS AND DAUGHTER." he spoke, his voice deafening all other sounds, "YOUR BRUTAL SOUND HAS TURNED BACK MY MOST IGNOBLE FATE AND RESTORED ME. ROCK ON CHILDREN OF ORMAGODEN, THE NEW GODS OF METAL."
With that he disappeared in a flash to go be awesome somewhere else.
Below us the battle was done, all the gods slain with their armies and all the goddesses in chains waiting for their fate as my concubines. They could wait though, for they hardly mattered.
The OG raised his fist up into the air joined by untold millions of fists. He then upended the Horn of Party Hardy and stabbed it into the statue of Ormagoden that loomed over our stage. With a flex of his reality bending might a river of glowing golden mead poured from its mouth.
"Someone get to carving!" he shouted, "We're eating gods tonight, boys!"
That man is a lizard I'd gladly follow to the gates of Hell.
The party that followed was a surreal experience for me. A never ending rager spread across the horizon, as endless badasses ate their enemies and drank from a river of mead capable of putting invulnerable beings on their asses.
I came upon Ryuji as he placed a comforting hand on Kaiden's shoulder.
"I didn't really fuck Space Momma." the crying man confessed, "I just… I thought about not even coming here, you know. I know I'm the worst version of us, but not coming would be bitch shit. So I said to myself, you know, if I am going to be the worst, then I am going to be THEE WORST, you know."
"Hey man, you're not the worst." Ryuji told the man, "You're awesome, dawg. Never doubt it."
"Thanks, man." Kaiden huffed, "You're the best!."
"You know it!" the kid smirked and threw back another mug of golden mead.
Later I found Aika and Jack sitting on a couch pulled from the Gate of Babylon.
"So you're the one." Aika sighed before drinking more mead.
"I see her really dolled you up like me." Jack pressed her lips together in obvious discomfort.
"Yeah." Aika grimaced, "But eight months ago real time I was a high schooler trapped in a world full of super powered jagoffs and now I could have ran through those bitches solo. All these tats store thousands of years of magical knowledge and were a small price to pay to be top bitch."
"Damn, straight. Own it girl!" Jack yelled and the pair clinked their glasses together.
Angron and Thrag had boiled clean some god skulls and were using them as cups alongside their favored sons and uruks, each side telling tales of battle and slaughter with big grins on their faces while nearby Ketojan worked the grills dealing out meat to an eclectic collection of people from Thedas.
Later I found Jaune and the OG chilling with blunts stuffed with my primo devil's lettuce.
"I can't believe Angry Mango managed to wreck your Lizard Swag." Jaune laughed while he held the blunt for a MILFY Blake Belladonna as she sat in his lap while Pyrrha Nikos snuggled under his other arm.
"It fucking sucked, but like all things. It couldn't handle the power of my cock." the OG laughed, causing Kat and Wanda to shake with the rumbling of his chest.
"Haha!" Jaune laughed with him, "You should open up your verse to Remnant and come help me track down the Brother Gods. Those punks are ducking me and the cosmos is a big place to search for two punk ass gods."
I wandered a bit more and climbed up the giant statue of Ormagoden, looking out at the family and friends that came to my call. I'd been deeply dissatisfied here in DxD - unhappy even - doing anything I could to chase down a feeling that just wasn't there. Even my Ultimate Showdown was a desperate and hollow attempt to find it, but this… the Ultimate Brodown.
This made me happy.